


Prophecy or Destiny

by FawnoftheWoods



Series: Prophecy or Destiny [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Merlin (TV), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Abuse, Arthur dies but Reincarnation, Awesome Morgana, BAMF Merlin, BAMF Tony Stark, Depression, Extremely Dubious Consent, F/M, Fix-It, Fix-It of Sorts, Gen, Howard Stark's A+ Parenting, Hurt Steve Rogers, Hurt Tony Stark, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Magic, Magic Revealed, PTSD, Protective Arthur, Protective Merlin, Protective Steve Rogers, Reincarnation, Slow Build, Steve Rogers is Arthur Pendragon, The Avengers (2012) Spoilers, Tony Stark Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-20
Updated: 2019-05-28
Packaged: 2019-07-14 22:53:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 25
Words: 78,803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16050224
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FawnoftheWoods/pseuds/FawnoftheWoods
Summary: When Steve flew the Valkyrie into the ice, he knew it was the right thing.  What he didn't know was that he was messing with prophecy of old.  Merlin's destiny to stand at Arthur's side will not be thwarted because Arthur is self sacrificing, in every life.





	1. Prologue: Last Flight...or is it?

**Author's Note:**

> I really really wanted this story where Arthur is reborn as Steve rogers and Merlin waited for him forever and then the idiot has to plow his plane into a glacier. Reincarnation is fun to write!
> 
> Also, I currently hate the title so if anyone has a better one, shout out and I'll consider it
> 
> Also, Merlin DOES end up with ARTHUR in the end

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A feeling of calm settled into his bones. He could feel that he was born to do this. He was born to die protecting his home. It gave him meaning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have the next chapter written and proofed and will post after my exam on Monday as a present to myself :)

Time was a strange thing.  Steve could feel it slow down as his options for the plane’s landing presented themselves.  Peggy thought Howard could help him land safely, but he knew better. Bucky was gone, so there was no one left to mourn Steve Rogers.  Everyone else would mourn Captain America. The only exception was Peggy. Wonderful Peggy, so strong and capable. This would hit her harder than anyone.

Steve sat in the pilot’s seat.  He can’t let this plane get any closer to New York, to his home.  A feeling of calm settled into his bones. He could feel that he was born to do this.  He was born to die protecting his home. It gave him meaning.

“Peggy, this is my choice.”  He knew she’d hear the discussion they’d had after Bucky’s fall in that statement.  A swooping feeling accompanied the plane’s descent.

“I’m gonna need a rain check on that dance.”  He wasn’t coming back from this. That was okay.  He felt complete.

“Alright. A week, next Saturday, at the Stork Club.”  Her voice cracked over coms. The last person he could protect was Peggy, his last tie to the world.  The last person to really need him.

“You got it.”  He had this. The expected fear rose, but the certainty that this was who and what he was, what he was born to be beat it back.

“Eight o’clock on the dot. Don’t you dare be late. Understood?”  Peggy’s tears came through clearly. Steve felt better knowing he wasn’t meeting this destiny alone.  The feeling that he shouldn’t be alone was satisfied. Peggy was strong. She’ll take what he leaves behind and make it better.  She’ll build something amazing.

“You know, I still don’t know how to dance.”  He would never know her. He would never dance.  There were so many things he would never do. He shouldn’t be okay with that, but somehow thinking about it seemed dangerous.  He wouldn’t do that to himself.

“I’ll show you how. Just be there.”  Sweet Peggy, still with him til the end.  Apparently Bucky wasn’t the only one who made that promise.  Now it was his turn to leave her behind. He sent all his prayers up that this didn’t break her.  That she knew he was okay.

“We’ll have the band play somethin’ slow. I’d hate to step on your toes.”  Static answered him, but he knew she was still there. Somehow he knew he wasn’t alone.  He hadn’t been alone his entire life and right now, when it meant the most, he just knew.

He knew Peggy was there carrying his dream forward.  He knew Erskine was there believing in him. He knew Bucky was there, hand on his shoulder.

They were there ‘til the end of the line.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those of you who read my other stuff, I actually have that almost done and hope to post that after my exam also, but its needs proofing first


	2. To Crown the King

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur tries to settle into his new role as King of Camelot. But there is much to do, and much he must learn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the real chapter 1
> 
> This takes place after 2nd season. There are some mild changes to cannon shown here. 
> 
> For ye who know not Merlin the TV show (I'd recommend it, Arthur's Father is played by Giles from Buffy) Here is a breif, breif summary:
> 
> King Arthur starts out as a teenage knight, heir to the throne of Camelot. Currently Camelot is under the rule of Uther, father of Arthur, who has imposed a legal ban on all magic, punishable by firey death. Merlin, who is a few years younger than Arthur, arrives in Camelot in the hopes of finding a purpose for his extensive magical gift. Through luck (of both kinds) and magic, he is assigned as Arthur's manservant, to follow him and do any little chore Arthur may require. The series continues past Arthur's coronation and until Arthur and Merlin reconcile at least part of his prophecy, the once and future king of England, to rise against when needed most. Also, Morgana is Arthur's illegitimate half-sister, in the series she becomes Morgan le Fey, but this story ignores that.

Arthur stared out over the lands with a heavy heart.  The road to victory had been grueling. He wasn’t even sure how they were all here for it.  Starting with his sister. 

Arthur remembered the late night stroll that had changed his life many months ago.  

_ -Flashback- _

Arthur was half mind to wake Merlin.  He hated to brood on his own. Besides, Merlin was good company.  Not that he’d ever tell the idiot that. He was a servant. 

That was why he wasn’t going to wake him now.  This wasn’t a problem for Merlin. This was sissy worry, nothing more.  He felt like such a girl even as he wandered towards the other hallway. 

He sighed, looking at the door.  He was insane. It was past midnight by more than a candle mark.  He turned away before someone caught him. This was stupidity of the highest order.

“Arthur?”  Arthur stopped at Morgana’s voice.  He didn’t look back at his sister. His real sister.  He remembered worrying about Morgana. He remembered cracking the door, hoping to hear Gaius say she was improving.  In the secrecy of his mind, he’d wanted to hear her still breathing, still with them. 

But what he did hear had sent him reeling.  He hadn’t told anyone. Apparently no one knew.  

Not even Morgana.

“Arthur?  What are you doing up at this time?”  Morgana’s voice sounded bitter. Arthur wondered when that had crept in.  He was dismayed to find that he hadn’t heard Morgana actually happy in over a year.  Since Morgause entered their lives.

Arthur sighed and turned to look at Morgana.  He really looked at her. 

Morgana had always been beautiful.  Even when his romantic interest remained absent, he could see that.  She used to have a sense of humor that would make her eyes dance. He missed that.

“Gaius said you were fully healed.”  

Morgana regarded him a moment before nodding.  She toyed with the bracelet on her wrist. It had Goloris’ mark.  Her father, but not her father. He couldn’t tell her. He couldn’t rip that comfort from her.  Not with Uther refusing to claim her as his daughter. It would take both her fathers from her.

“Well, I wish you a good sleep.”

Arthur turned away.  He was ready to walk back to his room and spend the remaining light berating himself for being such a clotpole, to use Merlin’s term.

“Good night Prince Arthur.”  

Arthur froze.  Morgana almost never referred to his title.  The fact that he was inheriting the title had tickled her when they were kids.  She said it would serve him right to do all that paperwork. She used to joke about it.

The only other time she said it, was when she wanted a friend.  When they both snuck out of their designated places of Crown Prince and Court Ward, and ran among the trees with wooden swords and pilfered water flasks.  

“Can you dress?”  Arthur’s quiet question was met with a frown.

“It is very late Arthur.”

Arthur turned to look at her, purposefully putting his most mocking smile on his face.  “So is that a ‘No I can’t dress’? Can’t hop on a horse like a proper court lady?”

Morgana huffed at him and whirled back into her room.  That was what he had been after. Grinning he hurried to the stables and saddled their horses.  It had been several years since they’d done this, but he was certain the servants remembered their nighttime adventures well.

It wasn’t even a quarter mark before she appeared, growling at her cloak.  Arthur let the horse walk to her unaided. They had ridden these horses since they were foals.  They were well trained.

Morgana could keep up with the best knights on a horse.  Arthur had to work to keep in the lead so they went where he was thinking.  A small glen they’s used as children. A place to stare at the stars. The only place Arthur had let himself tell his adopted sister how much he worried about living up to being Prince.

If Morgana recognized the clearing, she didn’t mention it.  Arthur notices that in dressing so fast, she’d neglected her hair and jewelry.  He hadn’t seen her unadorned in years.

She stomped around the clearing.  Then around again. Arthur just let her work out some of her frustration and anger a moment.  She’d get there eventually.

“I think I hate him.”

Arthur tensed at her spew of venom.  He’d calmed Morgana down many times in the past, but this was beyond anger.  This was deep seated rage. And with Morgana, rage had two parents; fear and righteousness.  

“I can’t believe him!  He’s so hypocritical! The rules don’t apply to him!  Hmph! He wouldn’t know fairness and decency if it bite him in the royal jewels!”  

Arthur had to viciously suppress a chuckle at that.  Morgana could be creative when given enough leave to do so.

“How could he not tell me?  What right does he have to decide what I need to hear?!?  What gives him the right!” Morgana’s screeching made Arthur glad he’d picked one of their more isolated spots.

“Told you what?”  Arthur question managed to bring her out of the muttering rage she’d been using to pace circles around the clearing.

She met his gaze, and suddenly she seemed to realize she didn’t want him to know this.  She looked away. “Nothing. Nothing of importance.”

She started back for the horses.  Arthur used quick strides to catch her arm at the saddle.

“Personally I think having a sister is very important.”

Morgana looked at him in surprise.  She jerked her arm out of his grip, “You knew!”  She hissed.

Arthur held his hands up in surrender.  “I thought you were still asleep when they talked.”  

Morgana blinked at him a moment before a sly smirk crossed her face.  “You were spying on Uther.”

Arthur felt his face color.  Before he could retort, Morgana turned away.

“Doesn’t matter, he won’t acknowledge me.”  

“But…”

“I’m a bastard, Arthur!  Born from an affair. Do the math, Uther was already married at the time!”

“I have realized that!”  Arthur hadn’t meant to shout.  “I think this whole this stinks of horse manure!  It means he betrayed my mother. It means he betrayed Goloris, his best friend.  It means we could have grown up actual siblings. Trust me, I’ve done the math!”

Morgana looked shocked at his outburst.  Arthur took a deep breath, hunting for that calm he used to survive a day at court.

“The only good thing about this whole situation in my opinion is that now you are my actual sister and I can say that!  I don’t have to pretend to want to wed you when instead I’d rather you beside me as family!” Arthur looked at Morgana’s face and stopped short.  She was crying. 

“Wait, No!  No no no no!  You don’t cry!  I defend your honor when people make you cry and then you try to beat me up for defending your honor because you think you are better at it than I am!”  Arthur panicked as Morgana burst into sobs. What did he do now? This was why he needed Merlin. Merlin was enough of a girl to know what was going on.

“I  _ am  _ better than you.”  Morgana choked out between sobs.  Arthur blinked. Morgana just giggled wetly.

“I’m scared Arthur.”  Her whisper was so quiet, he almost didn’t hear it.  “I’m scared that I’m just a doll to him. He prances me about until my marriage brings him something and then off I go.  I have no family to argue with him. I-” Morgana was shuddering as she melted onto the log they sat on before. Arthur swallowed and then knelt in front of her.

“You have me.”  He waited until Morgana looked up at him.  That was the beauty of these nights. In the shadow of the night sky, far from the walls of the court, they both let themselves just be.  “You have been my sister since you picked up that wooden sword and I actually let you learn technique. I-I never said it, but I thought it.  Its always been there, to not be alone in Father’s household.”

Arthur placed his hands on her shoulders and she fell against him and they clung to each other.

“You have me.”

-End Flashback-

That night, Arthur had promised Morgana something.  He’d promised that she was his sister, no matter what.  When Gwen’s brother was threatened, Arthur understood why Gwen was so desperate.  Because he too had a sibling he would do anything for. He told Morgana that before he left.  She had looked so relieved when he returned.

It wasn’t until sometime later that he found out why.  Elyan’s capture had been a trap. A massive trap by Morgause.  And Morgana had helped. He’d found out shortly after he’d returned from the Quest to get the Golden Trident.

-Flashback-

“Morgana!”  His call had the lady turn to look back at him as he strode through the hallway briskly.  He grabbed her arm and pulled her along with him. Normally he would never dare this without fearing her retribution, but right now he needed to get them somewhere private.  The north tower was always locked, but both of them had snuck into it multiple times over the years. She only gave him a dirty look when he gestured for her to go first.

“Arthur!  What are you doing!  Have you gone mad?”

Arthur looked at her and grabbed her shoulders a brief moment before he pulled her into a hug.  It took her a moment before she relaxed into the embrace.

“Arthur?  What is it?”

“Gwe-, someone saw you.”  Arthur pulled back and looked into her eyes.  “Someone saw you practicing magic.” 

Tension flooded her frame.  It was enough an answer for him.  “Have you lost all sense of self-preservation!  Practicing magic?!” 

She shook herself free.  “Are you accusing me of being a sorceror, Arthur?  Drag me before the court?”

Arthur felt like pulling his hair out.  “What?!? Of course not! What were you thinking ‘Gana?”

“And what would you do if I told you I have Magic?  Hmmm?!?” She looked at him half crazed. “What if I told you I can’t get rid of the stuff!  What if every night I have nightmares because I have magic? Hmmm? What if I said that!”

“I’d say deal with it in a more secure location!  I’d say let me help you look for answers!” Arthur grabbed her shoulders and shook her hard.  “I’d say it’d destroy me to see what Father would do if he found out, because I don’t think it would be pretty.”

She looked so startled that he stumbled back.  Both were panting hard at the revelation. Arthur swallowed, trying to reconcile what she had just blurted out with what he knew of magic.  And with what he knew of Morgause.

“You’d really do that?  Help me?” Morgana’s question drew his attention back to his sister.  She was shaking. Arthur reached out and drew her trembling form into his arms.  He hadn’t done this since they were little and he found her crying for her parents.

“You are my sister.  I love you. Always.”  He rocked her as she broke into sobs.  “We may not agree and I may find you irritating, but you are, on occasion, a pretty good sister to have.”  Arthur paused a moment, but in for a penny, “And if you have magic you can’t control, then I will help you figure out how to control it.”

Morgana had chuckled at the ‘pretty good’ comment, but let herself sag against his chest.  Arthur waited, reviewing his memory for when she may have started working with magic. “You weren’t actually kidnapped, were you?  Last year.”

Morgana shook her head, chuckling.  “The sleeping spell was linked to me.  Morgause needed me, so I let Merlin poison me.  I was with the druids. They helped me. I saw Mordred again.”

“Mordred?”  Arthur would deal with his servant poisoning his sister later.

“The druid boy I saved under the castle.”  Arthur vaguely remembered the incident. It wasn’t the first time he’d turned a blind eye while Morgana saved someone from Uther’s rage.  He wished she’d been able to get that far with Gwen’s father.

“Arthur?”  

“Yes?”

“Will you trust me, even if I have magic?”

Sigh, “If I must.”  He grinned as she shoved his shoulder.  But then she bit her lip. Looking at her wrist, she took off a bracelet.

“Arthur, this bracelet came from Morgause.”  She spoke quietly. Arthur looked at her in surprise.  “She’s my half-sister.”

“We have another sibling?”  Arthur hoped not, this was confusing enough.

“No, she and I share our mother.  She gave this to me. It suppresses the nightmares.  But I don’t think that’s all it does.” She set the bracelet down.  “I think I gave you the eye of the pheonix. And I sent you to rescue Elyan.”

Arthur frowned, but nodded.  Morgana turned paler. “You could have been killed.  Elyan was a trap. The Eye of the Pheonix was a trap.  They were supposed to kill you.”

Now Arthur gasped.  He looked at the bracelet with distaste.  “You should get rid of it.”

“No!”  Arthur looked at her in confusion.  “Its the only break I get right now from the nightmares!  I need it. I still haven’t found anything else that really works.”  She bit her lip and then looked at him. “But it does something else.  I remember telling Morgause I should rule after Uther. I should be Queen.”

Morgana looked up at him in fear.  Arthur understood. If there was one thing that separated Morgana from Arthur’s other companions in his life, it was she was only one who understood that sometimes he didn’t want to be king of Camelot.  She, herself, had sworn it to be one of the most horrid jobs. She wanted political power to help people, but not the crown.

“Okay.  We need to keep this secret for now.  Maybe only where the bracelet at night.  Ask Gwen to make sure you remove it every morning, she’ll help.  She’s your friend.” Arthur’s mind raced through different options.  Who would be safe to tell. The answer was immediate, no one.

He grabbed her shoulders.  “We will find a solution.”

-End Flashback-

They didn’t have the chance to find a solution.  Uther’s craze over Gwen’s importance in Arthur’s life took his attention and by the time that was over, Morgause and Morgana captured Camelot.

Arthur still wasn’t sure exactly how it happened.  One moment the cup of Life was stolen and the next an unkillable army surrounded Camelot.  While Arthur planned to retake Camelot, Morgana was announcing she knew about her parentage.  She sent Gwen to Leon. When Gwen changed clothes in the woods, she found a rolled scroll in the pocket of the dress, claiming Morgause was following her trail.  It was in Morgana’s handwriting.

It turned out that Morgause wanted to start executing any who stood against Morgana as Queen, but according to the palace maids, Morgana kept coming up with excuses to not do so yet.  Arthur felt warm knowing his sister trusted him to come.

During the battle, Morgana knocked over the Cup of Life herself, killing the entire army.  Arthur found Merlin staring at her in surprise. Morgause, incensed at the failure, attacked Arthur, but Lancelot was already there to divert her attention.  She fled in an angry screech, injuring Morgana in the process.

Shortly after her departure, Morgana had begun to claw at her wrist.  It took Arthur, Merlin and Gwaine to remove the burning bracelet.

Arthur took another deep breath.  He had just come from Gaius. Morgana had been resting for the last 4 days.  The bracelet had dampened her nightmares by draining part of her lifeforce, weakening her resolve.  She had stayed awake long enough to inform Uther she would not forgive him any of what he’s done. Arthur’s father was a shell of a man, severely broken by the trials.

Technically he’s still king, but Gaius didn’t think he’d last much longer.  

“Generally, one eats at dinnertime.”  Merlin’s appearance didn’t surprise Arthur in the least.  He’d expected his manservant to find him. Truthfully he’d been avoiding the man.  Morgana’s magic was one of the few secrets Arthur actually had from Merlin. People were attributing Morgana’s show of magic to the bracelet and Morgause.  The same of her betrayal of Camelot. Since Uther wasn’t speaking and all other present were killed, Morgana’s magic was still a secret.

Someday he’d probably tell Merlin.  “I hope you talked cook out of some cake today.”

But not today.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO before We jump to Steve, I wanted to write Merlin/Arthur. Here we are!
> 
>  
> 
> Mildly insulting to certain groups, please read at own risk:  
> Merlin Rant: Arthur is the once and future king. Just reality check for this legend, if some dude popped up right now and tried to claim to be arthur and we COULD prove it, we'd never let him be king. For one thing, Elizabeth has done a kick ass job since she took over from her father in the war and good on her! For another, he's from a time where equality was a new concept and mental health was punished. I have the same issue with Christ's return. We're more likely to lock him up for study than follow him even if he does prove himself to be Christ.


	3. Back Story Interlude

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cannon Note: a confrontation does happen between Arthur and Annis.  Morgause is the encouragment, not Morgana here

Arthur sighed as he watched Gwen and Lancelot meet by the meadow.  He had pulled them both aside. First he had to apologize for acting like such a clotpole when the crown first landed on his head.  He’d actually threatened to banish Merlin if he didn’t show proper respect. 

Morgana’s sharp tongue had brought him to his senses.  Partially because she had become part of his circle of advisors and was thus allowed to speak to him like that.  A partly because her interpretation of Agravaine’s advice supported Merlin’s subtle jabs. The war with Annis could have been avoided had he the intelligence and wisdom.  At least Annis had the wisdom to let him end it.

He had rejunivated his friendships, but the love that he may have felt starting for Gwen was that of a friend and no more.  Her eyes when she sought Lancelot’s gaze told him that while he could come first, he wasn’t sure he would ever look at her that way.  Arthur found he wanted to seek love for its own sake and let Gwen and Lancelot have theirs. 

In the end the knights and their friends knew of this arrangement.  Morgana offered to help train the young woman in her duties as a wife of a knight and Gwen was relieved to have her friend back.  Now they could truly be friends, where before they had to keep up the appearance of servant and master when outside their rooms.

Arthur was glad everything was turning out so well.  Gwen and Morgana’s advice, along with Merlin’s subtle hints kept Arthur from making too much of a fool of himself.  It also gave him space to grieve when his father finally passed in the night.

He’d been wasting away with grief since Morgana outright refused him audience.  When it was demanded of her, she sat with her face perfectly still and silent until allowed to leave.  

The day he’d died, Uther had told Arthur to search Agrivaine’s Chambers.  Apparently Uther’s condition had been helped along by a potion Gaius identified as causing incredible malaise.  The next morning Uther did not wake up.

His funeral had been full of mixed feelings for everyone.  Arthur barely remembered most of it. Merlin directed him through much of hte actions and Morgana handled affairs of state.  Arthur wasn’t even sure Uther had realized Gwen was to be a Lady and peasant born, knights during Arthur’s rule, though he did tell him.  Arthur spent several hours each day telling his father of the happenings, only for the king to lie still, rarely even responding.

He hoped his father heard at least some of what he’d said.  He knew he was diverting from his father, but he also knew, that he didn’t want to be the kind of king Uther had been.  Uther had been isolated from everyone, and Arthur couldn’t live that way. He needed his sister. He needed Gwen. He needed Gaius and his knights.

And he needed Merlin.  His manservant had become his closest friend.  So in the privacy of his own thoughts Arthur could acknowledge that he needed Merlin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will be posting the next chapter today, since this is so short. I need to go to class first. Stop back in a few hours :)


	4. But Not Broken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The big reveal that every Merthur fic has. Here is mine ^_^

Arthur scowled at the scrawny man as he haphazardly cleaned his room.  Gwen was riding with Morgana in a week long trip and not due back for another few days.  Leon and Lancelot would make sure they made it back. Despite his feelings, or rather because of them, Arthur trusted no one with his friend and sister more than Lancelot and Leon.  Still two weeks without his sister’s ability to deflect nobility or his friend’s soothing presence was taking its toll as he dealt with the nobility for Westingshire that had descended on his home.  Not a terrible group to be sure, but the eldest son was beginning to annoy.

_ “Your manservant is the most clumsy I have ever seen.  I bet I could get him right in no time!” _

_ “Don’t you even train your servants?  Look at him? I can get more obedient completed work from my horse.  And he doesn’t understand English!” _

_ “Did he seriously make that mistake?  How can a King surround himself with such incompetence?” _

Arthur had gritted his teeth through most of it.  Still, Merlin was rather clumsy, moreso lately. Perhaps if someone could show him how to do the work better, it would be good for them both.  Arthur wouldn’t have to put up with his antics and Merlin would survive the day with less bruises and embarrassment. Still, it would make life much more dull.

CRASH!

Arthur swore under his breath as the armor Merlin was carrying crashed into the table and sent his ink bottle across the rather lengthy document he was writing.  Taking a deep breath as Merlin gave his somewhat stuttered start to an apology.

“That is it!” Arthur looked at his manservant.  Merlin froze, looking at his king in question.  

“Sire?”  

He smirked at the person he privately knew was his best friend.   “Can you not spend on day away from acting like a bumbling idiot?”  Merlin glanced down, trying to decide just how much his king was joking.

“No more than you can avoid being a complete prat I fear.”

“Then as a break from the bumbling idiot,"  Arthur gritted his teeth. "I order you to wait upon Hermen of Westingshire for the remainder of their stay.  You can have a break from the complete prat who is in fact your king!” Merlin’s half-hearted grin faltered a moment. Arthur almost regretted being so annoyed. But this might be best for them both.  He just wished he could tell Merlin that, but he figured that would start another argument that he certainly didn’t feel like having.

“Oh and Merlin.  Assign someone else to do your chores here on your way.”  Merlin stared at him before bowing his head mutely. Arthur frowned at the door, that had been a bit too easy.

* * *

Merlin let himself sink after closing the door.   He really needed to get a grip. Arthur was right, he was distracted.  Morgana wanted him to tell Arthur about his magic. Plus with the arrival of the group from Westingshire, Gaius was swamped.  Morgana said he was thinking about revising the law on Sorcery, but he hadn’t yet and Merlin wasn’t sure what to do.

He sighed, well maybe some time away from his king would give him courage.

He hurried down the corridor.  He was to report to the chambers of the Westingshire heir in time to settle him into bed.

* * *

Arthur glanced at Merlin as he served Hermen more wine.  He hadn’t seen hide nor hair of the manservant since he had sent him off the previous night.  He looked tired.

“Yes, I will do my best, your Majesty.  I think I can have him tiptop before we leave.”  

Arthur winced inwardly, he hadn’t meant for Merlin to hear about that until after Hermen was gone.

“Anything you can do will be a blessing, truly.  Do what you can.” Arthur ignored the hurt in Merlin’s eyes, but he couldn’t avoid the frown on Gwaine’s face.  He didn’t get a chance to ask about it though as his attention was drawn by his guest again.

The next day he was dragged into a problem in the lower village and could not dine with his guest and thus saw nothing of his friend.  At the end of the following day he was weighing the pros and cons of begging out of dinner, even if it meant seeing Merlin, when a knock on his door interrupted him.  Sighing he rose to confront his wayward servant only to open the door to his knights, minus Leon and Lancelot. He looked at the four concerned faces and leaned back against the table. 

“All right, out with it.”  He looked at the youngest, knowing his knights as he did his own sword, he would be the first to speak.

“Somethings wrong with Merlin.” Elyan practically erupted with the words.  The others glared at the usually quiet knight.  Gwaine stepped forward.

“I agree with him, Sire.  Something is wrong with Merlin.  He doesn’t, doesn’t even look us in the eyes, My Lord.”  Arthur frowned. Merlin did strange things, but that was who Merlin is.

“It sounds like he is simply pouting, having to serve Hermen.  They leave in three days, then things will be back to normal.” Many of the knights frowned at him, even Percival.  He sighed.

“Well?”  The older Knight hesitated a moment before speaking.

“Sire, when I met him in the hallway last night, he looked at me strangely.”  

Arthur blinked in confusion.   “Strangely?”  Percival nodded, looking quite disconcerted.  “Strangely how?” The look deepened and Arthur knew he wasn’t going to like what he heard.

“Like he was afraid of me, Sire.”

* * *

Merlin winced as he trudged home.  He kept telling himself just three more days of this.  Just three more days. It didn’t help right now. Not since he had heard Arthur confirm what Hermen had said.  Not only did Arthur know about Hermen training him, but approved. He hissed slightly as his ribs settled again. This whipping had been for not cleaning the floor correctly.  The last three days it had been this. Arthur threw things at him all the time, but he didn’t think the King ever intended for them to cause actual harm. But now, if he was too loud, too slow, too clumsy, too flippant, a whipping was a light punishment.  It got worse if he stopped during the punishment. A kick by a metal boot hurt more than he thought it would, so did a riding crop.

“Finally!”  Merlin jerked up to see Arthur standing at Gaius’ doorway.  He wanted to smile, but it wouldn’t come. Everything hurt too much.

“Can I do something for you, sire?”  

“Oh for heaven’s sake, quite moping.  Three more days won’t be that bad!” Arthur frowned at him.  Merlin bowed to his king, wincing at the action.

“Of course not, Sire.”  

Arthur seemed to stare at him a moment before glancing away.

“Merlin, you know you can tell me what’s wrong, right?”  

Merlin glanced at him. For a moment he opened his mouth, desperate to say anything to get him away from the nobility of Westingshire who find such sport in his ‘training’.  Then he closed it. Arthur didn’t need him telling him what he already knew.

“Nothing is wrong, Sire.”  He could see that Arthur didn’t believe him.  The King sighed.

“Very well.  I expect a good report from Hermen before he leaves.”  

Merlin simply bowed and entered the room.  Arthur frowned at the door. He didn’t really care about Hermen’s opinion of his manservant.  He did care about Merlin’s unusual lack of chatter. Thinking back it had actually started soon after Hermen arrived, though it had increased alarmingly after Merlin started working for the man.

* * *

Arthur growled as he stomped down the corridor.  He hated looking for people. Usually he sent Merlin to find them.  Particularly when the person he was looking for was Gaius, since his manservant usually knew where the physician was anyway.  He had thought about it and the only person he could think of who could answer his question about why Merlin was behaving so strangely was Gaius.  Especially with both Gwen and Morgana gone. Those two could wring sunlight out of water.

Following the guards instructions, he finally located the man in the servant’s quarters of the Westingshire group.  Apparently he had spent much of the last few days there. Frowning, hoping it wasn’t something too terribly wrong, he had sped up to catch the court physician.  Maybe one of the servants was pregnant. Arthur shook his head. Who brings a pregnant woman across open country!

He slipped in the barely open door quietly so as to not disturb Gaius’ concentration.  Many of the servants were kneeling near him. Several were crying.

“There there, this will ease the pain a bit more.  Remember to make it and use it quickly.” Gaius was using his teaching voice, Arthur still remembered it from when he was a child.

“Thank you.  Thank you for this gift.  We will never forget this.”  Gaius placed his hand on the shoulder of the woman speaking.

“I do what I can, my dear.  I fear it is never enough.” Many in the group shook their heads.

“We have lived with this pain for many years, Master Gaius.  It is the way Westingshire treats all servants.” 

Gaius frowned as he bent over a young girl.

“If a whipping is the punishment for spilling a goblet of wine, I shudder to think the punishment for committing an actual crime.”  He tsked at the young girl to make her giggle.

“What!?!”  All eyes turned to the King’s at that moment.  Gaius barely blinked before he was next to King and leading him out into the hall.

“You wished to something of me, My Lord?”  

Arthur stared at him a moment, before his temper caught up with him.

“How long has Westingshire done this?”  Gaius gave him that look that he used when he was certain you didn’t want him to answer the question.  “How Long?!?”

“As long as I have been in this court, My Lord.”  

“And why has nothing been done?”  Arthur glared at him.  Gaius raised an eyebrow at this.

“What would you have me do that I am not already doing, My Lord?  They are but servants. You know as well as I your father’s view of servants.”

“So you did tell him?”  Gaius bowed his head. “And he did nothing?”  Gaius simply looked at his king. “Of course he did nothing.  He was ready to let Merlin die withou-“ Arthur froze and looked at Gaius.  This time he saw the steely look in the man’s eye. He swallowed roughly as he remembered Merlin’s change in behavior.  “Merlin?” Gaius did look away this time.

“He thinks you know.”  The phrase was barely out of the physician's mouth before Arthur had turned away and was dashing towards the nobility guest quarters.  He remembered Merlin’s quiet attitude, his avoidance and the knight’s words.  _ He looked afraid of me _ .  He gritted his teeth.

He heard the yelps before he turned down the corridor.  “YOU THINK YOU CAN MAKE A FOOL OF YOUR BETTERS, BOY!” Arthur shoved open the door to see his best friend cringing on the ground.  Two sons and the lord himself were sitting drinking, they seemed to be enjoying watching the heir beat the skinny servant with a candlestick.  From the look of Merlin’s arms, it had been lit when the beating had begun. Merlin glanced at his king. Arthur saw that one of the blows had been to the head in those unfocused eyes.  Tears were streaking down his cheek.

“My Lord, welcome to our chambers.  Shall I have this servant get you a drink?”  The cheerful comment from the Lord of Westingshire had what little color in Merlin’s face fleeing.  Arthur withheld his wince as the servant attempted to stand and put on an unaffected face. He barely made it his knees, before his dizziness overtook him and he toppled back to the ground.  Hermen snorted at him.

“You were right, Sire, this servant is almost too clumsy to help.”  Merlin flinched badly as Hermen raised the candle stick to hit him again, but it never landed.   Everyone looked at their king as he gripped the wrist tightly.

“You are never to hit another servant while in my kingdom again.”  

Their shocked faces showed how much they couldn’t believe he was a defending a mere servant.  Then a grin spread across Hermen’s face.

“Arthur!”  Merlin’s warning came just in time to warn him to duck.  The blow that would have knocked his head hard, missed and he tumbled to the floor, gritting his teeth at the injured shoulder.  Looking up he was just in time to see a sword descend towards his chest. He hands came up to grip the sword’s blade, but though it slowed the descent, he didn’t have the strength to stop it.

Then the sword started to lift.  Arthur started at it in confusion a moment before the yell of the youngest son caught his attention.  The teen was punching Merlin in the side. Merlin, whose hand was outstretched in his direction, Whose eyes were glowing gold with power.  Locking gazes a moment, Merlin’s eyes slide shut and a ripple of power waved through the room, knocking down all but Arthur himself. Looking at his manservant, who was blinking as he tried to bring his eyes in focus.  Merlin had magic.

Arthur sprang up and was away from Merlin in an instant.  Glancing around, he took stock in the fact that all others were down.  He looked back at Merlin to see his supposed servant try to rise once again only to crumple with a whimper.  Forgetting about the magic, forgetting about the lies, forgetting that he was angry and scared, Arthur could do nothing but hurry to his best friend’s side.  Merlin was trembling, but conscious. 

“Merlin?”  Arthus placed a hand on the thin shoulder.

“I’m sorry.  Arthur, I’m sorry.  Pl-pl-please…” Merlin’s eyes rolled back at that, Arthur gripped him, shouting for help. 

* * *

Arthur didn’t need Gaius’ disappointed look when he arrived with Merlin in his arms, black and blue.  He also didn’t need Gwaine’s. Dammit, he really didn’t need that look from any of the knights who rushed over when they heard.  When Gwaine helped Gaius strip Merlin of his shirt, Arthur stopped thinking about other people in the room. Merlin’s back was a landscape of injuries, many recent, and none deserved.  And Arthur had sent him there. 

Then Arthur blinked.  Merlin had magic. Why did he let them hit him then? He was missing something here.  He frowned at the unconscious form. More to the point, why did he let Arthur hit him.  Arthur hadn’t been soft on him from day one. The sheer number of times he had been in the stalls, why hadn’t he freed himself.  Or more, why hadn’t he left?

Morgana had been on the verge of that.  She’d gone far afield, but Merlin was here, taking everything they threw at him, sometimes literally.  What could be his purpose?

Had he needed to get close to the crown for some reason?  Did he need this position in the royal household for some purpose?  That thought didn’t sit well with Arthur. He looked back over at Gaius and Gwaine as they tended the beaten man.  Arthur frowned. 

“Come and get me when he awakens.”  Gaius barely acknowledged his instructions, but that wasn’t surprising.

* * *

Arthur spent the entire evening on the training grounds.  When it became too dark to hit the dummy, he had simply sat in the center staring at a torch, and then another.  The fire didn’t give him any answers. Was Merlin to be trusted?

That was what it came down to right now.   It wasn’t even about magic anymore. Merlin had access to his rooms, to his sister.  Even without magic, he was in a place where he could do much harm. Arthur gritted his teeth. Now with magic, he was an even bigger threat.  

Then he thought of all the laughing and teasing and everything Merlin did.  What could he be planning that involved saving the life of Arthur Pendragon so many times.  He wished he could talk this over with someone! No, he wished he could talk this over with Merlin.  When it came right down to it, Merlin was the person he went to for advice. Not because Merlin had experience to draw on, he didn’t.  And certainly not because he did what Merlin told him to. No, it was because Merlin was the only person whose true advice, the kind he gave when Arthur truly needed it, it rarely told him what to do as much as repeatedly proclaim that he could do it.  

Merlin believed in him.  No matter the circumstances, no matter how wrong he was, Merlin tagged along good naturedly and his true advice was always thinly veiled encouragement to do what Arthur thought was best.  The random comments here and there were at worst coached as exasperated teasing, though usually they were simply mutters and frowns as Merlin gamely applied himself to whatever crazy scheme his master had come up with.  Not his master, his friend.

A friend he had hidden such a secret from for years.  And Arthur couldn’t blame him. When had Arthur in any way supported his servants ideas until there was proof?  What proof would he ask Merlin for to prove his loyalty? What more could he do? Merlin had already taken arrows, poisons, sorcery and even his father on for him.  What more could he ask from a person to prove their loyalty. Gaius had told him the tale of the last dragon and the last dragonlord’s role in it. The betrayal his father had given them.

He wanted to ask his father, but the pale wraith of a man after his sister’s betrayal had been in no shape to talk before he died and now he was gone.  Morgana had explained why she had betrayed their father, being her father but refusing on pain of death even to acknowledge her. Morgause and their uncle had been dribbling poison in her ears for far too long and the bracelet had a loyalty charm in it to help.  When the battle had ended with her quite wounded, Merlin helped her drink from the cup of life. It appeared it healed injuries to the soul as well as injuries to the body.

Although forgiveness for her father was still yet and coming, her care for her younger brother was back and Arthur could see the bits of the child he grew up with.  He had asked, not too long ago if she still wanted the throne, to which she had said that as long as he wasn’t to pigheaded to take a hint, she would follow his lead.  Arthur also thought she had found out just how difficult it was to lead and preferred to leave the hard parts to him.

She and Gwen had been spending a lot of time together and Gwen had said she was finally starting to mourn her past, something she had been prevented from doing for years.  Gwen said that this was the most recent in a long list of crying and venting the young ward was doing. Merlin had been on the end of that as well, helping as much as Gwen with Morgana’s recovery.  Breifly, Arthur wondered if Merlin had helped magically too, but discarded that as something for another time.

His father’s recovery, on the other hand had been non-existent.  Morgana refused to see him and he refused to eat much if anything.  The man wasted away. The only person who seemed able to relieve Arthur of any of that melancholy during that time was Merlin himself.

Merlin, who was helping Arthur, the son of the man responsible for the genocide of his people.  Arthur loved his father and for that Merlin had supported the old king as much as possible, but this new evidence explained why it was always at Arthur’s behest or intentions, and nothing else.

It was dawn when Arthur went back to Gaius and asked after his best friend.  The physician indicated that Merlin was resting in his room and should awaken in a few hours but not for long.  His organs had been damaged and it would take a few days of rest to heal. Arthur decided that he could spend a few hours sitting in that cramped room.  For one, he hoped just Merlin’s proximity would convey the clarity that normally came after sharing his burden with the man.

Gaisu wasn’t entirely correct.  Merlin was unconscious, but resting was a tame term for the jerking movement that interrupted Merlin’s sleep.  Arthur frowned as he watched Merlin turn in bed to escape whatever nightmare chased him. 

Nearly an hour later, Merlin’s voice broke Arthur out of his introspect and forced him to reach out to his manservant.  “No, please, leave him alone!” Arthur grabbed the thin shoulders as Merlin fought off the nightmarish images. “Take me, just don’t hurt Arthur, please!”  Arthur froze at that before shaking it off and shaking the injured man. Anything to break the cycle of nightmares.

“Arthur!”  Merlin shot up and awake in a moment as most do when coming out of a nightmare.  He watched as reality hit the servant and his groaned, rubbing his eyes, trying to make sense of the jumbled memories that were probably trying to right themselves in his mind.   Arthur could see the moment they did as Merlin’s head sprang up again and his gaze landed on him. Arthur wasn’t smiling, but his made sure he wasn’t looking angry either. This didn’t seem to help as Merlin shot away from him.  

And right off the other side of the bed.

Arthur stared at the flailing legs a moment before he felt habitual laughter bubble up.   “No wonder no one ever suspected.  You’d think a sorcerer could be a bit more dignified.”  He stood and looked at his groaning friend on the the ground.  After a moment, he was relieved that the look of utter terror and despair was gone from those brown eyes.

“Warlock, not sorcerer.”  

Arthur frowned as Merlin righted himself and rubbed his head.   “What’s the difference?”  Merlin glanced at him. Arthur could read the uncertainty and fear there, though he was heartened to see the familiar irritation under it.  His Merlin was in there somewhere under all that magic.

“Warlock’s are born using magic, sorcerers must learn it first, your Majesty”  Arthur concentrated on that bit of information, ignoring the title a moment as Merlin hefted himself back into bed.

“So you were born stopping swords in mid-air?”  

Merlin winced.   “I was born floating things around, yes Sire.”  

Arthur frowned again.  He was sitting in a servant’s chambers, there was no protocol for this activity and it would make this conversation more uncomfortable.

“Must have made organizing the home complicated for your parents.  Though, Hunith struck me as a very patient mother.” 

“I’d prefer you simply pass judgement than keep me dangling here, Your Highness.”  Merlin frowned at him.

Arthur then read the tension in his shoulders, Merlin still thought Arthur was going to have him arrested.  Coming to a decision, Arthur glanced around the room before spotting a pillow off in a corner.

“Merlin, if that pillow was about to attack me, could you destroy it?”  

“Your majesty?”  Merlin looked at him in utter confusion.  Arthur just nodded.

“Do it.”  Arthur glowered at the servant as Merlin continued to look bewildered, “I mean it, I order that pillow destroyed.”  Merlin blinked at him before glancing at the pillow. Arthur saw Merlin’s eyes glow that strange golden color again.  Suddenly that pillow was impaled by the knife from Merlin’s bedside table. He glanced at Merlin, who was giving him a worried look.

“I can do good too, it isn’t all destructive and evil!”  

“Shut up.” Arthur was barely listening.  If Merlin could do that, then what could Arthur do to restrain him.  Yet here he was, waiting for Arthur’s judgement.

Merlin snapped his mouth shut from a long list of positives to his abilities that Arthur hadn’t really been listening to anyway.  Arthur locked eyes with Merlin, only to swallow at the fear he saw in his friend’s eyes. “Merlin, I am not arresting you.” Merlin eyed him with something close to hope.  “I am trying to understand.”

Arthur was desperately trying to understand.  “Why did you come to Camelot? You must have known it could be dangerous.”  

Merlin nodded.   “The first day I arrived was the day your father burned a sorcerer at the stake.  But mother didn’t know anyone but Gaius to send me too. Certainly not the Druids, they’re creepy.”  

“Creepy?”  Arthur gave him a bizarre look.  Merlin nodded, swallowing.

“They think I’m some big legendary Warlock.  It grates after a while.” 

Arthur could understand that, being born a crown prince, living up to expectation was irritating sometimes.  Then his eyes widened.

“When we met the second time, you used magic.”  Merlin nodded. Arthur could remember his arrogant demand that the peasant fight him.  He was so angry that the peasant kept running away but never cowed to him. Not once did this man act completely deferential to him, until now.  “And at the banquet?” 

Merlin glanced away, muttering.  “I have had a lot of practice destroying perfectly good chandeliers.”  Arthur didn’t doubt it. That hadn’t been the last lucky instance with a falling object landing on an enemy.  

“So why stay?”  Arthur frowned. “Its not like we treat you like a knight or noble?”  Merlin gave him a shrewd look, but Arthur made sure to keep his face blank.  He knew what Merlin would have said a week ago, before he knew about magic.

“I came because Mother sent me to Gaius.” Merlin locked eyes with Arthur,  “I stay for you and my friends.” Arthur relaxed. That was what he wanted to hear.  He sat down again.

“Then I guess we will simply have to make you legal.”  

Merlin blinked at him in bewilderment.  Arthur could see he was having a hard time processing this.

“You’re not angry?”  

Arthur frowned and ran a hand through his hair.  “Oh I’m angry.” Merlin winced and looked away. Arthur gritted his teeth and continued, determined to get them past this.  “I just don’t know who I’m angry at.” Merlin gave him a familiar look. 

“I’m angry at my father for his unreasonable methods in dealing with magic.  I’m angry at all my teachers for allowing my father’s insanity to change their lessons.  I’m angry at all the evil sorcerers for always attacking us. I’m angry at you for lying to me for so long.”  Merlin held his gaze in concern as Arthur looked down. “I’m angry at myself for how much I believed them all.”

“But you didn’t.”  

Arthur stood abruptly, cutting Merlin off.  “No, I did. If you hadn’t been unconscious and out of my reach for a day, you would more likely have found yourself in the dungeon.  Even with you saving my life.” Merlin paled, but didn’t not look away from his agitated king. “What kind of king does that make me?”  Merlin had to swallow a moment before responding to the pacing man only a few years his senior.

“I don’t know, saving a prat that could kill me, maybe I should be locked up.  You know for my own safety.” 

“Jokes?!?  Do you not see that I could have had you killed?”  Arthur looked at Merlin in exasperation. Merlin gave him a half smile that was full of weariness.

“Next time I know you’ll be angry with me, I’ll knock myself out.”  Merlin hastily continued since Arthur looked like he was about to explode.  “You are my king, Sire. You have been my life since the first day I saved yours, and you will be my life until I give it for you.”  It was then that Arthur recognized Merlin’s facial expression. 

It was the same face he wore when Arthur was looking for advise and Merlin knew he was about to do something Merlin disapproved of anyway.  Merlin truly hadn’t expected to survive this secret being let out. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust Arthur, he did. He trusted Arthur to be himself and Arthur would have killed him.  Regretted it later, as he always seemed to when doubting Merlin, but he would have.

“It better not be anytime soon.  If you get injured on my behalf again so soon, I think Gaius will poison my wine.”

“Not poison, maybe just a mild irritant.”  Merlin gave him a weak smile. 

Arthur knelt next to the bed.  “Merlin I didn’t know they were beating their servants.  Had I known I would have stopped it.” He watched in relief as Merlin’s eyes softened.

“I know Sire.  The morning you sent me there, I had been debating with myself on whether to tell you or not.”

Arthur growled at him, “Is that why you were being so clumsy?”  

“Part of it.  I was preoccupied.  Both with that, and with the status of magic in the country.” Merlin ducked his head.  Arthur sighed.

“Yes, We will talk about that, but not yet.  I want Guinevere and Morgana to return and if I keep you awake much longer you’re going to pass out before telling Gaius that I’m not an evil king about to start the next great purge.  No one else knows about your magic, and we’re trying to keep it that way for the moment.” Merlin grinned and nodded. Arthur poked his head out and waved in Gaius.

Nothing more could be done tonight, but he was satisfied to know that their bond wasn't broken.  Bruised a bit.

But not broken.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next: How will Merlin's other friends react to the big reveal?


	5. I Believe You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Its time to tell the round table about Merlin's Magic. But What's this? Some of them already know?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay,
> 
> So there is a part of this chapter that sounds like I read it somewhere else before, but it could have been my own fic or someone else. No stealing is intended, if its yours chime up and I'll either give you credit or rewrite it :)

Arthur was there to welcome his friend and sister home two days later.  First, he knew that if he wasn’t the person to explain Merlin’s injuries to the two protective women, there would be hell to pay more so than already.  Second, he dearly needed his friend’s level head. These past three months since Morgana’s curse and then betrayal had brought Gwen, Arthur and Merlin closer than ever to each other and Arthur knew Gwen should know this secret.  He also had Merlin’s permission to tell her as long as he also relayed his apologies to the best of his ability.

“Lancelot, Leon; Gwaine will bring you up to date.  Then I will want the Knights of the Round Table in the small conference room tomorrow at lunch.”  Arthur had spent the last two days in the library going through the few musty books of laws and combat code.  Too many victories had been luck or lucky intervention, probably both caused by Merlin. He’d been reviewing their strategies for combating Magical Threats.  There seemed to be many missing elements. The tactics seem to have been developed with the idea that there would be sorcerers fighting with them as well as against them.  The librarian, Geoffrey, had been very helpful in this.

-Flashback-

"How did you find the document I recommended?" Geoffrey asked.

"Educational," Arthur replied then asked, "Why didn't my father burn that document along with everything else?"

"Because the charter was the start of his reign, it's signing marked the restoration of Camelot to it's rightful ruler," Geoffrey explained. "It's historical significance, for King Uther in particular, is beyond compare. To destroy it would be all but unthinkable, particularly not when one could simply alter the interpretation rather than the text."

"Do you have any other recommendations?" Arthur asked and Geoffrey smiled.

-End Flashback-

The documents Geoffrey had given him showed Arthur the foundation of his idealized Camelot laid bare. Perhaps it had been done out of pragmatism to fight a universal threat, but it had been done. But then Uther turned against magic.  Something had happened and Uther responded by doing all that was in his power to bury that foundation beneath the ashes of the sorcerers he killed. Rash action wouldn't see Uther's betrayal of his magical subjects rectified. It would take time and careful planning to see Camelot's foundation restored to its full potential. Arthur sighed; it was going to take effort and time. 

It was his father's lies that made this necessary and it was his job as the son to correct these grievous mistakes.

Arthur gave his sister a peck on the cheek and then guided his friend up the stairs.  “Morgana, our  _ guests _ are in the dungeon for attacking their king.  Please arrange for medicines for their servants.  In addition to whatever treasonous plans they might have had, they were barbaric to those under their rule.  Many of the children looked in desperate need of more aid than Gaius alone can provide.” He saw Morgana’s eyes flash.  She was a good person to look into this. It would also keep her busy so he could talk with Guinevere. 

“I will work with him at once.”  _  Uh Oh _ .

“Oh wait!  Um Morgana…”  He trailed off, trying to decide the least dangerous way to tell them both this next bit.  “One of the servants the Lords…mistreated…he was, well, Merlin. He’s resting with Gaius right now.”  

“WHAT!”   Arthur winced as he practically saw steam coming out their ears.  Guinevere fumed as Morgana calmed enough to speak first. Her cutting tone told Arthur she could guess at the answer to her question.  “And why, pray tell, was Merlin serving them out of sight?” Arthur ducked his head and backed away from them both.

“I told him to.”  

His meek reply seemed to soften Gwen, but Morgana hissed at him,  “If he doesn’t put peppers in your bath water, I will!” She spun on her heel and flounced away.  Arthur cringed with every angry step his half-sister took. He looked at his friend.

“Think I’d best give her space?”  

Gwen nodded in agreement and turned to continue walking towards the chambers the group used when it was just friends discussing the country.  They made it inside before Gwen spoke again.

“How did Merlin end up that hurt, if the other servants have been surviving it for years.  Merlin’s pretty indestructible?” Arthur gave her a confused look, “Well, he follows you into battle without armor, doesn’t he?”    _ No he’s clothed in magic _  Arthur made a mental note to ask his friend about it.  “Arthur?”

Arthur winced as he remembered Guinevere’s actual question.  “Ah, Herman said he was an expert at training terrible servants to do better.”  Arthur quailed under the furious look his friend assaulted him with. Holding his hands up, knowing full well that if he didn’t placate her, they would do nothing to protect him.  “I had no idea he was beating even the children!” Arthur backed away, looking down.

“I’d actually hoped it would help Merlin.”  He glanced at his friend to see her angry eyes regarding him with the patience of a guard dog waiting for its master to decide if the newcomer’s a threat.  “He’s so clumsy and, well, I know its embarrassing to him a lot of the time. It was even worse this last week, I thought, well…” 

Gwen sighed. “You thought someone could teach him a bit of grace.”   Arthur nodded sheepishly. “Arthur, Merlin is who he is. I’ve never seen him not trip over everything in sight.”  Arthur had to agree to that. He wondered if that would change knowing he was magic. 

Arthur had attempt an experiment of his own. He resolved that for the rest of that day he would only use his left hand. Arthur wanted to know what it felt like for Merlin to not use his magic and after Gaius' explanation it seemed like a way to experience it for himself.

He had asked Gaius after Merlin had dozed back off.  After thinking a moment, Gaius knocked a jar off his table. Arthur lunged forward, catching it before it could shatter. Gaius nodded. "Your physical reflexes are superb, Sire. As would be expected from a knight. When I did that to Merlin, his first reaction was to reach out with his magic."

"Even if he wanted to, Merlin couldn't stop using magic," Arthur muttered as he righted the goblet and stared at it, thinking.

Gaius shook his head. "He could try, but eventually he'd be surprised or in desperate need and would react with his magic, just like you reached out with your hand to stop the pitcher from falling. It's safer and a more realistic goal for Merlin to train himself to react with subtle magic than for him to try to suppress it all together."

Eventually Arthur even had to give up his experiment as impossible unless he took measures to restrain his right hand; its use was simply too reflexive. To continue Arthur switched, allowing himself the use of his dominant hand. This was an exercise in frustration.  Even with his off hand he found he had to think about not using one hand constantly. Every moment, with every action he had to remind himself that he wasn't allowed to use his left hand. After an hour Arthur was irritated beyond belief, even as a self-imposed limitation it felt wrong to deny a part of himself.

When training as a knight Arthur spent years strengthening his non-dominant side, training himself to view every part of his body as a weapon. Even in a tourney, where strict rules of combat were observed he used his shield-arm to shove opponents off-balance or distract. Given an opening he wouldn't hesitate to include even his feet and launch a kick. Arthur trained himself as a unit, sword and shield, brain and brawn, every part of him focused on a single goal. Merlin survived by dividing himself, magical against physical, what he was able to do verses what he allowed to do.  _ Maybe that's why he's so hopelessly clumsy _ ,' Arthur thought.  _ Because he has to focus so much of himself on not revealing his magic. Merlin is never allowed to use all his resources _ .'  Something to look into.

“Guinevere, let Morgana deal with this for the moment.  There’s something else I’d like to talk to you about.” Gwen sighed and after one last irritated look, she settled into her chair by the fire and looked at him expectantly.

“Merlin is my best friend.  Probably your best friend after Morgana, right?”  

“Has been practically since the day he walked into this city.”  Gwen agreed. 

“Would you think that even if he had magic?” Arthur waited as Gwen froze a moment.  She searched Arthur’s face as her thoughts whirled. Arthur could see her trying to fit this bit of information onto Merlin.

“Would he still be my friend, yes.  I can’t deny that. Would he tell me, no.  He would never make me choose between him and you, and even more, he wouldn’t put my life in danger.” Gwen response was careful.  Arthur nodded, having reached a similar conclusion after discussing this with Merlin the previous day while he was awake for a few hours.  Gaius said he’d be up and about later today so he should be ready for the meeting tomorrow.

“Arthur are you accusing Merlin of having magic?”  Arthur looked at his friend and realized that Gwen would rather defend Merlin than know the truth here.

“No, Guinevere.  I’m letting you know he does.”

* * *

Arthur halted his horse and dismounted.  The sun was just rising behind him as he knelt next to a stream.  Behind him, he could hear a groaning Merlin slide from his horse. He was healed enough for this, Gaius approved of a small trip in the woods, actually.  He wasn’t so happy about the early start, but they had a lot to do today.

“Arthur, are you going to tell me what we are doing out here?”  

“Well, I thought that if I had to be completely humiliated, I’d like it to be in private.”  Arthur grinned as he glanced at his tired manservant.  Merlin sighed and gave him a disgruntled, confused look.

“Right, when you feel like sharing with me, let me know.”  He sighed and plopped on the rock next to Arthur. Arthur stood. 

“Right.”  He took out his sword and swung it at his friend.  Predictably the servant yelped and ducked, raising his hands in surprise.  Unpredictably, he did not defend himself. Arthur stopped the sword barely a finger’s-breadth from Merlin’s chest.  “Are you always so useless? You’re supposed to defend yourself.” Merlin stood shakily.

“Right, defend myself.  How exactly, neither of us brought a shield.”  

“Merlin I want you to beat me.”  Arthur rolled his eyes. Figures his servant would be an idiot. 

“What?”  Merlin’s eyes narrowed in on Arthur’s.

“You said you could take me down with less than one blow.  Lets see it.” Arthur grinned. Merlin backed away shaking his head.

“Arthur, I’m not going to use magic against you!”  

Arthur sighed and looked down.  “Merlin, its like the other knights raising their swords against me, its to help both of us get better.  Now defend yourself!” Arthur swung his sword again, this time aiming for the stomach. Merlin scampered out of the way and then Arthur felt himself blown back.

He rolled to his feet.  Merlin was looking at him worriedly.  “I’m not going to beat you, Sire. You are my King.”  Arthur rolled his eyes. Every now and then a new knight would have the same attitude.

“I am your king?”  

Merlin nodded.  

“So you have to do what I say?”  

“Unfortunately.”  

Arthur glared at him for that.  “Then I order you to defeat me.”  

Merlin’s glare could have stripped leather.  Arthur raised his sword and charged.

Then he stopped.  Or rather his sword stopped.  Letting go of it, he swung at Merlin only for a stick to grab his ankle and he crashed down.  

“Are we done?  Cause I didn’t get breakfast and I’m hungry.”  Merlin crouched next to him.  Arthur stared at him and suddenly grabbed him by the neck and tossed him onto the ground next to him.  Merlin just sighed from the ground where he landed and looked up at Arthur and he brought a stick down on top of him.  A brief flash had the stick knocking his head back and Merlin sat up and looked over at his friend.

“Sire, unless you are willing to hurt me, this won’t end on my side.” 

“Of course I mean to hurt you a bit, that is when a spar ends.”  Arthur frowned. Merlin shook his head in exasperation.

“No, I mean really hurt me.  My magic stops when I either lose focus or consciousness.  Since I have an pots thrown at me and sword whacked at me the last few years, those minor injuries stopped being a distraction a long time ago.  You’d probably have to break my arm or something.” Arthur regarded Merlin with interest as the servant looked down in embarrassment. He had never asked Morgana all that many questions regarding her magic.  She was visiting a nearby druid group in secret and that was the extent he knew of her magical studies.

“Are all sorcerers like that?”  

Merlin shook his head.  “Most Warlocks are like that.  Sorcerers require the spells. I think that means they must have use of their voice as well.  The stronger someone is the less they need to concentrate. And the longer they can go. I have never exhausted my magic gradually.  Large spells have done it in one go, but not a bunch of little ones. Most eventually tire.” 

“And you’re the most powerful?”  Arthur regarded him with great curiosity.  Merlin withstood the scrutiny as he dragged himself onto a stone to sit. 

“The druids certainly believe so.”   Merlin shrugged. “There are fights in the past that have been close, back before I’d fully grasped the concept of my magic.  It sometimes has a mind of its own.” 

“Then why didn’t you defeat Morgause or Morgana, before we saved her?”  Arthur frowned. Merlin looked to one side uncertainly.

“Explaining it would have been difficult, but more than that, Morgana’s my friend.  So was Mordred.” 

“The druid boy?”  Arthur gave him a confused look.  Merlin simply nodded.

“Prophecy states that I will be the end of Morgana and Mordred will be the end of you.  I just couldn’t hurt a kid.” 

Arthur could see the frustration and concern flooding Merlin’s face.  Arthur decided to leave this for another time.

“Does anyone else know?”  

“Druids, obviously.  They have a different name for me.”  Merlin glanced at him. Arthur nodded.  “Well…” Arthur rolled his eyes.

“Out with it!”  

“Morgana knows.”  Merlin swallowed. 

Arthur regarded him with an assessing look.  “The battle, she saw you fight Morgause.” Merlin nodded.  Arthur’s eyes widened.

“Lancelot?”  Merlin looked away as Arthur swore.  “Gwaine?” At Arthur’s exasperated cry, Merlin’s head shot back up and he shook it emphatically.

“If Gwaine knows, I didn’t tell him.  Lancelot figured it out on his own.” At Arthur’s raised eyebrow he added, “The griffin was killed with magically aided lance.”  

Arthur’s eyes lit up as he started to see the clearing up of a lot of mysteries.

“And the old man trying to put a spell on me?  A friend of yours?”

“You might say that.”   Merlin grumbled.  He sighed at Arthur’s look.  “An aging potion to protect Gwen.”  Arthur blinked at him in amazement as he realized something.  He looked at Merlin.

“All this time, the last three years.  You never sought any credit.” His tone of awe brought a small smile to Merlin’s face.

“That’s not why I did it, is it?”  Arthur regarded him a moment, as if trying to see the friend behind the magic and mystery.  Then he shook his head and grinned.

“Come on, lets go find breakfast and I can watch you apologize to our mutual friend.”  

Merlin sighed as he stood to get on the horse. It was a sigh of a long suffering servant that followed his master, hell or high water.

* * *

Gwen’s response was everything they could have hoped for; supportive, admonishing and amused.  Of course, her demand to be told all the adventures Merlin had been on was expected, and echoed by Arthur a moment later.  Merlin just sighed and shook his head as he exited the kitchen with lunch for three, Gwen insisted he join them as an apology.  Arthur had quailed under her glare and meekly agreed. That had made Merlin duck out of the room quickly before his chuckle burst out.

He scampered up the stairs and was promptly waylaid by a strong arm about his neck.  “There you are!” He glanced at Gwaine through his hair and huffed as he tried to extricate himself without spilling lunch.  “I see our Royal Sire has you back at work! Well this just won’t do.” Merlin protested as he reached out and lifted the tray from Merlin’s arms.

“Yeah, Merlin, you should be resting a bit more.”  

Merlin grinned at Elyan.  “If I did that how would Arthur ever find his shirts?”  A series of soft guffaws gave him the excuse to grab his lunch back.  “I’m fine.” 

Gwaine frowned at the skinny boy a moment.  “I doubt it.” 

Merlin glared at him.  “I will be should you let me have lunch.”  They blinked at him and glanced at the tray.  

“Isn’t that King Arthur’s lunch?”  Lancelot was the one to speak up, having remained quiet throughout the ribbing to gauge his friends mood.

Merlin shrugged, juggling the tray once again.  “Arthur and Gwen wanted to talk to me so we’re all eating together.”  He barely caught Percival’s smile as Gwaine clapped his shoulder with a hand.

“About time he did that.”  Merlin winced as that hit his sore back for the third time.   Gwaine pulled away.  “Sorry, I forgot a moment.”  Merlin pulled a smile out of somewhere.

“Its nothing, just freshly healed.  Ta!”  He scampered under Gwaine’s arm and up the stairs.  It wasn’t until he was in the hall outside Arthur’s chambers that he paused for a painful breath and to rub his throbbing back.

“Merlin?”  He glanced up at Lancelot, unconcerned that the man had followed him.  Of all his friends, he hid the least from Lancelot with great relief. “Can’t lie to me.”  

“Yeah, I know.  Kind of a relief sometimes.” Merlin huffed a breath.  Lancelot grinned under his concern. “I am healing. It’s like the fireball, it’ll just take some time.”  His friend nodded.

“Makes sense.  That really for you too?”  His nod was toward the tray and Merlin smiled.

“Yeah.  Gwen was quite fierce so Arthur relented.  Plus there’s something he actually wants to discuss with me and Gwen.”  Lancelot raised an eyebrow. “Tell you when I can.” He shrugged.

They both stood there a moment.

“I’m still reeling, honestly.”  Merlin admitted. Lancelot’s eyes grew even more questioning.  “He knows.” 

Now Lancelot’s concern focused in on his friend with frightening speed.  Merlin’s secret was one that could get him killed. It was the only reason Lancelot kept it despite his vows of knighthood.  Honor and Justice above all sometimes meant that a law was wrong and you had to do what was right despite that. If that meant he was to be beheaded as a traitor when it was found out, so be it, he wouldn’t run.  That too was part of his code.

“They both seem cool with it.  A bit thrown, but okay.” Merlin shifted a moment and Lancelot could read how uncomfortable the teen was.

“How about after lunch, you come find me and we’ll go for a ride?” At Lancelot’s soft suggestion, Merlin gave him a look of gratitude.  He gave Lancelot his goofy smile and nodded before squaring his shoulders and entering his master’s chambers.

* * *

Arthur waited until Merlin was out of the door before turning to Gwen.  They had talked last night before Merlin had been ready to leave his bed.  It was a lot of rehashing old adventures and speculation before Gwen sensibly decided it was useless without asking Merlin directly.

“What should we talk about first?”  

Gwen tapped her chin thoughtfully a moment.  “I think asking him about legalizing magic would be too strong a start.  Maybe let’s ask him to explain some of the mysteries first.” Arthur nodded, fidgeting in his seat, readying himself to start this talk.  Gwen hid a small smile. “Arthur, I don’t think this will be so bad.” Arthur looked at her befuddled. Gwen was amused.

“I have never known the two to not be able to talk.  You may not be able to agree or even talk about a topic, but the two of you could banter until the sky fell.”  

Arthur sighed and hid his head in his hands.

“Guinevere, please don’t even joke about that.  For all I know Merlin could make it happen.” 

Gwen was still giggling hysterically at her scowling king when Merlin poked his head in the room.  He smiled uncertainly at them as he asked what Arthur did this time. That simply increased Gwen’s hilarity.

* * *

Merlin sighed as he followed Arthur, Lancelot and Percival out into the woods.  He had told Arthur and Gwen that if they were set on him telling all of the round table knights then, he would rather re-explain history only once.  Aside from a few more personal questions from the pair, they were okay with that and with Gwen’s help the two men had descended into the common bickering they were more known for in certain circles.

Arthur had decided to start introducing the concept of magic slowly to the kingdom.  First to those most loyal not only to him but to Merlin, the Round Table. Merlin had sheepishly explained again that Lancelot already knew and Arthur had growled at him and spent nearly five minutes trying to grab him in a headlock.  Gwen’s laughter had rang throughout the halls all afternoon as Merlin never could meet with Lancelot to go riding. Mostly they talked about how Merlin and Arthur were doing just fine. Gwen had rolled her eyes a lot before she left them to affairs of state as she went to talk with Morgana, who Merlin said also knew from Morgause.

Merlin sighed as they rounded another bend on this fake camping trip to find a small clearing that had been their goal.  It was the same clearing where Merlin had placed Escaliber. Arthur called them to a stop and motioned the two knights off their horses.  The confusion showed clearly in their eyes, but Merlin was too wound up to notice. Percival was a good friend and while Merlin didn’t think the man would have anything against magic itself, this was a pretty big secret to keep.

“Merlin?”  He glanced at Lancelot’s concerned gaze.  Merlin gave him a weak smile. While it was true that Arthur wasn’t condemning him, he also hadn’t been alone with him since the announcement without some prior, magic related, agenda.  He missed the random banter they only had when alone and Arthur shed his “I am invincible” act.

“Lance, Percival there is something we need to talk about.”  Lancelot glanced at Merlin, who nodded, confirming what was about to happen.  The strong hand on his shoulder was welcome and Merlin relaxed slightly as they lumbered over the where Percival was quietly waiting for his two friends.  Merlin cleared his throat a moment and with a nod from Arthur giving him the floor, he spoke.

“Percival, there’s something about me you need to know.”  The large silent man listened calmly without interrupting the warlock until Merlin ran out of words.  Lancelot stood silently by, letting his friend work through this. Finally Percival nodded.

“I guess that makes sense.”  

Arthur just blinked at the knight.  “It makes sense?” Merlin thought that was a bit over the top in the exasperated.  “It makes sense that clumsy, skinny awkward Merlin who had spent the last four years as a servant under my boot taking every insult in our repertoire is a powerful Warlock?”  Well, when put like that, Merlin could see where Arthur was coming from, irritating as it may be. Percival simply shrugged.

“He follows us into every battle and will be the only one without a serious injury, most of the time and he always seems to know more about what’s going on than anyone else.”  

“Part of that is his timing.”  Lancelot grinned. “Merlin has the best, or worst, depending ob your point of view, timing I have ever met, even for a sorcerer.”  

Percival gave that a small smirk and nodded to Merlin.  Merlin hoped it would be that easy with everyone else.

* * *

The next morning Lancelot went with Merlin to tell Gwaine and Elyan.  Arthur had wanted to be there to show his support, but the council meeting couldn’t be put off.  He wanted the reforms for servant protection in his lands passed through today.

When they got to the clearing, which Merlin had explained to Lancelot the previous journey, Lancelot dismounted and Merlin quietly followed the example.  Elyan shrugged and mimicked them, but Gwaine whined.

“If the princess doesn’t need us to hunt why did you have to drag us way out here?”  Lancelot gave Gwaine a tolerant smile and simply gestured to get over here.

“I have something to tell you two.”  Gwaine looked about ready to whine again, but something on Merlin’s face stopped him.  Grumbling slightly, he hopped down and stood waiting with Elyan. Merlin shuffled a moment before taking a deep breath.

“I have magic.”  

At first, they seemed to be waiting for some other big announcement after this.  When that clicked that not only was that the announcement, but what the words actually meant, both faces darkened alarmingly.  Merlin simply waited. Elyan found his voice first.

“So when my sister was threatened and my father was killed, you could have helped them?”  

Merlin winced at that.   “I did try to help them-“  “

But only enough to not give yourself away!”  Merlin watched as Elyan shook his head in disgust and stomped to the other side of the clearing, shaking his head and he seemed to try to wrap his mind around this.  Merlin glanced at Gwaine, who was simply frowning at Merlin. He looked more disappointed than angry, which Merlin supposed was a good start.

“And you have had this ability for some years I take it?”  Merlin nodded to the unusually tight-lipped Gwaine. Gwaine glanced away before he met Lancelot’s gaze.  “You knew?” 

“He found out because I needed his help to protect Arthur and Camelot.”  

Elyan returned at this.  “Arthur, but not Gwenie, not a friend who has supported you from the instant you arrived.  I remember her telling me how she met you before even Gaius! Have you even told her!?! Is this how much she is worth to you.”  Lancelot bristled, but he had promised Merlin and Arthur not to get involved in the conversation unless it got physical.

“I did what I could.  Yes, Gwen knows. She seems okay with this all.”  

Elyan scoffed.  While he was pacing angrily, Gwaine spoke again.

“Are you telling all the round table?”  

Merlin sighed and nodded.“Yes.” 

Gwaine glanced at Elyan and his look soured.  “I guess I can see why you wouldn’t want to tell anyone, especially if this is the common reaction.”  Merlin shook his head.

“Sir Elyan’s reaction is actually rather calm.  I’m just glad I’m not burning yet.” Merlin shuddered and felt all color drain from his face, before he pushed the thought out of his mind again.  Gwaine was watching him closely.

“If our princess is that stupid, I hope you would ignore his example and free yourself.”  

Merlin looked away.

“I wouldn’t be able to.  My life is Arthur. Exile is the same as death in this sense and I wouldn’t disobey Arthur’s order when he’s serious.”  

Gwaine nodded.  Merlin was simply that loyal, he knew that.  He ducked his head to one side. “I simply wish I had come across as a more reliable friend.”  Merlin gave him a confused look. Gwaine gestured to Lancelot. “You brought a body guard.” Merlin glanced at Lancelot, but didn’t dispute his role here.

“Gwaine, this secret, there was so much more at stake than my life.  I couldn’t risk it where I didn’t have to.” Merlin shrugged weakly. Elyan marched over.  Growling under his breath, the young knight looked Merlin in the eye.

“Tell me you did everything you could to save my father and my sister!”  

Merlin blinked at him, before adopting a stern demeanor.  “There was nothing more I could think to do.” Elyan grimaced but nodded.

“King Arthur knows?”  Merlin nodded. Elyan huffed.  “I can’t say I’m okay yet, but I’m not going to do anything stupid.  I won’t betray Gwenie, or Arthur.” 

Merlin nodded.  He had expected to lose some friends.  He glanced at Gwaine.

“Couldn’t you have done this at a pub, or at least brought us something?”  The sigh was enough to startle a chuckle out of Merlin.

“Why do you think I don’t drink much?”  Gwaine raised an eyebrow in question, Merlin had to grin recklessly.  Here was a funny story he could tell that Gwaine would appreciate.

* * *

Arthur immediately headed for the stables when the meeting got out.  He looked for the missing horses, disappointed to not see them back yet.  He was missing Merlin’s jokes. Ever since the announcement, Merlin didn’t make the same jokes, as if he was scared Arthur was going to haul him off for the least little thing.  He was a good distraction at boring proceedings, always had been. He also knew when to pay attention.

He heard a group of horses return with the desired riders outside.  Lancelot and Gwaine decided they were going to ride around, Gwaine wanted to pick Lancelot’s brain on jousting and maybe a story or two.  Elyan left his horse with Merlin, who willingly took it inside the stable along with his own gelding. Arthur backed up in time to avoid Merlin’s sight as the servant entered the stable and led each horse to its respective stall.  

Arthur watched curiously as Merlin gave one horse then another a good rub down.  Why not use magic. As far as Merlin knew, he was alone. Arthur realized with a start, that Merlin wasn’t alone, Arthur was here and Merlin didn’t know it.  Merlin couldn’t risk it, even when he might be alone, he had to be sure. No wonder he was so damn sarcastic for such an innocent. This would drive him to distraction.

“Oh look, it’s the pet.”  

Arthur scowled as a palace servant from the lower rooms sauntered in with two others, all carrying various item obviously for chores of many types.  Merlin didn’t even glance at them. The leader hissed at him.

“What the pet had his bark taken away.  Were you spanked for being a bad boy?” The low chuckles reverberated throughout the stable.  Merlin simply ignored them, though Arthur was certain that spot on the horse was well rubbed by now.  He clenched his fist.

“Aww poor Merlin, did your ‘real friends’ head off without you?”  Arthur blinked, completely confused. Merlin didn’t even flinch. “I mean you know they aren’t really your friends, just our King’s.  You’re more of a pet, funny little servant to jump when they say jump.” Merlin ducked under the front of the horse to rub the other side, still apparently ignoring them.  Arthur was incensed, but also curious. Gwen had mentioned that Merlin didn’t make friends among the servants easily. Maybe here was why, maybe Arthur could help him for a change.  

“I bet they never even helped you carry that armor, or the swords, you’re always dropping on your foot.  Because they know what we all know. You’re lower than them, not even of the same air. Always so superior, but they won’t ever see you as an equal, they would never lower themselves to this level.  The best you can hope for is for them to deign to touch their level, if you can do something spectacular.” 

Arthur frowned.

He had helped Merlin out!  He had kept the hopelessly inept servant.  He then remembered once when he had stayed in Guinevere’s home before he had become king.  Even now Guinevere didn’t believe Arthur could do anything a servant did with any sort of competence.

The group continued to throw abuse at Merlin as the warlock ignored them with what Arthur recognized as practiced ease.  He realized something significant. He had picked up the jealousy, it was something that had been directed at him personally in the past.  His father had been very gentle when explaining it as a child. He realized that these servants thought very little of not only their job, but also of those they served.  This was a problem.

“Hey!  I’m talking to you, you self-important idiot!”  Arthur glanced over to see on take a swing at Merlin, who scampered out of the stall, done with the horses.  Merlin scooted out the door, leaving them to continue their work before they could follow. Arthur scowled as he crept out behind him without being seen.  

* * *

Arthur found Elyan talking with his sister and from their postures, Guinevere was giving her brother a good mental restructuring.  Arthur had received a few over the years, and he knew what they looked like. Ducking out of range he went to find Merlin and drag him from whatever task he was dawdling at to come for a ride with Leon and Geoffrey.

Finding Leon and Geoffrey was easy, they were already heading to get ready for the ride, though Geoffrey was understandably confused.  He explained to his king that as the librarian, he had chosen a profession to avoid horses, but he still agreed to a short ride.

It was nearly a half hour later when he finally located Merlin in Arthur’s room of all places, polishing armor.  Which he promptly dropped on his foot when Arthur came through the door. “You will have to start that over again.”  

“It would help if you didn’t sneak up on me.”  Merlin groused as he glanced his way. Arthur grinned.

“Where’s the fun in that?”  

Merlin sighed, grinning.

“Prat!”

“Whatever.”  He glanced at the armor a moment,  “Anyway we’ve got a ride to go on, so come on, let’s get ready!”  

Merlin dragged himself up.  “I’m spending more time in a horse than in the castle these days.”  Arthur ignored his muttering and grabbed an extra cloak, it was getting cold.  He tossed it at Merlin as the teen scampered out the door. The cloak practically engulfed him, but he beat his way out and gathered it up to follow his master to the stables.  It occurred to Arthur that once again Merlin was putting himself to his master’s crazy plan.

They met up with the two out in the clearing and Merlin told them outright.  Geoffrey’s reaction was surprise followed by shrewd assessment. And a comment that he needed to get out of his library more to catch up with his friend Gaius.  Leon waited patiently for the librarian to finish before turning to Merlin and Arthur. Both waited. Leon had been one of Uther’s knights as well, of all the knights, he had the most indoctrination into the anti-magic paranoia.  

However, Sir Leon simply shrugged.  “I already know.” All three of them blinked at the man.  Leon shuffled a moment sheepishly. “I have been hunting magic users for years, My Lord.  I know how to spot a hidden sorcerer. I’ve known since the Cup of Life that someone in our group was, it wasn’t hard to pick out Merlin, Sire.”  Merlin sat down hard on a conveniently located stump. Arthur swallowed the indignity before asking a more pressing question.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”  

“Sire, my loyalty to your father was strong."  Leon regarded his king with some trepidation.  "I would have protected him and Camelot with my life.  I, also, at his order, would have, and did, capture mothers healing their dying children, fathers protecting their families from bandits and loyal retainers using their magic for your father’s sake and under his order.  I learned some hard lessons along the way. Loyalty is no more attached to Magic than it is to a Sword. No more than bloodline and money. Loyalty is what Merlin does. He saves our sorry arses, not only without recognition, but without any assurances that we regard him as little more than drop door at our back entrance, and just as easily removed should it become useless or troublesome.”  Leon glanced at Merlin’s pale face that was watching him with hopeful terror, as if Leon was only airing aloud his worse fears. Arthur’s gaze followed his briefly and Arthur had to close his eyes to the look on the face of his best friend.

“You have 13 loyal and brave individuals in that castle who can, and when needed for your sake, do perform magic that I know of.  I am loyal to you. Should your investigations ever point to one of these individuals I would have stepped forward and accepted the consequences.  I kept Merlin’s secret for the same reason I keep the rest, our kingdom needs magic to survive. We always have. To protect you and your father, I would give my life, risking burning with a sorcerer was a small price to pay.”  

Arthur glanced at Merlin again to see tears swimming slightly in the blue eyes and he knew this was something Merlin was terrified to expose.  Arthur nodded to both of them and reminded them not to tell anyone before dismissing them back to the castle under orders to meet at the round table the next day at noon to discuss it.

Once they were gone he turned to Merlin.  His best friend was staring at the ground.  Arthur could see the small tremors from here and recognized a break down, though he had never seen Merlin go through one.  “Merlin?” 

“I truly thought I had no one.”  Arthur stayed quiet, wanting to hear this, knowing Merlin needed to say this.  “I thought I was the only one who was loyal to you and risking my life at the same time.  No one else ever seemed to have this problem. Gaius was protected by Uther for the most part.  And he was still all set to burn and he didn’t even do magic. They were best friends. I’ve heard him talk about it.”  Merlin swallowed as Arthur felt a bit sick to his stomach at all the hurt and fear his best friend had been feeling without his knowledge.

“Every time I would start to think I should, or could, tell you something would happen to reinforce your belief in the evils of magic.  And I would see Gaius after that magic hunter got through with him. He wasn’t given food or water for three days while that-that-that bastard threatened him and everyone he loved in an attempt to get him to simply reveal that he had magic.  In the end, he agreed to say so to protect me an-and Morgana from becoming the next targets of his torture. He was suspicious of Morgana’s nightmares and Gaius would never let that monster near any of his patients.” Arthur knelt in front of his hysterical servant as Merlin practically melted to the ground.

“I swear, I never meant to hurt or to betray anyone.  I wanted to protect Camelot’s future. I wanted to protect your future.  Here was the only place where I am 'Merlin'. I wanted that. I was selfish.  I’m so sorry Your Majesty. Please believe that. Please, I beg of you-“ Arthur gripped Merlin tightly about the neck and pulled him close.  Merlin just dissolved into tears and Arthur held him.

“I believe you, you idiot.  I always will.” 


	6. Merlin's Loyalty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How do someone's fears show a person's loyalty? What do they say about a person? 
> 
> Arthur finds out. Just how Loyal is Merlin?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys. This is late because I had two midterms last week. Got one back and earned a B, so now waiting on Toxicology. What do you guys think?

The transition of the law into benign magic returning to Camelot went a lot smoother than expected.  Morgana was named Court Sorcerer, or Sorceress in this case, at her and Merlin’s suggestion. Arthur had thought to offer it to Merlin, but Merlin refused.  He claimed to hate the spotlight and being in the middle of everything would make his job harder. So Merlin remained in the shadow, and while his magic was no longer illegal, they all agreed to limit the spread of the knowledge of it

The meal the afternoon Morgana’s new position was announced was quiet with the court more thoughtful and the less rowdy presence of the round table members.  Seeing the distraction put them all in a inquisitive but quiet mood. Merlin wasn’t too distracted, however, to let go of long earned habits, such as scanning for magical threats.  Arthur and his knights were quite good at dealing with normal threats when within Camelot’s walls, so he relaxed a bit usually.

He did however notice the glittering ring on one of the younger lords sparkle more than usual today.  Letting go of his own worried with practiced ease, he silently started to analyze the magic. With a lump in his throat, he realized the spell was started and heading for Arthur, and he didn’t recognize it.

“Arthur!”  He dropped the pitcher on Gwen’s lap forced her to squeal and back away from the line of fire and gave him a clear way to push himself in front of Arthur.

Arthur glanced at Gwen at her screech and opened his mouth to berate Merlin for covering a lady in mead when Merlin shoved him back and was engulfed in a cloud of magic.

Chaos descended on the room as courtiers jumped up and away, knights jumped at the young man and Arthur leaped for Merlin as the servant collapsed.  Lancelot pulled Gwen out of reach so Arthur didn’t have to worry about his friend and Leon had Morgana guarded, though any attempt to pull her away was rebuked sharply.

Arthur glanced up from Merlin’s side to the knights holding the young lord.  “Dungeons, NOW! Gwaine, find Gaius.” His growl nearly echoed the chamber. Elyan and Octavius manhandled the attacker out of the room as Gwaine sprang away to find the healer.  It didn’t take long as Gaisu was rarely far from Merlin and vice versa. 

“Sire, what happened?”  Arthur’s explanation didn’t seem to help much.  “Bring him!” Gaius glanced at the nearest servant and barked a few more orders as Arthur lifted his light friend easily and they strode out of the room.

Morgana and Gwen, followed by Lancelot and Leon were the ones to bring the supplies to Arthur’s room.  They didn’t want anyone who didn’t know Merlin’s secret to be there. Gaius was already researching the possible spell as Arthur and Gwaine tried to hold Merlin onto the bed that he was thrashing on.

Gaius came over with a drink.  “I examined the ring Sire. The spell is simple enough.  It creates a magical imbalance in the blood of its victim.  I saw many such rings during the war. For a non-magical person, this is instantly fatal.”  

Arthur inhaled sharply.  “And for a magical person?”  

Gaius looked up from where he was trying to coax Merlin to drink.  “It interferes with their magical balance. It’s up to the strength and flexibility of the person’s magic.”  Arthur looked at Merlin writhing on the cot.

“Merlin is strong.”  

Gaius nodded.  “He is Sire, but we need to awaken his magic to the danger. It rarely must heal itself.  This drink will force him awake enough for his magic to begin the healing, but it will also make him slightly delusional for a day or two.”  He helped Merlin to take the drink.

Arthur came forward and held the skinny shoulders as Gaius fed the unconscious man the potion.  Merlin fought it sluggishly, but Arthur thought that was more that Gaius’s potions were always awful than the spell.  

Gaius glanced at Arthur.  “Sire, he may be recumbent for several days.  It may be prudent to move him to his own room.”  

Arthur shook his head.  “He saved my life. Again.  Unless you need him close, I’d rather he remain here.”  Arthur looked around and realized his plan consigned him to sleeping on the floor or not at all.  “We will set up a cot in the corner for him.” After all Merlin was used to a cot. Arthur really should get the bed, as king.

The night did not pass peacefully.  Gaius warned Arthur about delusions that may visit Merlin.  He mentioned nightmares from Merlin’s darkest secrets, possibly fears the warlock himself did not acknowledge or even know.  Arthur had waved the man to bed. He was Merlin’s closest friend, besides Gwen. Or Lancelot. Or...Merlin had a lot of close friends!  Regardless, Arthur was ready and well-equipped to handle anything his friend’s imagination could dream up.

The first nightmare was tame.  Arthur didn’t think so at the time, but a the night wore on, he found himself re-evaluating that opinion.  It was straight forward death of Merlin’s friends and family. The thrashing had nearly thrown the slight form from the cot, but Arthur caught him up and reassured him that his mother, his mentor, his friends, his king, they were all fine.  He was the one in danger, so he should stop worrying about everyone else.

The second nightmare was also a common enough fear, that Arthur was unsurprised his friend feared being caught helpless by bandits or vagrants.  Arthur had to grit his teeth as his friend pleaded, first for help and then for the bandits to stop. He held his friend and spoke of safety just as he had when Morgana had woken him with nightmares as a child.

The next nightmare took a while to understand and Arthur was befuddled.  It clearly had to do with Arthur in some way. It didn’t sound like Merlin was afraid of Arthur, but more afraid for Arthur.  So Arthur was in danger, but Merlin was pleading and fighting with Arthur throughout the dream. Arthur decided after the man had settled again that dream-Arthur had been under a spell Merlin couldn’t combat.  He looked at the sun as it rose, wondering just how much of their lives were wrapped in each other that Merlin’s nightmares should feature him so prominently.

Gwen sat with Merlin most of the day.  Arthur was needed in court. As king, he had too many duties to brush them aside for a day, even with Morgana taking much of the burden off his shoulders.  For one thing, he had to hold trial for the castor of the malicious spell Merlin was currently battling, and the related attempting regicide. Additionally, the new magic laws were fragile and with the attack, they were that much weaker, forcing Arthur to spend hours with his advisors drafting legal proceedings on use of magic in Camelot.

When he retired to his rooms well after sun down, Gwen and Gaius were already there to fill him in on the day.  Merlin’s nightmares had continued, growing progressively more devastating for the warlock, locked in his own mind.  Gaius was heartened that Merlin’s magic had started reacting to the nightmares. He claimed this implied the magic had awakened to the threat.  Gwen quietly told Arthur that she was less thrilled, since Merlin’s magic had reached out multiple times. 

When asked, Gwen could only describe two of Merlin’s nightmares, one where Arthur restarted the purge and one where Arthur ordered his execution.  Arthur had been aware of the second fear ever since the discussion with Leon in the clearing. Truthfully, that fear hurt the most partially because of how close to being reality it could have been.

Arthur restarting the purge was silly though.  Gwen described Merlin’s mutterings as fear that he was following the wrong person and that Arthur would betray magic for genocide.  There had been a lot of talk about prophecy and Arthur resolved to pin Merlin down once and for all and get an answer on the whole prophecy thing.  Merlin had been dodging that for quite a while.

Arthur assured her that both fears were ridiculous and Merlin and Arthur were safe.  He then sent her off to her own bed. He managed to finish his own meal and nap before Merlin’s cries woke him.  

Arthur looked over to see Merlin curled in the corner of the room, shaking.  Gaius had warned that complete hallucinations commonly occurred in the end stages of the spell fight, so Arthur approached Merlin slowly, unsure what his friend was actually seeing.

“Get away!”

Arthur froze several sword lengths away from the shaking man.  In a low, calm voice, he called to Merlin. “I’m staying right here.  Everything is okay, Merlin.”

“No!”  Merlin’s hand was outstretched and trembling.  “I didn’t mean to. Stay away! I can’t… NO!”

Merlin seemed to see some event that Arthur could only guess at.  Whatever his manservant was experiencing, he curled into an even smaller ball of bony limbs, shaking terribly.  Merlin stuck his hands under his armpits in desperation and tears started rolling down his thin face.

Arthur risked another step forward.  He took another before it caught Merlin’s attention.

“Please…”  The trembling, fragile voice broke Arthur’s heart.  Not even the smallest child spoke in a voice as that.  “I can’t control it. Please, stay away. It’s not safe.”

That was when Arthur realized Merlin’s fear.  He knew his friend contained more magic in that scrawny little body than most full grown, fully trained sorcerers.  Merlin himself had spoken of his lack of magical limits, only educational ones. He knew that as a child, Merlin’s magic had been more instinctive and likely gotten away from him more than once.  But to his knowledge, Merlin hadn’t ever lost complete control.

Except his mind was now tormenting him with a what-if scenario, likely a worst case knowing Merlin.  Arthur grabbed his own courage firmly. Merlin wasn’t about to lose control, and Arthur refused to be scared of scrawny, clumsy, awkward Merlin.  Arthur gathered his friend close and rocked them both.

“You didn’t do anything wrong.  Everything is fine.” Arthur was secretly glad Merlin was unlikely to remember this, Arthur felt like such a girl.  But he remembered Morgana’s nightmares, and her fears about her own magic. He remembered sitting with her as she poured out her fears to him and then letting her relax in his arms as she recovered her fortitude.

It did seem to calm Merlin down some.  The man relaxed into his arms, breathing harshly.  Then Merlin sat up and looked up at Arthur and the young king was stunned to see glassy tears in his eyes.  Merlin had always been so in control, so good at hiding his true feelings, Arthur had not realized just how much, until the reveal.  Even that was nothing compared to the vulnerable gaze that pinned Arthur against the wall.

“Its okay.”  Arthur jumped at Merlin’s quiet voice.  It was almost as if he was soothing Arthur now.  Except he was looking through Arthur instead of at him.  “Its not your fault, Arthur. You did everything perfect.  Everything’s okay now.” Merlin’s soft croon was accompanied by fat tears rolling silently down his cheeks.  “Don’t worry, I’ll take care of everything. You can sleep now.”

Arthur felt his insides freeze.  Gods above, Merlin was seeing his death!

Tears continued to roll down Merlin’s face as he comforted the illusion of a dying Arthur.  Arthur didn’t know what to say. 

Merlin simply whispered under his breath, “Just sleep now.”  His breath caught and Arthur knew, dream-Arthur had just slipped away.  Merlin had gone to crying large silent tears as he started talking to the corpse that wasn’t there.

“I’m sorry, Arthur.  I’m sorry I wasn’t stronger.  I’m sorry I wasn’t better.” Merlin sniffed in a large breath.  “I was born to serve you and I failed you when you needed me. I can do this last thing for you.  I’ll take care of everything, so you can just rest.” 

Merlin blinked, drawing back from Arthur who was still kneeling next to him.  Arthur reached out quickly as Merlin’s eyes rolled back. The man collapsed like a wet rag and Arthur called his guard to bring Gaius.  He cradled the slight form as he waited for the physician. 

What had he just seen?  He had always known Merlin’s loyalty was to him.  But this was deeper. This was beyond the loyalty he knew.  

Arthur looked down as Gaius rushed in the room.  Merlin was beyond loyalty.

* * *

Turned out that Merlin had moved into true sleep at that point.  The next morning he awoke with a groggy, but otherwise cheerful grin.  When Arthur asked him about the nightmares, he shrugged, claiming not to remember them clearly.  With the stories Gwen told, he stated it was probably for the best, before shivering and scampering away.

Arthur could see Merlin was putting this attack away in his mind.  Just another ‘saved King Arthur’ day in the life of the secret warlock.  Merlin may have forgotten the nightmares, but Arthur hadn’t.

Arthur swore he’d never forget.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, what do you think of my interpretation of Merlin's fears? Did I miss any that you think are glaringly obvious?


	7. Stay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A spell has been cast on Arthur. Sorcerers really do have lousy timing! But it's alright by the end!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ummm...Explicit in this chapter. Yummy, delicious guy on guy explicit goodness here!

Arthur groaned as he stretched.  He’d been working on this speech for hours and the sun hadn’t even gone down yet.  He glanced up at his best friend as he worked steadily. At least Merlin’s task looked interesting.  Merlin was adding certain protections to his cloak. What protections, Arthur wasn’t sure, except that Merlin and Morgana had been discussing them for days, an argument that led Morgana to a trip to visit that druid leader whose name he always forgot.  Originally, Merlin had been sewing the patterns on the red cloth. Arthur made sure to express his opinion that Merlin was supposed to be born a girl, but now the thread was obediently moving on its own and Merlin prodded it into shape more than anything else.

“Merlin.”  His voice startled the man so strongly, Arthur had to withhold a snicker, “If your work doesn’t take much concentration then perhaps you could assist me here as well.”

The minor glare tossed his way tickled his belly before Merlin focused again on the cloth and spoke rather sternly to the apparently recalcitrant bit of thread.  “Actually, _Sire_ , this takes a great deal of concentration since your cloak is as obstinate as its owner.  My mother’s clothes were not nearly so grumpy!”

Arthur admirably restrained himself from tossing the empty water goblet at the man before the brunet spoke again, “Besides, the speech is done and sitting in the left drawer.”

Then Arthur did toss the goblet at him.  He fully deserved it! “Why didn’t you say so earlier _Mer-lin_!”

Merlin rubbed his head, glaring at the monarch.  “I told you when you sat down to use the supplies in the left drawer, _Arth-ur_.  Not my fault you didn’t pay attention any of the five times I said so.”

Merlin looked back at the cloak and sighed.  The thread, with a wave of his hand, began undoing the last bit of work.  “Besides, only a prat would be sick of writing a speech after only half a candle mark’s worth of time.”

“Well, this prat wants to eat dinner and go to bed.”  Arthur huffed as he stood. He glanced over the scroll, but he trusted Merlin’s instincts when it came to speeches.

He watched as Merlin gathered his items and bundled them into the current project box.  It lived under Arthur’s bed and when Merlin’s other chores were seen to, either by him or his magic, he’d keep Arthur company while the king slogged through all the tedium of a kingdom.  This had been the normal for the last 10 months since magic was made legal.

Merlin set out Arthur’s bedclothes and began turning down the bed.  As was often the case, Arthur wished his friend would take the offer of court sorcerer.  Morgana was filling the role nicely, but she had actual lordship (ladyship?) duties as well and little training.  But Merlin repeatedly wanted to stay ensorceled in the shadows, protecting from behind the shield of anonymity. It drove Arthur a bit off his boots.  

The most powerful magic user in the world, his manservant.  He was tempted to give Merlin a made-up title, like official royal watch dog, or king’s shadow, if only to give the man some recognition.  Sometimes in his fantasies, the title was King’s Best Friend. Merlin was unlikely to accept that any more than any of the other suggestions.  This was one thing Arthur was determined not to overrule Merlin on. Once upon a time, the thought of Arthur finding out about his magic, of Arthur possibly being so angry, of his regard turned to hate, this thought sent Merlin to his knees in tears.

Arthur never wanted to see that again.

That didn’t stop him from noticing how much he trusted Merlin.  How much he needed him.

Merlin doused the lights as he slipped out of the room to his room down the hall.  The one battle Arthur had actually won, purely because it truly was safer for Arthur to have Merlin close by.  Not that this was his only motive, because in the darkness, alone, Arthur knew.

He knew how much he loved him.

* * *

Evening parties were always hit or miss, rarely halfway.  Either widely entertaining or dreadfully dull. Regardless, Arthur had grown up attending them and this one was no different.  The wine flowed freely and the conversation filled the room. Arthur had to admit, everyone was having a good time. He wasn’t even sure why he wasn’t.  Many of his companions walked the room. His knights, Gwen, even Gaius wandered chatting with various friends.

Arthur glanced into the corner where he knew Merlin was hiding, despite being unable to see the servant.  Merlin would appear when his glass was empty and then vanish like the wind. With Morgana gone another few nights, Arthur knew Merlin spent the night scanning for magical issues.  That didn’t mean Arthur didn’t miss him in this crowd. Merlin was quick to offer advice and banter when alone, but add more than two other people, except friends, and he shrank into the role of terrible servant quickly enough.  Gwen could draw him out of his shell, along with her fiance. Morgana could distract him with magical gobbledygook, Gaius similarly with medicinal talk. Gwaine could, and on occasion did, tease him out, but since Gwaine was in the middle of a crowd more times than not, Arthur wasn’t sure how close the two were.  Outside these people, Merlin held onto his chosen role with all the tenacity of a new knight to prove himself.

Arthur finished his glass again.  “Another one?” Merlin’s tone bordered on disbelief as he refilled the glass.  “At this rate, I may have to carry you to bed, Sire.”

Arthur wasn’t sure he was wrong, but his relief at the banter was too great.  Gwaine could be irreverent, and Lancelot and Gwen knew him too well, but everyone had pulled away in public when the crown fell on his head.  Merlin was the only one who refused to change even a bit simply because of a birthright. That was too refreshing to give up in this crowd of people, all very very polite.

“You need the exercise anyway, Merlin.”

The man sighed as Arthur wrapped an arm around his shoulders.  “Of course I do. And you need to lose some weight.”

Arthur frowned at the weight comment, he was fit and fiddle.  Merlin moved to escape his arm. Arthur frowned at that and quickly downed the wine.  Merlin’s stare was highly entertaining.

“Okay, I think you’ve had enough, Your Majesty.”  Merlin handed his pitcher to Gaius, who had appeared at some point, though Arthur was uncertain as to when.  The room was a fuzzy anyway. He thought he saw Lancelot fall down, but that was okay, the wall caught him. He seemed to recall Gwen leaving early, something about not feeling well.  But Gwaine was still here, they’d been fine. Gwaine knew all about drinking.

Merlin guided him towards a door and the hallway was much nicer than the room.  For one thing it was darker.

“I like this hallway, Merlin.”

“Yes, it is a very nice hallway.  Come on! Up with the feet.”

Arthur helpfully lift one of his feet, but this did seem to be what Merlin was looking for.  Merlin huffed in his ear as he lifted Arthur’s other foot up the stairs. That was good.

The bedroom was a bit warm, but that was probably Arthur, not the room.  The walk outside had cleared his brain a bit. Merlin coaxed him into the room, but Arthur knew what happened next.  Merlin would pour him into bed and then he would be out and Merlin would leave. That would not do.

Although there were many ways to get Merlin to stay, Arthur could only think of one at that time.  It was a simple enough matter to turn into his companion. Merlin was that much smaller than Arthur and crashing them into the wall remained an easy task.

“Oof!  Bed’s that way, Arthur, come on!”  

Arthur ignored that and lay his head on the bony shoulder.  “I like it right here, actually.”  Merlin froze. The aftermath of the spell several months ago had left him rather protective of Arthur, but also slightly nervous.

“Arthur?”

Arthur sniffed.  His face was near Merlin’s neck.  He wondered briefly what that tasted like.  No time like the present to find out. Merlin let out a soft yelp when he tasted the sweat and herbs on the soft skin.  Skin Arthur had spent an inordinate time thinking about recently.

“Arthur!”  Merlin pushed his shoulders away and Arthur leaned back to meet his eyes.  They looked a bit frantic. “Arthur, Sire, what are you doing?”

Arthur could see the panic and confusion spread through his face.  It would be better if Arthur cleared that quickly. He leaned forward, closer, “Kissing you.”

Merlin’s soft lips were the last thing he felt before sleep beckoned.

* * *

_Once and Future King!_

Arthur heard her, but couldn’t respond.

_Your destiny cannot be changed!  You must follow your destiny!_

Arthur waded through the tall grass.  He saw many people rush past him, but the voice belonged to none of them.

_We must have the golden age!  You cannot escape your fate!_

Arthur tried to yell out, but his jaw stayed shut.

_You need her.  She is your destiny and together you will bring about the golden age!_

Arthur backed away.  Whoever, whatever this was, it was no friend.

_Be the Once and Future King, Arthur Pendragon!_

Arthur tried to move, but his legs were frozen where he stood.

_Destiny!_

Arthur opened his eyes to see his room for a moment before the world was covered in fog.  He tried to scream, but his teeth would not part.

No one saw him flinching as his frozen limbs fought the hold.

As he succumbed to the curse.

* * *

Merlin practiced being indifferent as he walked to Arthur’s chambers.  The early morning sun was just rising. He had a hangover remedy from Gaius and plenty of water for Arthur.  His king was so drunk the previous night, he’d kissed him. Then fallen asleep mid kiss. At least he wasn’t wearing armor, that would have been heavier.  Even so, it took Melrin some time to free himself enough to magically move Arthur.

He turned a corner and dodged as Mary hurried the other way.  He wondered what that was about. Mary should have woken Gwen at sunrise.  He shook it off and continued to try to convince himself Arthur not only meant nothing by what happened last night, but also wouldn’t remember it.

Opening the door as quietly as possible, he shuffled in before slamming the door to help the blonde wake up.  It was not the first time he’d had to rouse a post-drunk Arthur and he knew he needed all the help he could get.  He turned towards the window to gauge if Arthur even stirred only to almost drop his load.

Arthur was staring at him from the table.  Merlin could have fainted in shock. Even on a good day, Arthur never woke before Merlin.  “Good morning?”

Arthur showed no real reaction to Merlin’s tentative greeting.  “Arthur?”

“Enough!”  Merlin jumped.  Arthur sounded angry.  “Put the water on the table and give me the remedy!”

Merlin blinked.  He had never heard that tone directed _at_ him.  No, that was a lie.  Once, when Arthur was pushing everyone away, that was tone he used.  

“Arthur, what happened?  Are you okay?” Merlin hurried forward and set the goblet on the table.  He felt Arthur’s hand rest on his neck a moment.

“Am I okay?  You lost the right to ask me that!”  

Merlin spun away from him as he felt a chain settle around his neck.  “Arthur what-?”

He felt indescribable pain throughout his body.  As quickly as it came, the sensation halted. Pain that had forced Merlin to his knees.  He looked at Arthur as the king stepped to the table and picked up the headache remedy.

“Arthur?”  His croaked was barely heard.  Arthur tilted the goblet, scrutinizing the contents.

“I trusted you.  You took advantage of that trust.”  Merlin blinked as Arthur downed the potion followed by the water.

“What did you do?”

Arthur looked at him and Merlin swallowed.  He’d never seen such a cold look on Arthur’s face.  “Me?” Arthur knelt in front of him and grabbed his hair, pulling his face up.  “What did I do? I realized what you are!”

Merlin winced as Arthur let go, slowly forcing himself to his feet.  “Arth-”

The pain returned.  Merlin cracked his knees on the hard wood of the floor when he fell this time.

Arthur growled at him, “You are a traitor!  I was drunk!” Arthur looked at him with such disgust.  “If you think I’ll let you near me that vulnerable again, you are insane.”

Merlin reached out for his magic, a quick diagnostic, both on himself and on Arthur.  The second he did, the swooping pain returned. It left Merlin curled up on the ground, almost crying.

“Wha-what is this?”

Arthur smiled coldly.  “Tried to use your magic, didn’t you?  All this time, you’ve been enchanting me.  Well it stops now! You cannot use your magic except by my direct order.”  Arthur showed him a bracelet and Merlin looked at his chest with dread. He remembered Morgana finding them in the vault.  A way to enslave a sorcerer.

“Arth-”

“That’s Your Majesty, to you!”  Merlin eyed the rune on the bracelet before bowing his head.

“Your Majesty, please.  This is a curse. Let me-”  Merlin gritted his teeth at the pain.

“You made me kiss you!  At least others attacked Camelot directly.  You! You- you just…” Arthur broke off and turned away.  Merlin could see his hand shaking. “How can I trust you now?”  Arthur’s soft croak broke his heart.

Maybe the wine had him thinking Merlin had made the advances the previous night?  Arthur didn’t really hallucinate, but if the necklace made him feel safe, Merlin would wear it for a while.  

“Sire, I would never-”  Merlin stopped himself when Arthur shot him an angry look.  Time to change tactics, “I will wear the necklace if my king commands it.”

Arthur’s shoulders relaxed.  For Arthur, for his trust, Merlin could do this.  He’d done so many things, what was one more.

* * *

Merlin gave Arthur his space the rest of the day.  He had, in fact, done his chores without magic before.  Sure it took longer, but it gave Merlin time to think about last night.  Honestly, he thought the kiss had come out of nowhere. He remembered the feeling of Arthur’s lips on his neck, the huff of his breath on his face.  He still didn’t know what happened.

He’d been too surprised to do anything about it at the time.  It had never really crossed his mind with Arthur. Sure, Merlin had spent some time with a few people, but they were casual and Merlin had been clear from the beginning that it was nothing long term.  He was still friendly with them even though the casual sex had lost its lure.

He wasn’t sure what he should do.  He’d been prepared for everything from no memory at all to awkward blushing and attempts to avoid a talk about feeling that gave Arthur hives, but not accusation.  The blame for the interaction falling on his shoulders was not a scenario Merlin had considered.

He returned to the bedroom to place Arthur’s laundry in its proper place before fetching dinner.  Turning around, he nearly jumped out of his skin to see Arthur. He stopped, cautious of the temper he’d seen earlier.  

“Ar- Your Majesty?”  Arthur’s arched eyebrow had him changing his greeting immediately.  The king was tense.

“Are you fetching dinner?”  Merlin nodded at that question.  “Well, don’t. I’ll be dining with an adviser tonight, we have something to discuss.  I expect my bed turned down upon my return.”

Arthur turned on his heel and strode out the door.  Merlin hurried after him. Before he could grab his arm, the pain returned.  Merlin’s breath was a hiss as he knelt on the floor trying to recover. A large hiss was Arthur’s voice in his ear.

“You will not touch me again.”  Merlin swallowed as Arthur straightened.  “And I expect a bow with your greeting.”

Merlin slowly pushed himself up after Arthur had left the room.  Taking several deep breaths, he reminded himself that Arthur was his friend and he didn’t want his friend to be afraid of him.

He refused to acknowledge the tear that rolled down his cheek.

* * *

The next morning was better.  Arthur woke when Merlin opened the curtains.  His look when facing Merlin was more gentle, less angry.  Merlin served him his breakfast without complaint and helped him change for the council meeting.  Arthur sent him to work on his tack during the meeting, so Merlin didn’t see Arthur again until the evening.  Gaius was busy all day talking with Lancelot, so Merin didn’t have a chance to talk to his mentor either.

Not that he was sure what he would say.  Or what Gaius would believe. It was Arthur’s word against Merlin’s and Arthur seemed legitimately frightened of Merlin at the moment.  

The next few days continued in this vein, with Arthur thawing slowly as Merlin continued to serve him in silence and with reverence he didn’t even know he’d learned.  Gaius was busy talking with Lancelot, who apparently didn’t remember much of the day of the party. Merlin had fled before Gaius could ask his magical opinion. Even the smallest magical act caused the necklace to flare, bringing with it the excruciating pain from before.

Gwen had taken to talking to Arthur late most nights.  Merlin assumed about Lancelot. He waited for Arthur to request his help, but it didn’t happen.  Instead Merlin’s chores reduced to the more simple and least visible chores. He wondered if maybe Arthur’s kiss had continued into his dream and that was the betrayal Arthur was thinking of?  Not that he knew how to prove that either.

Occasionally he’d leave something undone, unused to completing the tasks without his magic.  Each time this happened, Arthur would accuse him of being passive aggressive. Of trying to control him again.  Merlin learned that the longer he tried to convince Arthur he wasn’t the more likely Arthur was simply turn on the necklace for a moment and then leave until Merlin vacated the rooms.

Then Morgana returned.

* * *

Actually Merlin didn’t know Morgana returned a day early.  He was prepping the room for the night when Morgana met with Lancelot, Percival and Gwaine in Gaius’s chambers.  

“I have been riding since sun up, can I at lest take a bath?”  Morgana’s irritated question was met with disturbed looks and she sobered immediately.  “Explain.”

Lancelot looked at her.  His eyes were bloodshot and beard unkept.  Morgana had never seen the knight look so ragged.  “Gwenie- Gwen broke off our engagement.”

Morgana blinked at him.  “She broke off your engagement?”  Her slow words brought a nod from everyone.  Gwaine spoke up. Next.

“She said they had an argument during that party a week back.  It was not good. No resolution, she said.” Morgana blinked at him in confusion.  Those were Gwen’s words, but…

“What in the name of the Mother Goddess did you argue about?”

“I don’t know.”  Lancelot’s voice was miserable.  They could hear him swallow the dry sob.  “I don’t remember that whole day.” Gaius placed a hand on Lancelot’s shoulder as the knight folded in on himself.

Gwaine approached Morgana, “the thing is, I do remember that day.  Gwen was fine with Lance. She left the party early when the wine didn’t agree with her, but she wasn’t angry or upset.  And she certainly wasn’t crazy.”

“Crazy?”  Morgana’s disbelief echoed through her voice.  

Gwaine simply nodded.  “She’s been talking about marrying Arthur.”

Morgana scoffed.  Sure they were good friends, and maybe could have been something once, before Lancelot.  Beside her idiotic brother was sword over shield for a certain warlock. Gwaine’s next words stopped her in her tracks.

“Arthur’s been talking about accepting.”

“WHAT?!?”  Morgana’s screech had them all wincing. But this was ridiculous.  She left for a week and the whole castle loses its mind. She turned to Gaius.

He nodded.  “Both have been discussing the legality of it the last few days with council and Geoffrey.  I’ve tried to talk to Merlin, but he’s being strangely hard to pin down long enough to speak with.”  Gaius frowned in concern.

He was right, that was a concern.  A threat to Arthur should have made the warlock come running.  In fact, Merlin should have been raising hell about the change in behavior.  She looked at Gaius. Her skill with spell detection had come along well with the druids, it was time to test it.

“Call the two.”

Gaius eyed her a moment before she abruptly remembered that this was the man who taught her and Arthur as children and appended a “Please” on the end of her statement.  While waiting for the runner for Gwen and Arthur, Gaius coaxed Lancelot and Percival into Merlin’s room temporarily. All seeing Lancelot would do was irritate Gwen right now.

“Morgana, you’ve returned?”  Morgana turned to see her brother walk in hand in hand with Gwen.  Well, that was a look! She came forward to give the blonde a hug, discreetly casting a few recognition spells, in case of an imposter, and magical detection spell.

The detection spell came up all sorts of alarms.  Arthur and Gwen jumped. Gwaine probably did as well but he was behind her.  

“Morgana, what…?”

“A spell brother, nothing more.  You’ve been cursed.” Morgana studied what she could feel.  It was an odd spell. Not well laid, but she couldn’t grasp its true purpose.  For the moment, she would lift it. Perhaps Merlin could look at them later.

“ _Fordrifan_ ”(banish)  

Next time she would remember to have her targets seated or laying down before releasing them from a spell.  Merlin had warned her about that repeatedly. Gaius managed to grab Gwen before she crumpled, but Arthur and Gwaine ended up on the floor.  

“Lance!”  Gwen gasped.

She looked up at Morgana before bursting into tears.  Morgana quickly engulfed her friend in a hug and rocked her.  Behind her, she heard a door open.

“Gwen?”  Lancelot’s weak voice questioned.  Gwen looked at him and sobbed outright.  Lancelot was quick to go to her when she reached his way.  He held her gently as she broke down again. Behind Lancelot, Morgana heard Arthur jerk away from Gwaine in time to expel what must have been his breakfast.

Gaius felt his head, quietly asking him questions about his health.  He shook his head to indicate he wasn’t feeling ill and Gwen didn’t seem nauseous, but Arthur was still looking very pale.  Morgana reached for him when he met her gaze. Then he bolted.

* * *

_“Arthur?”_

He’d put the damn thing on a person!

_“Sire, please”_

He’d actually used it to torture someone.

_“Your Majesty”_

He’d put it on _Merlin_.

Arthur swayed, willing his stomach to stay put before continuing towards his room.  Merlin should still be there, he had to remove that necklace.

He slammed the door open to see Merlin polishing his chestplate.  By hand, Merlin was doing it by hand because he couldn’t use magic without the bracelet on Arthur’s wrist.  Merlin’s head jerked up at his entrance and he slipped to his knees in a bow.

“Y-your Majesty, I didn’t expect you back so soon!  I-I-I’m almost done.” Merlin was trembling and Arthur remembered activating the necklace.  At first he activated it for actual offenses, but Arthur could see a clear trend towards activating it for little things, until Merlin was this trembling slave in front of him.

Arthur gasped, trying to lock his knees and not fall.  Merlin looked up briefly before averting his eyes. He twitched as if to rise and come to Arthur’s aid and Arthur knew that before this week nothing would have kept Merlin away.  Arthur knew it like he knew the length of his sword or the weight of his armor. But Arthur had succeeded where no one else had.

Merlin was cowed.  

Kings and diplomats had tried to cow the man, but Merlin had done bare minimum required to help Arthur and no more.  Even Arthur had tried to talk him into proper behavior on occasion, to no avail. But this, playing on Merlin’s love for his king, his chosen ruler, that could control Merlin.

Arthur could.

It made him sick.

Arthur forced his legs to hold him as he took a step towards his best friend.  Each step, he saw Merlin twitch as if to help him before stopping himself. Arthur fell to his knees in front of Merlin.

“Merlin…”  He wasn’t sure it was aloud, but Merlin looked up at him.  Arthur could see a thin line of hope in his terrified gaze.  Arthur knelt in front of the servant. Merlin seemed to take some courage from this since he leaned forward.

“Sire!  Please, let me explain, I mean, I think I can explain!  Please-” Merlin cut himself off, biting his lip. Arthur hated that.  He reached out. Merlin flinched away from the hand, but Arthur had to do this.  He had to remove the necklace. Merlin’s shoulders tensed up even more as he touched the necklace.  His shoulders were so tense, Arthur was afraid he’d snap.

Then the necklace fell off.  It clunked heavily on the floor and Merlin stared at it.  Arthur didn’t though. Instead Arthur grabbed Merlin and pulled him into a hug.  He was probably hurting the bony shoulders, but what he had done. He wanted to erase it, all of it.  Erase Merlin’s fear, his obedience, his humiliation, just all of it.

“I’m sorry.  I am so-” Arthur couldn’t.  What he had done to his friend made his skin crawl.  Instead he buried his face in the skinny neck. If possible, Merlin tensed up further.

“S-s-sire?”  Arthur cursed inwardly.  This was how this started from Merlin’s perspective.  And it felt too much like forcing the man. This was why he had always been careful of who he was with at night before inheriting the throne.  He felt sick on time when a woman once told him she couldn’t tell him no because his father would have exiled her. Arthur had given her gold and thrown up for the next hour.  He’d been too ashamed to tell Morgana. Thank everything Merlin hadn’t been there yet.

Arthur backed up.  “Sorry! I- Merlin-”  Arthur didn’t get to finish his apology, however it was going to turn out, because he felt a familiar fog roll in.  He shoved Merlin away before his body clenched up.

“Arthur!”

_You MUST fulfill your destiny._

Arthur tried to pry his jaw open.  He tried to reach out to Merlin. The fog was too thick and his body to tense.

“Arthur, what is it?!?”

_Arthur Pendragon, you must fulfill your destiny!_

Arthur felt warm light surround him.  The fog slowly retreated and he was staring into Merlin’s flashing eyes.  He grabbed the light in those golden eyes and yanked himself forward.

_“Liesan wealsáda freodom min Arthur_ ”

Arthur felt his arms twitch as two forces fought over him.

_No!  You will marry Guinevere!  You will become King Arthur!_

Arthur groaned as his hands slipped her control for Merlin’s sweet siren's song.

_I will not marry Gwen!_  Arthur saw Merlin.  Merlin was fighting to get him back, to protect him despite how he’d treated the man.  His best friend, he’d tortured him. Merlin still believed in him.

_**I** am King! _  Arthur surged up locking lips with Merlin.  A rush of magic flooded his body and he felt Merlin’s lips move against his.

_Arthur!_  Only Merlin said his name like that.  Arthur felt the paralyzing force shatter and he immediately wrapped his arms around Merlin, releasing his lips to breath.  His chest ached as he drove to inhale enough air. He rested his head against Merlin’s shoulder.

“ _Merlin_ ”  Merlin’s arms tightened around him.  Arthur looks up at him before closing his eyes.  He let Merlin hold him as he surrendered to the headache forming.

* * *

Arthur wasn’t out long, since he was still on the floor when he awoke.  “Arthur! Arthur!” Merlin’s voice always was nice to hear fresh from sleep.  Even with his head pounding.

“God, Merlin!”  Arthur rolled over and Merlin grabbed his shoulders. Arthur looked up to see his best friend searching his gaze.

“What happened?”

Arthur groaned.  “Not so loud!” He curled up, holding his head, but he still saw his friend wince.  That made his throat drop into his stomach. “Merlin…”

Merlin shifted back, but Arthur caught him.  He suppressed the headache to kneel in front of his best friend.  “Merlin, look, we have a lot to do, I need to check on the others and this spell may have been recast on Gwen too.  So this is really not the time to do this.” Merlin was regarding him with unbridled concern. Arthur leaned forward.

“I want you.”  Merlin’s eyes widened.  “I want you to smile in the morning and to joke in the evening.  I want you to stand safely at my side, using your magic and your stupid comments to keep this job from turning my head.  I want to hold you like I did that night and share this with you and all the other things that make me sound like such a girl.”  Arthur looked Merlin in the eye. “I want to kiss you and I want you to want to kiss me too.”

Merlin swallowed so hard his throat clicked.  Arthur held his gaze as his gloved hand brushed Merlin’s cheek, waiting.  

The first brush of lips was so faint, Arthur wouldn’t have known its presence but for the sight of Merlin closing his eyes.  

“Yo-you know you don’t have to seduce me just to get my magic to work for you” and cue he babble “because I was doing that anyway.  And besides I am the-”

Arthur knew from experience there were very few ways to shut Merlin up when he got going.  Turned out that a heartfelt snogging was one of them.

Merlin’s thin lips kept trying to talk as Arthur coaxed them into embrace.  He pulled the slight form against himself, wrapping his arms around the bony shoulders.  Long thin fingers massaged his face as both paused briefly for a breath. Arthur leaned forward, rolling over his smaller love.  He felt Merlin’s response on his thigh and paused in his assault on the lips to meet his eyes and move his leg against the erection.  

Merlin gasped, his eyes briefly flashing gold.  Arthur wondered if Merlin had ever lost control of his magic.  He wondered how much fun it would be to find out.

“Merlin.”

“Sire.”

That threw cold water on Arthur.  Arthur halted and backed up a breath until Merlin looked at him and whined slightly.

“Merlin, I am sorry about this week.  I-I don’t-I mean.” Arthur took a breath before looking at Merlin.  His friend seemed to be patiently waiting for something. “Please call me Arthur again.”

Merlin’s eyes widened.  He lifted a shaky hand to Arthur’s cheek.  Arthur closed his eyes as it connected. He could feel the thin fingers and vowed he’d never make that hand fear him again.  

“Arthur?”

He looked at Merlin and smiled.  He leaned forward and took his lips in an impassioned kiss.  “Much better.”

Reluctantly, Arthur restrained himself from losing himself in the kiss this time.

“Merlin, we have things *kiss* we need *gasp* to do.”  

Merlin nosed his neck a moment before sighing and nodding.

“Starting with what is going on!”  Merlin’s look raged with concern and fear.  Arthur sat up, bringing the servant off the floor.  

“Lets find out.”

* * *

They found Morgana still in Gaius’s room.  She had protected Gwen when the curse started again, but apparently when Merlin drove the sorceress out of Arthur, she'd left Gwen as well.  Arthur let Merlin delve into magical speak with Morgana about the spell and what she knew.

Arthur organized a search party for when the two had a target and spoke softly with Lancelot and Gwen.  They discussed Gwen’s marriage and to whom, which thankfully reverted to Lancelot quickly enough. Arthur also helped Gwen explain what the last week had felt like to Lancelot.  

Once he was done with that, he pulled Gaius aside.  He could tell Gaius was interested in the talk between Merlin and Morgana, but he wanted to make sure someone knew about Merlin’s week.  He pushed past the guilt that flushed his cheeks and the nausea that threatened to return to discreetly hand Gaius the necklace and bracelet and let him know what happened.  Gaius had glanced at his ward sharply before nodding and swearing to look into the side effects of the items.

Morgana eventually came up with a charm that traced the magic back to the sorceress.  The little light bounced along cheerfully as his knights jogged after it. Arthur had to bite his tongue, they looked pretty silly actually.  Especially when they burst into the home to find the woman dead. Merlin had overwhelmed her, Morgana said the magical backlash had likely been too much.

Arthur had left Merlin to look around the home while he returned to the palace as the sun peeked over the horizon.  He had a full day of undoing the previous weeks work. The council had to be appeased and then tolerated as they told him repeatedly that he wasn’t to marry a peasant.  Arthur snorted under his glove. He wanted to name Merlin his consort so they weren’t getting that request. Then Morgana had to come in as her position as Court Sorcerer and cast protection against such a spell within the castle.  

She also reported that Merlin had found the diary of the woman, Sabia.  She had been a druid who lost her entire group to Camelot a decade earlier.  She’d been raised on the prophecies of Emrys and Albion. One such prophecy stated Gwen would be Queen.  Her son had died the previous winter, taken ill in the cold, and she had slowly lost what little sanity she seemed to retain.

Throughout all this it was well after sunset when Arthur fell into bed.  

Naturally Merlin woke Arthur out of a particularly wonderful dream involving Merlin and moss and a distinct lack of clothes, but the manservant insisted Arthur not sleep in his clothes.  It took Arthur blinking a few times to realize that Merlin was being serious and not propositioning him. Of course, by this point, Merlin had his shirt already off and tried to pull a night shirt over Arthur’s head.  Arthur pulled his arms out of the sleeves Merlin threaded them through and stuck them out from under the shirt's hem.

“I have a better idea.”  

Merlin froze as Arthur placed his hands on Merlin’s waist.  Then he waited. His head was still hiding in the nightshirt.  Arthur felt less pressure on Merlin without his gaze meeting the man’s.  Slowly, Merlin shifted the nightshirt so the neck displayed Arthur’s gaze and nothing more.

“Ar-Arthur?”

Arthur blinked slowly, but waited.  Merlin licked his lips. He then grasped the hem of the shirt and lifted it high enough to see Arthur’s chest.  Arthur saw the firelight reflect in Merlin’s eyes and wondered when such a thought would actually occur to him.  Merlin leaned down and, still holding Arthur’s gaze, brushed his lips against Arthur’s.

Arthur’s breath caught.  Merlin’s touch, much like his face, conveyed a wealth of uncertainty and desire.  The bare caress of his lips registered as the faintest of signals. Merlin leaned closer ad joined Arthur under the nightshirt.  His thin fingers tilted the blonde head up and this kiss contained the passion of the slight man.

Arthur slid his hands up under the back of Merlin’s shirt, gliding over the lean muscle.  The rib cage heaved like bellows as Merlin gave more and more to Arthur. The massage of their lips, the teasing of their tongue weaved together into a dance of the push and pull they’d partaken in since the moment they met.  Even from that first word.

_I’d never have a friend who could be such an ass._

_Nor I one who could be so stupid_

Arthur lifted Merlin’s shirt, both still under the nightshirt.  It felt like their own world. Merlin barely parted long enough to release the shirt, before latching on to the royal lips again.  Arthur’s attention failed to remain so loyal, his lips moved to the collarbone.

“ _Arthur, please!_ ”  Merlin’s breathed the words into the nightshirt’s cotton cloth.  Fingers scraped the golden hair as Arthur felt just how much he was effecting Merlin brush his clothed leg.  The ties on Merlin’s pants were complicated, but Merlin’s hands opened them with ease. Arthur twisted them as he leaned back on his bed.  The exhaustion from before had disappeared in the night as swiftly as if on dragon’s wings.

Merlin’s clever hands moved to Arthur’s ties and Arthur sucked on Merlin’s slender stomach in thanks.  His own manhood felt the cold night air for but a moment before Merlin crested against him, trapping both their manhoods against each other.  Arthur took the opportunity to place a hand under Merlin’s hips. The man was light enough and Arthur strong enough to lift the slender hips off the bed under them.  

Held in air, Merlin had little control as Arthur shifted his hips against his fondest dream.  Merlin gasped his name like a benediction. Arthur could barely see by candlelight under the nightshirt, but Merlin’s eyes gazed into his and he thought the candlelight reflected beautifully.

Then he realized it wasn’t the candlelight at all.  The gold in Merlin’s eyes were of his own making. Arthur felt the hands on his arms spasm as Merlin’s eyes stayed locked with his.  He could feel the trembling take over Merlin’s strong back and he brought his head up to connect them at the nose. The link between their eyes drew his breath away and he felt a familiar start to his climax.  Familiar and at the same time wholly new. This wasn’t just some pleasure he was chasing now. Not at the touch of his own hand or a blank face in the dark. This feeling, this existence encompassed Merlin. Shards of fire flew throughout his body and he gasped as he felt them both grow harder.  Merlin’s eyes swirled and Arthur felt it wash over him, more powerful and terrible than ever before. The sheer depth of the world whistled in his ears and for a moment he felt every living thing breath, as if in relief.

Through it all, neither Merlin, nor Arthur broke eye contact.  Merlin’s eyes swirled brighter than any spell Arthur had seen his friend do.  But together they stayed.

Apparently it was enough to even blow out the candles, because Arthur regained his breath in complete darkness until Merlin called a blue sphere.  It hovered in the nightshirt with them and Arthur stared at Merlin. He saw some of the previous uncertainty creep back, but he bopped Merlin on the nose with his own first.  

The low chuckle eased any discomfort and Arthur braced himself over Merlin on his elbows.  

“I know that light.”

Merlin blinked at him in confusion so Arthur nodded at the orb that floated above them.  Merlin smiled softly.

“I was dying, but I didn’t want you to be in danger.  Gaius said it was likely subconscious.” Merlin ran his hands up Arthur’s chest luxuriously.

Arthur stared at him in amazement.  Then he sighed. At Merlin’s questioning look he let out a soft chuckle.  “First you drank poison for me, then you save me when I’m meant to save you.”  Arthur drew closer to Merlin as the warlock stretched his hands above his head.

“You have no idea how this repaying debt thing works, do you?”  Arthur nuzzled the prone Warlock on the face and both chuckled.  Merlin squirmed until Arthur let him settle by his side a bit and remove their pants and smalls from their ankles.  Once that was complete, Arthur drew Merlin back under the nightshirt and kissed his neck fondly. Merlin gasped and pulled him closer.

“You’ve been my everything a long time Arthur.”   The whisper spoken directly into Arthur’s ear made his heart soar.  Without the previous activities another part of him would have perked in interest, but as it was, his chest nearly burst with the weight of what he obviously mean to this man.

“And you, mine.  For a long time.”  Arthur pressed his whole body against his lover’s, surrounding him as only he would.

Merlin chuckled and Arthur huffed as the man fidgeted.  “Stay.”

Merlin froze ad looked at his king, his lover.  Arthur was asking for the night, but at the same time he wasn’t. Some how both could feel he wasn’t.

“Forever.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It looks like there will be another 2 maybe 3 chapters of Arthur and Merlin before Arthur dies. Then we rejoin Steve in the 21st century :) 
> 
> *This is not a spoiler because you guys knew Arthur was going to die in order to be reborn at Steve XP


	8. Surrender to Fate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something is off with Arthur. Merlin isn't sure what, but he won't let whatever it is worry his lover for long. Even if the idiot gets himself killed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please please please tell me what you think of their relationship. I'm building it in the ashes of my own and so I don't want to go off the deep end or something.

Something was wrong.  Merlin wasn’t sure what, but something felt off.  For nearly two months, life in Camelot had been good.  Great, almost paradise for the royal court. Minor skirmishes hadn’t dealt a great loss this season and the harvest remained hearty.  

For nearly two months, since that night, Merlin had floated on clouds.  Sometimes quite literally. He and Arthur spent the day side by side and the night cuddled for warmth, both of the body and of the soul.  Merlin pledged himself to his king, over and over. He pledged himself to his lover, his purpose with every breath. Arthur answered with a gaze more content and certain than Merlin had ever seen in the blue eyes.

With Morgana’s assistance and Geoffrey’s literary resources, Arthur had successfully named Merlin the Royal Consort.  In fact, many believed the only reason Merlin wasn’t Court Sorcerer was because Arthur wished this title for him instead. He and Morgana could not seem to squash that particular rumor despite its falsehood.  Still, Merlin helped Morgana enough that the court was comfortable giving him much of the respect due the position and it made his life easier in many ways.

Merlin felt a smile stretch across his face as he watched Arthur correct a stance on one of his newest knights.  Mordred had been a surprise. Pleasant or not, Merlin had watched Morgana welcome the teen the child had become. He could remember that this boy was destined to be the end of Arthur, but Morgana’s destiny had yet to come to pass and Kilgharra rarely visited to reinforce his prophecies.  Merlin let himself dream of this peace.

He had time to do so on such an occasion these days.  Gaius had found a new assistant, someone with a chance of actually taking over his position as court physician, since Merlin’s focus was elsewhere these days.  Kara was a delight and Gaius enjoyed teaching the young teen. She had come to Camelot with Mordred and the two were almost as sickening sweet as Merlin and Arthur, to borrow Gwaine’s common complaint.  They still had nothing on Lancelot and Gwen. The scare two months ago had only made them more attached and the wedding last month had lasted throughout the night. Arthur and Merlin had celebrated much of the night as well.

Merlin had enjoyed learning Arthur and vice versa.  Arthur claimed that when they were together, Merlin’s magic was a part of him.  Merlin uncertainty to that meaning or activity apparently failed to decrease Arthur’s complete wonderment at the sensation.  

And Merlin never tired of hearing such positive praise for a piece of his soul that until now had been a shameful secret, albeit more useful than in his youth.  Arthur loved him. And Merlin had magic so Arthur loved magic. Arthur had explained it that simply. This had of course, resulted in Merlin launching himself at the monarch and both being late for council chambers.

Which only drove home the feeling now that something was wrong.

* * *

Arthur rode ahead of Merlin as they searched out the rumors of a beast terrorizing this area of the mountainous forest.  Merlin had pushed for them to go. Not only to save lives should this beast turn magical, but to give Arthur some fresh air.  Nearly two days ago Arthur had gone from playful and thoroughly happy to something between anticipation and terrified fright. The change startled even Mordred, who’d only been at court six weeks.  Merlin remembered that Gwen had requested a private word and that had been the turning point. Gwen had been acting off as well. Outside of Lancelot, she was very irritable and either snapped at every little thing or nearly burst into tears.  Merlin had tried asking her what was wrong but she’d stared at him a moment before breaking down and sobbing out apologies. The scene was so loud it drew a crowd until Morgana heard of it was scattered them with a few well placed barbs. 

Merlin had handed his friend over to the Lady with concerned gentleness.  He’d also gone to fetch Lancelot. The man had sighed softly and thanked him.  When Merlin tried to request further information he received a soft but firm denial.  It was Gwen’s news. Merlin couldn’t figure out what it could be.

If they were leaving Camelot, it would be Lancelot’s news also.  He’d asked Gaius if Gwen had spoken to him, maybe she’d discovered an illness, but Gaius denied any knowledge of what was troubling the woman.  Kara, when asked, demurred that it wasn’t her place to repeat rumor and refused any further comment.

Asking Arthur had gotten him nowhere.  In fact, the conversation increased Merlin’s confusion and unease.  Initially Arthur had told Merlin to mind his own business, almost irrational in his frustration with the news, but then, mid word, he’d met Merlin’s eyes and something had seemed to crumble in his visage.  Much like Gwen, he’d headed for despair alarmingly fast, clinging to Merlin desperately. Nothing for it, but to whisper reassurance and love in his ear as he practically dug his fingers into Merlin’s shoulders in the embrace.

That night and last night, Arthur had been like this, but both days he’d driven himself to distraction until Morgana and Merlin had sent him to train in exasperation.  The two of them could handle matters of court for a few days, Arthur was worse than useless in this state.

Now they were in the forest on some mountain hunting a vague rumor of a best, and hopefully meat for a fest upon their return.

Merlin dismounted as they made camp.  The group consisted of their closest Knights; Gwaine, Percival and Leon being just as worried about Arthur as Morgana.  Mordred had volunteered to come along with Olsen to allow Lancelot and Elyan to stay with Gwen. With this group, Merlin automatically fell into the role of a servant, Mordred being the only Knight not familiar with this behavior.

Arthur set up his bedroll further off to one side and Merlin had left him to it, setting his own bedroll aside to set up after dinner.  It mattered little, since once they were done eating, Merlin found his bedroll set up next to Arthur’s. Merlin crawled into it as Arthur took first watch.  Third watch still hadn’t seen Arthur come to bed and Merlin rose and brought a blanket over.

“You know, sleeping works better prone, Arthur.”  Merlin didn’t receive a response, but he wasn’t surprised.  “What can I do, Arthur? What do you need?”

Arthur looked up at him as he draped himself and the blanket of Arthur’s shoulders.  A soft cry broke free of Arthur’s lips and he leaned into Merlin.

“Love me.  Don’t- Don’t leave me.”  

Merlin wrapped his arms more firmly around Arthur.

“Never.”

* * *

The night silence broke by Gwaine on guard as something reached out of the dark trees and grabbed Olsen by the ankle.  Arthur instinctively rolled up with Escaliber already hell to bare. Merlin reached Olsen before he vanished and lashed the claw.  Arthur followed automatically as he heard the other knights grab Olsen by the shoulders and pull him back. Too late, Arthur realized he was chasing Merlin and the creature into a cave.

A small part of his brain was resigned to note the rumble behind as likely closing the entrance to the cave.  A roar drew his attention just as he caught up to Merlin, kneeling on the ground. The light of the fire didn’t completely register before he knelt before Merlin with his shield covering them.  The fire burst around them and Arthur felt his shield heat up unbearably. He thought he made a sound, but he wouldn’t have heard it over the roar of magical flames.

Thin hands pressed next to his arm on the shield and Arthur felt the scorching meal ease slightly.  A pulse from the shield and Arthur felt the pressure on his arm ease significantly. He looked at Merlin to see sweat pouring over his brow, eyes still gold from the magic.  For a moment Arthur thought they’d beaten the dragon’s breath.

Then the beast gave a final shove of fire and Arthur, along with Merlin, was shoved away.  Arthur knew he plowed through a wall of rocks before the world went dark.

* * *

Merlin groaned as he struggled back to consciousness.  He hadn’t expected a dragon and he hadn’t gotten his breath fast enough to issue a command.  He’s almost been roasted like a turkey, but Arthur appeared as if by magic all his own. His shield wasn’t designed for dragon’s fire, but Merlin could help a little.  He had spread his magic across the shield and used the dragon’s fire to harden the metal further. It wasn't perfect and Merlin had made a note to give Arthur a better shield.

The blast had taken them both by surprise and they tumbled through two walls into this cavern.  Merlin remembered that much before he went dark.

He looked around.  Arthur was only an arm length away.  He was bleeding sluggishly from under the armor.  Merlin scrambled over, ignoring his climbing headache.  

“Arthur!”

A small murmur answered him.  Merlin looked around and the size of the pool of blood frightened him.  He cradled Arthur’s head and placed a hand gently on his chest to feel for breath.  The stillness there had him throwing his magic into the still form. What he found there soaked him in panicky despair.  

Arthur’s life force was dying.

“No!  Arthur, you have to keep going!”  Merlin took a deep breath and reached for his magic.  “ _ Gestrician _ ”  

Merlin felt the skin try to obey and move back together, but to no avail.  Arthur was too weak. 

“Dreor Greedcennan”

Merlin felt desperation fill him as the spell didn’t take. His magic was flowing over Arthur and the man was becoming inert to magic.

The magic of life was leaving.

Merlin shoved his magic into Arthur’s chest dangerously, “ Gehælan!  Ambyhtsecg healf!”

Arthur glowed briefly, but Merlin felt nothing as the last of his life winked out.  “Cwæ.”

The whimper barely registered.  There was no one to register it.

He was alone.  Arthur was gone.  Merlin felt the universe sneer at him.  The greatest king with the greatest warlock died from hitting a rock.  Merlin looked at his king through angry tears.

No.

All those years of silence.

No!

Prodding him into the best person he could be and watching him become one all on his own.

NO.

Laying in bed watching him smile.  Knowing Merlin had put that smile there.

NO!

“ _ Merlin” _

“Father?” Merlin turned as the flash of light died down.  The ghostly presence smiled at him and knelt next to Arthur.  It seemed to exude the same feeling of confident knowledge that his father had in life.

“ _ My son.” _

“Are you here? Are you real?”  Merlin hoped he wasn’t imagining this.  Balinor’s smile was both proud and comforting.

“ _ Dead or alive? Real or imagined? Past or present? These things are of no consequence. All that matters is that you heed the words of your father who loves you. Do not let go, Merlin, do not give in _ .”  Balinor’s words, like his words so long ago were teaching, gentle and firm.  Wisdom of years of experience and generations of knowledge sat upon his shoulders as if a cloak of nobility.

“I have no reason to go on. The battle is already over. Arthur is gone.”

“ _ Only if you accept defeat. But if you fight, if you let hope into your heart, you can be victorious _ .”

“What hope is there without Arthur? Without my love?”  Balinor reached out. Merlin couldn’t actually feel the hand on his shoulder, but he knew it was there.  Somehow that was enough. 

“ _ Merlin, you are more than a son of your father. You are son of the earth, the sea, the sky, magic is the fabric of this world, and you were born of that magic. Y ou are magic itself.  _ _Arthur is more than the son of a king.  He is his people, the laughter, the fear, he binds all magic to this world.  He was born for you and you were born for him.  You cannot lose what you are_.”

“But how do I find myself?  How do I undo this?” Merlin looked down and watched as his own tears made trails on Arthur’s still face.

“ _ Believe, Merlin. Believe what your heart knows to be true. That you have always been, and always will be _ .”

Merlin whispered, “Always will be.”  He looked up at his father.

Merlin felt himself expand into every corner of the cave.  He was the crystal that surround him. He was the blood, still in Arthur’s body.  He was the heart. 

He was the spark of life.

For a moment Merlin was everything.  Everything that was, everything that is, everything that will be.  For a moment the universe encroached on his feet and he almost dove into it.  Became the universe.

Then he remembered Arthur.  He remembered Arthur smiling in the sunlight, but that smile disappearing.  He remembered Arthur’s jokes, but those voices silenced forever. He remembered Arthur’s hugs, a ghost of a sensation wisping away with the wind of the universe.

He remembered Arthur’s love.

He couldn’t continue without it.  

He wouldn’t!

Merlin turned his back on the universe, for one man he gave up all the knowledge at his fingertips.  

Instead he reached into the darkness and grabbed a spark of light and shoved.  He shoved it back into Arthur and forced his body to heal. 

He shoved Arthur back to life.

Arthur’s first breath sounded like the sweet song of spring after the frozen of winter.  Merlin could feel the magic of creation flowing within him. Ignoring the tears streaming down his face, he looked up at his father.

“Thank you. For your help, your guidance.”

“ _ I only offered a hand. You stand tall on your own two feet, Merlin, you always have done _ .” Balinor’s pride in his own son was unmistakable.  Merlin wished he had known this in life, but as Balinor pointed out, alive or dead, Balinor was here.

“As did you, father. I follow in your footsteps.”

“ _ Your journey has only just begun. You wield a power you yet cannot conceive of. Only in the heart of the Crystal Cave will your true self be revealed _ .”   Merlin looked around at the crystals.  The barely remembered universe was still there in a corner of his mind.  He wasn’t sure he was ready to touch it again.

“ _ Move towards the light. Your destiny awaits. Do not be afraid. Trust in what you are, trust in what will be _ .” Balinor’s words reached a place deep inside Merlin.  Merlin gripped Arthur’s hand as he reached out. The nearest crystal glowed brightly, almost beyond what he could stand.  Still he would do this with Arthur. He hesitated, with Arthur, but not with...

“Goodbye, father.”

Balinor’s smile embraced Merlin.  “ _ There are no goodbyes, Emrys, for I will always be. As you will always be _ .”

* * *

Everything hurt.  

Arthur had been hurt or overworked or ill used before, but nothing compared to this.  Everything in his body hurt. Even his fingernails hurt. He didn’t know fingernails could hurt.  But they hurt.

Arthur took a deep breath.  Ouch, that hurt too! He forced himself to take another, all the while wondering what he had done to himself.

Slowly his muscles relaxed and unlocked enough to give him some relief.  Even opening his eyes felt like he was moving sore muscles. 

He moaned softly as he pulled himself upright.   _ Okay, maybe not the best idea, ouch _ !

He looked around.  He’d never seen such a cave.  It was full of bright green crystals.  They glowed eerily. 

Arthur forgot that as soon as he lay eyes on Merlin.  The skinny man was curled in a defensive ball in a corner of the cave.  Arthur gritted his teeth as he pushed himself up. That hurt too.

He knelt in front of Merlin gingerly, giving his muscles all the respect he could muster.  He placed a hand on the bony shoulder. He really needed to start feeding Merlin more. He was hitting his twenties now, he should be filling out these shoulders.

Merlin looked up at him with glassy eyes.  Arthur felt his stomach swoop in fear. What had he missed?  “Merlin?” When the man failed to respond beyond a slow blink, Arthur swallowed and lowered his voice, “Ambrosia?”

The name was new.  Arthur had come up with it when Merlin brought him food a few weeks ago.  Merlin had joked about food for the gods of myth. When Arthur asked Gaius about it, the man talked about Ambrosia, food of the Greek gods that gave a deity its immortality or at least longevity.  But it must be freely given by a nymph. It was said that mortal man could not refuse the invite of such a sensual being, so it was rare mortal man earned such respect of a nymph. Arthur rather liked that definition, and thought in a good pet name for the idiot warlock that protected him, in effect prolonged his life.  

“Please, Ambrosia, can you talk?”  Merlin blinked at him a bit more, but the glazed look was fading.  “That’s it. Come back to me, sweet one. Don’t go somewhere I can’t follow.”

“You left.”  Merlin’s croak almost lost in the background noise of the cave, confused Arthur.

“I did?”

Merlin stared at him, the glazed eyes giving way to tears that streamed down his face.  He reached out a trembling hand to touch Arthur’s cheek. “B _ lo _ n _ di _ e?”  The wobble in the world had Arthur leaning forward immediately.  If Merlin needed proof he was here, he’d give it. “Arthur?”

Suddenly Merlin launched himself at Arthur.  Arthur felt Merlin’s rambling against his stomach, but the muffled words made little sense to him.  He simply decided to hold the man and wait. Eventually the murmurs dissolved into sobs and Merlin tried to crawl into his armor to get closer, which could not be comfortable.

“Merlin...Merlin!  I need you to focus.”  Arthur hated to interrupt Merlin, especially with the distress painting his face, but this area could not boast a great deal of safety.  “Can you do that?”

Merlin sniffed, but wiped his face and nodded.  Arthur squeezed his shoulders in reassurance, before looking around.  They’d landed in a large cave with small pockets of greenish crystal clumps.  “Do you know where we are?” 

Merlin nodded and picked up his cloak from the ground.  “I think we’re in the crystal cave of the old religion. I’m told its the birthplace of all magic in this world.”  Arthur rolled his eyes, because of course they were.  Normal quest and Merlin never went together.

Arthur picked his way around.  In various crystals, he saw images flashing, but they never remained long.  One clump in the corner drew his attention. He knelt next to the clump. Beside it was a small piece.  When Arthur reached down, he saw a woman’s face flash. 

It sat on the dirt, a loose piece waiting patiently for him to pick it up.  Merlin came over.

“I don’t think your supposed to take anything, Arthur.”  Merlin’s voice startled him. Curiosity wove among the caution in Merlin’s voice.  Then Merlin gasped and placed his hand on the crystal. As if waiting for that, the crystal split easily in two, both the size of a coin.  Merlin met Arthur’s eyes in amazement. 

Merlin stepped back, but whatever he planned to say was strangled in its infancy when his foot crunched on something.  Looking down, Arthur and Merlin knelt next to what Arthur thought looked like bird egg shells. Except the egg would have been the size of a dinner plate at least.

“What is this?”

“Its a dragon egg.”  Merlin breathed in awe.

“A what?!?”  Arthur looked around alarmed.  Now that Merlin mentioned it, what had attacked them could have been a dragon.  It would make sense. “You said you were the last Dragonlord. Only you could birth a dragon from an egg.”

Merlin frowned, examining one of the larger pieces.  “The other Dragonlords were massacred by Uther. I know he tried to get their families, but my father may not have been the only one with an escape plan.  Especially a illegitimate child. Uther’s court gave little respect to illegitimate children, but inherited magic doesn’t care. I’m illegitimate, after all.”

Arthur winced at mention of his father’s traitorous deeds.  Then again at the legitimacy reference both for the court and for his lover.  Merlin’s childhood without a recognized father had been harsh, even thought Hunith likely shielded a young Merlin from it as much as possible.

“We should leave.  We can take some of the shells with us, but I don’t want the knights entering here.  The magic is too powerful, too close.”

Arthur agreed with Merlin’s statement and helped him collect the fragments.  He caught Merlin looking his way several times, as if checking him for injuries.  Arthur sighed, he’d have to get the story out of his lover soon. For the moment, he placed a hand under Merlin’s butt and propelled him out the opening they had made earlier.  

Merlin magicked him up after the warlock.  The knights were not far, and considering they were calling both names loudly, they were incredibly easy to locate.  Arthur let Merlin explain that the beast was a dragon and he was likely gone. They rode back to Camelot arriving just as the sun breached the treeline.

* * *

One of the issues with being back in Camelot was the lack of opportunity to talk.  Arthur sighed as yet another adviser called to him. He’d really rather go to bed, if everyone wouldn’t mind.  

Plus, he needed to talk to Merlin.

Not that he wasn’t flattered that Merlin cared so much, it was just that the warlock was sticking to him like they'd been welded together.  Arthur had twice turned to walk to the next room only to practically run over Merlin, who hadn’t anticipated the change in direction quickly enough and Merlin just dropped his fourth pitcher in as many hours.  The maids tempers flared already. 

Finally he glared at his minister of finance and turned to Merlin, “Go and prepare a bath, I will be there in half candle mark.”  He waited for Merlin to cast a beseeching look and scampering off before turning his most terrifying grin on the adviser. “You have four sentences before I am leaving.  Make them count.”

Gwen had warned Morgana, who showed up to protect the hapless advisers and send Arthur to his chambers for the night.  Arthur happily left the whole mess in Morgana’s lap and headed off to find his magical lover and cajole a story out of him.

Arthur found Merlin heating the bathwater.  A soak sounded heavenly and Arthur could’t think of a better way to relax.  He threw his shirt haphazardly into the corner, followed by his trousers only for Merlin to fetch them and place them in a specific place, Arthur wasn’t really paying much attention to such things anymore.

“Come here, my Ambrosia.”

Merlin glanced at him in gratitude and knelt at his side immediately.  Arthur shook his head. “No, Ambrosia. I meant join me in here.”

It was something they had started doing.  Merlin could expand the tub magically to fit both of them and he kept the water warm so they could play as long as they wanted.  Arthur loved the feeling. Not only of being close to his lover, but the warm water felt like he was surrounded by Merlin’s magic.

Tonight was no different as Merlin shed his clothing with alacrity and carefully climbed in the already enlarged tub.  Arthur barely reached out to the man before he had an armful. Merlin gave out a shaky breath as he plastered his body against Arthur.

“Hey, now, if you didn’t want a bath, all you had to do was say so.”  Merlin gave a hiccuping breathy laugh. Not quite what Arthur had hoped for.  Arthur put aside his own revelation for the moment, “Merlin, Ambrosia, what is going on?”

He pulled Merlin back to look him in the eye.  Merlin went rather reluctantly. Slowly their eyes met and Merlin’s were glassy.  His first quiet mumble was unintelligible, but Arthur had learned patience over the years.  Finally Merlin took a deeper breath.

“You died.”

Arthur blinked at him in confusion.  “Merlin, did you fall asleep on the job again?”

Merlin laughed a hiccup.  He scrubbed his face harshly.  So much so that Arthur grabbed his wrists.

“Arthur, you died.”

“It was a dream.  Clearly, since I’m still here, you dolt.”

Merlin shook his head.  The hiccups grew in frequency, “We we-wen through the cave wa-wall.  Yo-you were bleeding. S-s-so much blood-d! I tried t-to he-heal you, but it wouldn’t close.  You kn-know I-I’m t-terrible at h-healing. I’ll get better! I-I swear!” Merlin’s frantic voice bordered on a panic attack and Arthur gave his shoulders a little shake.  Merlin sniffed before looking at him through glassy eyes, “I could f-feel it. Your-your life spark-k-k. It was going ou-out! I-I-I couldn’t save you! I-I t-tried s-s-so hard!  I just c-couldn’t save you!”

Arthur pulled Merlin close as the warlock broke down into the sobs he’d seen back in the cave.  Arthur gently rocked them both, waiting.

“The crystals were the source of all magic.”  Merlin’s whisper floated into his ear. “I saw my father.  He told me. He said I was magic. I was born of magic. He said to not let go. He said to believe and trust.  So I did.”

Merlin pulled back and looked at Arthur.  “I became magic, Arthur. I-I-I saw...everything.  B-but without you it did’t mean anything. S-so I became magic to heal you.”

Arthur now stared at Merlin in shock.  If he understood his lover correctly, Merlin became the most powerful force in the world, more so than a king or the highest of priestesses.  Just to save Arthur.

“I-I couldn’t go on, Arthur!  I didn’t want to. Not without you!”  Merlin curled back against his chest and Arthur’s arms automatically encompassed the slight form.  

The most powerful magic in the world.  Arthur felt humbled to be even holding the man let alone be the one he gave that up for.  It was too much. Arthur didn’t know how to handle it.

“Lets go to bed.”

Arthur suggestion interrupted Merlin’s cuddling.  He seemed calmer now that he’d explained what happened, gotten it all out.  Arthur knew as well as any that removing the infection from a wound and letting it air helped it heal.  

He coaxed Merlin up and both of them out of the tub.  Merlin’s eyes flashed and they were warm and dry in moments.  It wasn’t a spell Arthur had ever encountered before, usually they both enjoyed rubbing the towel over each other.  It felt like the warmth of Merlin’s magic suffused his very skin. 

Arthur snagged his night shirt on their way to bed and after coaxing Merlin into the sheets, Arthur covered them both in the nightshirt.  

Ever since that first night together, Arthur found the nightshirt a comfort.  A way to separate them from the world. It had become ritual that whenever they needed to have a serious emotional talk, it happened in the nightshirt.

Merlin lay with his head on Arthur’s chest, breathing calming considerably.  “I love you Blondie.”

Arthur smiled, but the move to the bed had brought back what he needed to confess.  His lack of response caught Merlin’s attention.

“What is it?  You’ve been off for a few days.”

Arthur should have known Merlin would pick up on it.  He knew Arthur better than even Arthur knew himself sometimes.  Arthur reached forward and kissed Merlin on the nose.

“Gwen is pregnant.”

Merlin’s face brightened.  Indeed, in other circumstances, Arthur would have been ecstatic for his friend and knight.  However, “We think it might be mine.”

Merlin blinked at him in confusion.  “Yours? When would...I mean I know Gwen would never cheat on Lancelot and I don’t believe you would cheat on me.  Though it may not really be cheating since we aren't married, but you did name me the royal consort. But I guess you can have several royal consorts, but Gwen’s married so you should really chose someone else.  And besides Lancelot would kill you if you tried t-hmmmph!”

Arthur had learned quickly, kissing was an easy way to stop a Merlin babble.  Sometimes the topic at the end of the babble held only a passing relation to the original topic and Arthur wanted to stay on topic.

“The spell, two moons ago.  When we were planning to wed?” He knew Merlin remembered.  How could he not. He also knew Merlin would remember that the manservant hadn’t been in the room when Arthur finally retired those nights.  Merlin blinked and Arthur could see him put the pieces together. “We were together most of those nights.”

Merlin frowned at him in thought.  Arthur was almost holding his breath, waiting for his lover to process this.  “That could happen. I hope Lancelot isn’t too upset at Gwen for that.”

“What about you?”

Merlin looked surprised at the question.  “What about me? I’m certainly not carrying a child.”  Arthur felt his jaw drop and Merlin chuckled lowly, “Arthur, you always needed an heir.  I knew going in that someday, you’d share your bed with a woman, if only to produce an heir.”  Merlin slid up Arthur’s body and brushed their lips together. “I was created for you. I love you, Blondie.”

Arthur felt such emotion well up in his chest.  He wrapped Merlin tightly in his arms and latched on to his lips with passionate fervor.  He’d been terrified he’d lose his lover. Gwen and Lancelot were still reconciling this and Arthur did not want the same thing in his relationship.  It hadn’t even occurred to him that Merlin would have thought ahead to this yet. After all, he hadn’t and he was the king.

An Heir.  The crown would need one.  And Gwen would be a wonderful mother.  A little blond boy with dark skin and liquid chocolate eyes.  And Merlin would help raise him.

Merlin would…

Arthur pulled Merlin close, feeling the lithe form against every muscle.  Often, Merlin was all awkward angles, but now, Arthur fit his solid frame around the spindly legs and heaving rib cage.  He gripped Merlin’s hair tightly and pulled his head back, giving Arthur unobstructed access to his neck.

Arthur flicked his tongue over the hard throat that undulated as his lover swallowed.  Latching onto a bit of flesh with his lips, he flicked his tongue over the area rapidly, listening to Merlin’s moans as they increased in desperation.  Merlin squirmed under him, but Arthur would never let him get away. He never truly wanted to.

Releasing his neck, Arthur reached under the pale hip to scoop a small round cheek in his hand.  He dug his finger’s into the crack, searching for that opening as he latched his lips on a spot just above Merlin’s collarbone.  The thin legs wriggled frantically, trying to both shove back towards Arthur’s fingers and forward, rubbing his manhood against Arthur’s thigh.  

Merlin always went sub-vocal almost immediately, with few words that made sense once Arthur decided to play with his neck.  Arthur released another beautifully created love bite to look up into his luminous eyes under full lashes. Merlin’s eyes captivated his imagination and sent his fantasies careening down a waterfall of energy.  Sparks of gold dashed through the blues and greens that almost glowed in the soft candlelight.

Arthur smirked at him as he finally let Merlin force his finger to breach the ring of muscle.  A moaning squeal hissed out of the warlock’s throat and Arthur’s own manhood jumped at the abandon by a person whose every instinct was always under tight control.  Thin fingers migrated from grasping frantically at the sheets to massaging at Arthur’s back. Merlin would raise his legs, his ankles to hook Arthur, to pull the king closer, only to relinquish the strength, the coordination halfway through his goal, lost in the swirls of pleasure by a man unused to surrendering to such physical demands.

Arthur pressed his finger tighter into Merlin’s pliant body, lifting the form against him with his palm on the hip.  This put the warlock at the perfect angle and position where his rutting both rubbed and impaled. Arthur covered his mouth, fully aware that Merlin couldn't coordinate his breathing through his nose in this state.  The struggle of his rib cage for air, the flutter of his heart, like a bird against his breast, these drove Merlin’s passions higher, and Arthur worshiped that control, that dominance, that trust.

Merlin’s eyes glowed almost constantly as Arthur felt his own journey approach the precipice.  If Merlin said anything, it usually happened at this point. Indeed, little begging murmurs escaped the pale lips.  Asking for mercy, pleading for more, surrendering to anything offered. 

The magic sparkled on his skin.  Merlin had flashed his innate magic across them both before, but this was different.  It was as if it was becoming a part of Arthur now. Arthur felt it deeper than his skin, deeper than even his muscle.  It penetrated to his very soul. 

He looked Merlin in the eyes, “ _My_ _Ambrosia_.”

Merlin held his gaze as the rest of his body surrendered to the rising tide and both magic and physical energy swept through them.  It was the most intimate Arthur had ever been, the most exposed. To hold Merlin’s gaze as both of them let go of everything, every mask, every control, every face they used, until only their true self was left.

He was still gazing into Merlin’s golden eyes when the warlock answered him, “ _P_ _ u hield _ ”

* * *

As they lay, sweat cooling on their bodies, Arthur smiled up at the man on his chest.  He’d ripped the nightshirt off them in an attempt to not suffocate on their own heat.  “Can you tell?”

“Hmmm?”  Merlin’s ticklish finger-drawing on his chest halted at the question.

“If the child is mine.  I know that is no real way for Gaius to tell, but could you?”

Merlin closed his eyes a moment.  Arthur wasn’t sure what he was looking for before he opened them again.  “Maybe.” Merlin shuffled so they were looking at each other again. “You have a magical core due to the circumstance of your birth.  Lancelot doesn’t. Neither does Gwen beyond her spark to give a child life. If the child inherited some of that, I should be able to tell. I don’t know if there is another spell, but it would make sense that there be something.  After all certain magics are passed parent to child. I”ll ask the druids when they visit next week.”

Arthur swallows and nods.  He waits as Merlin settles back against him.  There is one more question he dearly wants to ask, but he can’t think of how.

“Merlin…”

“I will love them.”

Arthur froze.  

“I love you.  I will love them.  They will simply have four parents instead of two, because I will love them and Lancelot will love them.  They will never be alone.”

Arthur felt his heart near burst.  He pulled the warlock closer.

“Thank you.”

“Of course, silly prat.”

Arthur shook his head and fell asleep with a smile on his face.

_ Thank you My Ambrosia _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I"m gonna skip the next week on updating something. I"m trying to convince my advisor my Thesis is done. Its taking all my braincells and a few I didn't think I had. 
> 
> I think the next chapter finishes Arthur and Merlin's Journey together.
> 
> BTW most of Balinor's speech is from the episode with the crystal caves


	9. The Once and Future King

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Camelot prospers under the guidance of Merlin and Arthur. Some are allies and some are jealous. Paradise isn't a forever dream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so this chapter was HARD. I mean like crazy hard to get out. I don't think I'll ever be fully happy with it truth be told. I do apologize for the wait. I hope it was worth it!
> 
> WARNING: Major Character Death!

Arthur huffed as he stared at the flare burning in front of him.  He heard his men shuffle about the camp outside his tent. They all completed their various prep for battle come sunrise.  Most battle hardened men Arthur had met created some ritual when battle was imminent but not necessarily immediate. The young, unblooded among his troops would mimic a warrior they admire, not always to their benefit.  Arthur’s ritual changed over the years, depending on his companions, always serving their needs before his own. This battle, though, he allowed himself the luxury of his own ritual. 

As long as Arthur could remember, he found comfort in staring into the flame.  A torch or the fireplace in his home welcomed his gaze as thoughts ran rampant throughout his mind until they fell into order.  Decisions, counter orders, strategies and tactics swirled until all that remained was a clear resolve that come battle, his best would either be enough, or it wouldn’t.

Arthur glanced at the shadow of his lover against the tent wall.  Merlin volunteered to help the quartermaster before retiring himself and Arthur could see him gamely carrying spears and chatting with various men.  Always within earshot of the royal tent. Arthur felt the crystal on his chest warm. 

The two halves of crystal that they had picked up in the cave reappeared in Arthur’s rooms a few days after the adventure.  Gaius and Merlin had looked into them, but no matter where they traveled, unless Arthur and Merlin bore them, Arthur found them the next morning on his breakfast table.

Finally, Gaius and Gwen had them made into necklaces and the two men wore them constantly.  

Their benefits were immediately apparent.  The morning after the cave adventure Merlin had a terrible nightmare.  Arthur had had his share of nightmares. Certain raids during the purge, when he was a knight in training still left him waking in cold sweat wanting nothing more than to vomit before scrubbing his skin clean.  So when Merlin woke screaming the next morning, Arthur’s stomach swooped in alarm, but not complete confusion. Wrapping his arms around the warlock, Arthur ignored the chaos that enveloped the room and focused his energy on calming the source of the magic. 

It wasn’t the first time Arthur had witnessed Merlin’s magic go a bit silly.  The whimpering man had woken and clung to him desperately. A lot of hte blubbering wasn’t making sense, but not in the nonsense sounds fashion.  Usually Arthur simply couldn’t understand the words due to whimpering and sobbing,but this was very different. Certainly some of the words were incomprehensible, but others were perfectly understandable and Arthur was very confused.

Merlin talked of wars that couldn’t happen, a world beyond the shores of the ocean and magic of a wondrous and dangerous sort.  Explosions that destroyed cities and required no magical ability to use, and metal magic that allowed communication beyond even what the magic spheres Merlin used.  Voices, called phones, that spoke out of thin air and atrocities beyond even the slavery of the Saxons.

The crystals seemed to moderate these nightmares, allowing Merlin to understand the complex information he’d received when saving Arthur’s life.  Understanding what was happening was harder. For a brief moment Merlin saw everything, all that was and all that could be. He claims to not remember most of it, but he apparently did process some of it before returning to Arthur’s arms.  Now his mind was attempting to understand the incomplete information. 

Arthur, in general was content to assist him as he worked through this if not for the one instance he did remember with perfect clarity.  Apparently, this knowledge didn’t include simply all that would be, but all that could be. One that the universe thought could be was an Evil Merlin.  Arthur had managed not to roll his eyes until the end of the story. Apparently there was a possibility that Arthur had followed his father closer and never lifted the ban on magic.  Then, in Arthur’s opinion, Arthur went stupid and started a war with his own sister and Merlin ended up killing her. But Arthur also died and Merlin had gone completely off his horse and attacked everything.  

It was really such utter nonsense, but Merlin, true to form, remembered that possibility better than any other.  Arthur had finally rolled his eyes and explained in the smallest words he could find that Merlin was too much of a clumsy idiot to ever successfully turn evil.  Hell, even if he wanted to simply be an assassin, it wouldn’t work. He’d probably be stupidly obvious and everyone would know. He was completely hopeless with anything short of helping Arthur.  Some magic, no pun intended, formula said that Merlin is an idiot unless Arthur needed him to succeed. 

Arthur glanced at Merlin through the tent again as the goof predictably dropped a pile of speared, probably on his toe with the hopping he was doing.  He really was hopeless.

A hopeless god.

One bit of information that had kept Arthur awake came from Gaius.  The healer had confided in Arthur that certain things that should have killed Merlin hadn’t and the man had very few scars, despite ample reason for them.  This sudden increase in magic, albeit magic Merlin didn’t fully use, Gaius wondered if Merlin could be killed. That thought, more than all the other nightmares, kept Arthur up at night.  If Merlin gained immortality, the man would watch the rest of them grow old and fade from this world, whether through violence or the natural turn of time. Gaius, himself was already fairly high in age for a non-magical mortal.

Gaius had glared at him for that comment and dryly thanked him for thinking of the healer as old.  

Still, Merlin’s reaction to Arthur’s death in the caves meant this could actually be a problem they would need to address one day.  Arthur just hoped the next day would not end up being that day.

Following Merlin’s free use of magic, Camelot had flourished.  Or at least that was what Arthur had thought, until he’d slept with the warlock.  The crop report was beyond any imagination and this was true for any land allied with Arthur.  When Merlin and Morgana had brought the status of magic in the land to Gaius, the elder man had the answer already.  

Uther’s purge hadn’t been complete, how could it?  The remaining magical folk hadn’t been able to fight back directly, but they had laid curse after curse upon his reign and lands.  Gaius, in fact, had always been confused as to how they had all survived such curses. Merlin answered that.

Arthur had been born of such magic by Ygraine.  Her family had been the magical ties of the land to the nobility for generations.  By blood, Arthur had solely protected the land from the curses so long as he loved the land and his father.

Gaius suggested that some of the curses had automatically completed upon Uther’s death.  Further curses had ended with the abolishment of the laws against any magic. The more recent removal of all remaining curses were what confused him.  

Merlin had turned a startling red at that.  He had explained in a small voice about giving himself to Arthur.  Morgana’s sly grin had Arthur turning just as red, but Gaius had looked thoughtful.  He’d explained that since Merlin was conceived on Beltane, he was, in fact, a gift from the gods and an agent of the old religion and the triple goddess.  In effect, they had bound the old religion to the prosperity of the lands.

Arthur remembered the sputtering he’d done at Morgana’s laughter and Gaius amused grin.  When he’d named Merlin his consort a few weeks later, he’d explained, though not in such great detail, some of the political benefits of such a bond to the highest order of the magical population.

Indeed the land’s bounty increased.  So much so that his allies were calling for him to create a more permanent bond between the various lands.  It was this wealth and prosperity that drew the Saxons to their borders. And as one, the allies of Albion rose to meet them.

This campaign would end the Saxon threat as well as Morgause for good.  Morgana was meeting her half-sister on the battlefield further along with a group led by Leon.

Arthur grinned as he remembered the night before they rode out from Camelot.  

-Flashback-

Morgana was waiting for him when he left council chambers. He’d set up everything for his absence, both of him and his Court sorcerer.  He halted briefly before continuing into the room. Merlin was nowhere to be seen, but the warlock was trying to put more protection spells on Gwen before they left since her child was being incredibly stubborn.  Naturally, she blamed Arthur for that.

“Arthur, I have a request.”  Morgana’s voice drew him back into the room sharply.  Arthur withheld a sigh, he felt his exhaustion in his bones and wanted to lay upon his bed with his lover and let the day release him.  He sat and nodded at her to continue.

“Although I now hold both a court position and a lordship, I am still a lady.”  Morgana paced in front of the fireplace. Arthur watched, curiosity chasing the exhaustion from his head.  Morgana only acted this way when she simultaneously wanted and did not want to do something. “I am aware of my station.  And with my father’s death and Uther’s death, I…”

She looked at him beseechingly, but he had no clue what she wanted.

“I was hoping for your blessing.”

He blinked at her.  Morgana hadn’t asked for anyone’s blessing in near anything in years.  Not that she didn’t receive it, but she so rarely actually asked.

“He won’t ask, says he’s not of good enough station.  I’m so sick of this stupid rule that means I have to wait for the man to figure things out.”

Arthur was certain there was an insult in there somewhere, with Morgana there usually was even a good natured one, but it didn’t actually help him figure out what she was talking about.

“So I’m asking.  I mean I suppose I should ask his mother if we were technical, but I’m still the lady so I’m asking you.”  She looked at him half proud and half exasperated about the whole thing. Arthur still hadn’t a clue what she was talking about.

“Okay, why don’t you start at the beginning because I’m not even certain what you want a blessing for.”  Arthur rolled his eyes as she huffed irritably. “Morgana you know I support most of what you do, but I do like to know what I’m agreeing to at least part of the time.”

“I want to court Leon.”

Arthur blinked at her in surprise.  “Leon? As in Sir Leon? As in one of my best knights?”

Morgana glared at him, but his mind was still turning the courtship around too much to notice or react.

“Yes, Sir I’m-too-low-for-you-Morgana-you-should-find-someone-more-your-worth Leon!”

Arthur desperately pursed his lips in an attempt to hide his amusement as he looked away from her to control the urge to giggle.

“I think Sir Leon is shorter.”  Merlin’s dry comment from the doorway caught their attention.  Arthur grinned widely at his lover before turning back to his steaming sister.

“I don’t know.  It certainly would stand out.”  Arthur tried to hide his grin behind a hand as Morgana’s acidic glare turned his way.  More of her speech made sense now. Usually it would be Leon to come to him to ask, not Morgana doing any asking.  “Furthermore, it his job to ask me, not yours.”

“I know, I’ve tried.  He’s convinced you will turn him down until he’s won some great battle or some such nonsense.  As if I couldn’t decide for myself about my spouse with a river of bloodshed.”

Arthur’s grin disappeared at that.  “First, proving you can protect your family is important, Morgana.  Please do not mock such a trial. Second, I’d never reject Leon, or you for that matter, if you both came to me to tell me you wished this courtship.”  He made his voice firm enough to catch his sister’s attention, well aware that without it, she’d steam right over him.

Morgana shut her mouth and stared at him a moment.  Instead of try to read her reaction, he turned to Merlin.

“Please fetch Sir Leon.”

Merlin gave him a nod before dropping their evening snack on the table and trotted out the door again.  

“Arthur…?”  Morgana’s more timid voice filtered through his ears and he glanced her way.  She looked less sure, less belligerent now. Arthur had expected that. Uther’s heavy handling of her had left her with quick and harsh defenses.  Ones that could cut both siblings if they let them. Arthur wasn’t about to let them.

“I’m your only male family member, Morgana.  Allow me the honor of trying to protect you?”  Arthur’s request was gentle and soft. He let Morgana think on that as he heard his love’s return footsteps in the hall.

Leon strode in following Merlin.  The man, clearly had no knowledge of why he’d been sent for, since he was joking with Merlin freely.  He gave Arthur a nod and glanced at Morgana surreptitiously, or it would have been had Arthur not been paying attention finally.  He wondered briefly how long he’d missed those looks.

“Sir Leon.  It has come to my attention that you and my sister wish to court, is that true?”  His authority rang throughout the chambers and Merlin came to stand at his shoulder.  He saw Morgana glance at him as Leon seemed to stiffen before dropping to one knee in front of his king and potential brother-in-law.

“My lord.  I do wish to court fair Lady Morgana.”  The words were spoken into the floor.

“Tell me,”  Arthur leaned forward.  “Why should I grant such a blessing to a man without the heart to brave my rejection for such an opportunity?”  Arthur heard Morgana’s gasp and practically burned under her glare, but he did not turn away from Leon.

“My lord, I wish to prove myself first.  I am not-”

“Did I say you were unblooded?  Inexperienced in the matters of court?  Tell me in what way have I shown my displeasure in one of my top knights?”  Arthur knew he was being hard on Leon, but he had a point to make. Morgana’s temper was legendary and if Leon couldn’t stand up to it, he’d be run roughshod.  That would do neither of them any good.

“I am of a lower house, my lord.  I wanted-”

“Is Lancelot not born of a commoner?  Is he not now my first knight? Is he not now set to help raise my heir?  Protect the mother of my child? And what of Percival? Do you hold him in such contempt?”  Although Arthur strove to keep his voice mild, he could hear the tension thread through these words.  He’d put a lot of effort into breaking those barriers, but he knew some still verbally abused the two and even Merlin for their birth.

“No!  Lance and Percival are fine knights.  I’d have them at my back sooner than a morning rooster crows.  But-”

“Then pray tell!  What manner of man is unwilling to stand up for the woman of his heart?”

Leon took a deep breath.  For a moment, Arthur though the older knight would cave, but instead Leon glanced at Morgana where she stood next to the fireplace.  Her chin trembled and out of the corner of his eye Arthur could see unshed tears in her eyes. Leon met her eyes a long moment before rising.  He tilted his head up, meeting Arthur’s eyes head on like all those years on the practice grounds.

“Tis only my foolishness, which I expect her ladyship to ruthlessly stamp out at her leisure, that kept me from saying my rightful words.”  Leon’s voice was strong now. Arthur stood in front of the man and waited.

“King Arthur, I request permission to court your sister, the fair Lady Morgana, that I may win her favor and someday be graced with her hand in marriage.”  Leon strong tone rang throughout the chambers and Arthur could feel the pride bursting through him. He glanced at Morgana.

“Sister, this man has requested your hand for courtship.  Does he do so with your approval?” Arthur question was rote, but necessary.  This wasn’t just some empty tradition, but a show not only of power but of priorities.  Arthur’s priority was Morgana’s happiness. Her freedom. His alliance with Leon was secondary to that.

Morgana subtly sniffed before she tilted her chin.  “He not only has my approval, but my exasperated urging.”

Arthur stifled a grin, he would indulge later with Merlin.  Instead he turned back to Leon. “You wish to court my lady sister.”  He stepped forward and placed his hand on Leon’s shoulder. “You both have my blessing.  Upon the courtship and, when you finally convince of the ceremony, my blessing upon the union.”

Leon blinked at him before grasping his hand in brotherhood.  Arthur let the shake last two cycles before pulling his knight-mate into an embrace.  “There is no one I’d trust her with more. You should know that, you idiot.”

Leon smiled as he looked over at Morgana.  “Yeah, I’m a lucky man, for with her by my side I shall forever be an idiot.”

-End Flashback-

Morgana had rolled her eyes at them as they shared a chuckle.  Still Leon had ridden with her company and her token in his mail.  Arthur was glad. It was always better riding into battle with love in your heart.  That as something Arthur had learned long ago with Merlin.

His mind turned to the other he loved.  A tiny scrap of human who should be settling down just about now.  

The army had marched out before Gwen had given birth, but a messenger had caught up with them yesterday to say that she’d given birth to a boy, Elasius.  Arthur had immediately updated his papers and sent them back with his seal. Should he fall today, Elasius would be his heir under the council’s tutelage.  Gwen was to raise the child and in his absence Morgana and Gaius were to act in his stead as King.

Merlin had investigated the child a few weeks after the cave incident.  Arthur was uncertain what Merlin had done or seen but it left the warlock troubled.  He had been able to confirm that the child was Arthur’s though. Though Arthur had asked, Merlin had failed to explain the rest.  The only comment Arthur had gotten was that Elasius was his father’s son and would father the future of Albion.

Arthur hadn’t known what to make of that.  The knowledge had slowly been pushed away as the growing threat of the Saxons came upon their borders.  News of a dragon in their ranks had confirmed the issue. Merlin had spent nearly two days in one of the castle towers looking for the dragon and when he returned he confirmed both a dragon and Morgause.  He also was taken to bed for nearly a week, weakened nearly to the point of death.

Arthur and his council had been busy preparing ever since.  There was barely a day that Arthur wasn’t running between war meetings.  But in between, he visited Gwen. He spent time touching where she guarded their unborn child.  Merlin, once better, had started pouring his best protection magic into Gwen and her quarters. Lancelot was one of the knights remaining behind to guard Camelot during the campaign.

Arthur had sent envoys to the neighboring kingdoms that had joined Camelot as allies and several had responded and were also marching to the threat.  Saxons took prisoners and slaves. They cared little for borders or decency. They had set up a line of defense. Arthur’s troops were the center, since apparently Camelot was still the target.  Arthur cursed his father’s legacy again.

Morgause was meeting with Morgana further up the coast and Merlin was meeting up with the dragon and his handler, they hoped.  Arthur’s job was to keep others from interfering with the magical battle that Merlin was about to be enrolled in. 

“You should sleep Arthur.”

Arthur looked up as Merlin ducked in the tent.  Most of the sounds outside had changed from competent preparation to raucous celebration of those who did not like the quiet the night before a battle.  Arthur wished Mordred was present. The young warlock had learned so much from Merlin, surely he could have helped, but Merlin had been adamant about leaving some sort of magical protection on Camelot.

Merlin knelt in front of him and looked up at the weary king.  His fingers traveled up strong thighs to feather under the tunic.  Merlin rose and Arthur’s eyes fluttered as thin lips brushed against his chin.

“Let me take tomorrow away from you, my lord.  For tonight, rest in my arms, my king. My heart.  My Love.”

Arthur leaned forward to take the kneeling man’s lips with his.  Thin fingers flutters on the soft muscle of his chest under the cotton.  Swirls of magic ghosted after the movement and Arthur moaned into the kiss.  He looked down as he released the warlock. Merlin dropped a slow kiss on the covered knee, his hands moving to work the ties of Arthur’s breeches.  Reverently, Merlin kissed and nuzzled his way up each thigh, never rising from his knees. 

Arthur barely noticed Merlin freeing his manhood as he suckled through the thick fabric at his inner thigh.  When the warm mouth tongued Arthur, the king trembled with power. The power of that sensation. The power of having this warlock, this god kneeling at his feet.  The power of the love he saw in Merlin’s eyes, and was reflected in his own. 

Arthur dissolved in the embrace as surely as a log in a flame, leaving a glowing ember of soul behind to display its heat.  Though they spoke little, they communed, with each other, with the stars themselves. Fingers along smooth skin, lips brushing both tentative as a fresh crush and passionate as long time lovers.  He felt magic course over him, through blood flowing in his heart. When the morning sun broke the trees and he saw the forces against them, he felt alive.

He felt love.

* * *

Merlin ducked as another bolt flew his way.  Felling the dragon had taken all his strength and more.  The cry of a soul forced to act against the master of its heart tore into him in a way he felt sure nothing could stitch together.  He and the other dragonlord fought a battle of wills, but where he was sending the creature away from battle, his opponent was sending her into the heat of it.  Each forceful cry sent rivers of blood down her aura until Merlin could see none of her pearly white skin not tainted with the scratches of her own claws. Something had to give.  His opponent, far more angry and experienced than he, kept the distraction high, but Merlin couldn’t let them past. 

It was draining his soul to put such a torment on a creature that by rights was his kin.  Lucky chance alone saved them all. Gwaine, ordered by Arthur to protect Merlin from spare soldiers, had taken a moment to throw his knife at the warlock.  It shouldn’t have worked. Both Merlin and the enemy warlock had placed protection against such simple physical attacks early on, but as the population of the battle moved elsewhere, Merlin realized that his opponent had compensated for the difference in their strength levels by removing that energy expenditure.

Gwaine had probably been hoping to merely distract, but the blade plunged deeply into the man’s shoulder.  The white dragon gave a roar of fury, but Merlin ordered her off and to a distant shore for a decade, rushing the warlock before he could draw breath.  From his work with Kilgarrah, Merlin knew it would take at least ten minutes for the dragon to get beyond the warlock’s reach. The dragon would never make it.

But Merlin couldn’t let the man win.  Arthur was behind him. Somewhere in that battlefield, Arthur fought and he was their target, not for anything the king had done, but for his father’s misdeeds and the enemy’s jealousy.  It sickened Merlin how much of Uther’s life Arthur had to apologize for. A burst of power launched him across the clearing, punching the warlock. Funny thing, Merlin thought that surprised the man more than anything else.  Like punching was completely foreign concept. Merlin used that to kick him in the gut, drawing on sparing lessons from Arthur over the years.

Although the kick did little, it did give Merlin the chance to free the knife from the bloody shoulder and plunge it into the chest.  The man sat up, startled. He looked at Merlin with bloody teeth stretched into a sinister smile.

“I guess I won’t get to see Arthur’s corpse.  But don’t worry little warlock.” He leaned forward towards Merlin’s ear, gripping Merlin’s hands on the knife tightly.  “There’s a weapon even you can’t defend against.”

A gurgle spilled blood on Merlin’s shoulder and Merlin caught the gaze of the man.  He was smiling at something Merlin couldn’t see as the light slowly faded from his eyes.  Merlin thought he knew what he was smiling at. He was going to the family he’d lost all those years ago.  For a brief moment, Merlin ached to go to, see his father and his family. To be with them just for a moment.

A jolt from Gwaine had him blinking and he remembered the battle.  Gwaine was frantically checking him for wounds, but he shook his head.  His ears were ringing a bit, but he was fine. He stood shakily before getting his feet under him and took a deep breath before handing Gwaine his knife back and start for the ridge that separated them from the rest of the battle.

Merlin had seen many battles since joining Arthur.  A field covered in blood wasn’t exactly new. Still, Merlin wasn’t prepared to see the light gone from so many faces.  Faces he knew like Owen who secretly liked flowers or Hardgen who could sing to shake the roof down. And faces he didn’t know like the messenger from Caerleon who’d brought the news of King Caerleon’s forces.  He’d been ordered away from the battle, but he’d fought anyway. He also saw young and old saxons. Some were battle worn, clearly fighting for years, but others, they were young. Did they truly want this fight?  Had they been given a choice? Slaves were forced to fight all the time, who here was one of them?

He saw a few others walking, but no fighting.  And no Saxon’s stood, it seemed this smaller fight was over.  Merlin looked around, trying to find one person, searching for blonde hair.  He heard calls from beyond the next ridge where Caerleon’s forces butted up next to Camelot’s.  Gwaine took off and Merlin ran next to him. Those standing who could do so followed as best they could, spirit for battle returning with the knowledge that the fight was yet to be over.

Merlin came over the ridge to see Queen Annis and her guard losing to a superior force of Saxons.  King Caerleon was on the ground next to them and Arthur...Arthur fought to one side. They couldn’t gain ground.  Merlin halted and forced himself to take stock and breath. Battle magic wasn’t really his forte, despite a plethora of practice and lifetime of use.  He started picking off soldiers when an injured but decorated Saxon turned a bend. Merlin paid him little mind until he charged Arthur. Excalibur sang as it met another blade forged in dragon’s breath and Merlin realized what the dead warlock had meant.

He watched in slow motion as four clamored at Arthur and the new blade plunged into his side, biting deeply into his stomach.

A scream had Merlin forget all he was taught about battle magic and a wave of magic flattened over the battleground.  Darkness beckoned a moment before Merlin was running for Arthur. Gwaine was next to him a moment later and Queen Annis a moment after that.

Merlin barely noticed that he’d turned this battle.  Actually he’d ended it, but for Arthur’s ragged breathing.  Queen Annis took charge immediately, organizing the survivors to find those not dead and to set up camp somewhere defendable.  Merlin grabbed at the medical bag one of the men dropped near him, but Arthur’s coughing sounded too wet.

Merlin pulled magic out of thin air, shoving healing into the wound with no effect.  A sliver of blade was lodged in the flesh. He reached for the magic from the cave, but this dry air held no sacred magic here.  He looked around frantically but the only familiar face was Gwaine.

“I need…”

Gwaine knelt next to him.  “What? Merlin, What do you need?”

Merlin swallowed.  He needed Arthur. The man was unconscious though.  He tried to draw his thoughts together, but they splintered a few times.  The life blood was still flowing out, soaking the bandage and the metal moving towards his heart.  The cave was at least four days journey from here. He would never make it!

Merlin looked down.  The blade lay off to one side and Merlin touched it.  It was indeed forged in the breath of a dragon. Truthfully, no human magic could help.  He needed something more. He needed the Sidthe.

“I need horses”  Merlin’s croak got Gwaine moving.  As other’s readied the horses Gwaine knelt next to him.

“Where are we going?”

Merlin looked around, mentally mapping the area.  They had to go straight for any hope of making it at all.  “South, at least two days.”

It would be away from the fighting and right into any stragglers turned bandits.  Gwaine nodded. He disappeared, likely to ration supplies. Queen Annis knelt next to Merlin.

“He saved my husband.”  She placed a hand on Arthur’s brow before looking up at Merlin.  “What can I do?”

Merlin felt the tears roll down his cheek.  Nothing. No one here could do anything. He needed to get to Avalon.  But there was the future to think of. Arthur had drilled that into his head over the last few weeks.  Even when all hope is disappearing set the ground for the future crop.

“Help Camelot.”  Merlin gasped as three horses arrived.  “Morgana and Gaius. And Gwen. They speak for him.  And for me. Help them. Help Elasius.” 

Gwaine lifted Merlin's lover onto the horse and pulled himself on another.  Merlin turned to Annis.

“Elasius will father high kings.”  He felt destiny swirl around him and guessed that his eyes showed it, for Annis gasped in surprise.  “Help him.”

Merlin mounted up and turned south to follow Gwaine who had already started.  They had a hard ride if Arthur was going to survive two days.

Queen Annis stood and called after them.

“I give my family’s honor to the Pendragon Line.”

Merlin was out of hearing before she said quietly, “Long live the king”.

He didn’t see her watch sadly.  She’d seen enough wounds. Arthur was not long for this world.

* * *

They set up camp as the sun went down.  Merlin let Gwaine do everything while he tried to make Arthur as comfortable as possible.  Arthur woke briefly as Merlin tried to convince him to eat the thin broth they had with them.

Arthur’s breathing was heavy as he fell in and out of consciousness.  Merlin tried to bolster him as best he could with his magic, but he was running shy of that too.  The battle with a dragonlord had sapped much of his own strength. He knew he still had magic, but energy he was quickly running low on.

Arthur was even paler the next morning.  Gwaine helped Merlin sit him up. They steadied him on the horse.  Arthur knew Merlin was looking him over and seeing the same thing Arthur felt.

After sending his lover to collect the last of their belongings he turned to Gwaine.

“I need your help.”  Gwaine gripped his wrist and nodded.

“Anything, Arthur.”

Arthur felt for the cord about his neck and yanked.  He pooled it in Gwaine’s hand. “Give this to Guinevere.”  

Gwaine looked at the royal seal nestled in his hand.  “My lord… Merlin should-”

Arthur shook his head.  “I can’t ask this of him.  He must see me through until the end of this journey.”  Arthur leaned forward to grabbed Gwaine’s shoulder. “Gwaine, Morgana inherits until my son is 17.  Gwen and Morgana will rule well. They’ve been partners for many years. I’m asking you to do this.”

“But-”

“We both recognize this wound.”  Arthur heaved a breath. “If Merlin could heal it, he’d have done so.  If we don’t get where we are going by sunrise tomorrow, I won’t live to see it.  You know this.”

Gwaine swallowed.

“Merlin needs to see this journey through.”  Arthur met Gwaine’s gaze. “It is for you to protect my people.  Get this seal back to Camelot.”

Gwaine glanced at the warlock, who was frantically packing the last of their things.  

Arthur squeezed his shoulder faintly.  “My last duty will be to him. As his…” Arthur floundered for a less sappy word than lover.  In the end he doubted it mattered. Whatever he was, he was Merlin’s. “If he doesn’t return to Camelot in 3 days, find him at the shores of the Lake of Avalon.”

Gwaine’s wet eyes met the resolute blue ones.

“I will, my lord.  My king!”

Gwaine’s loyalty, hard to win and hard to lose had been forever sworn from nobility.  Arthur felt a powerful breath give him a burst of courage. He had been worthy of this man’s faith.  His life had restored what Gwaine had lost all those years ago. That would be a part of his legacy.

* * *

Merlin rode them over the hills as fast as he dared with Arthur so wobbly.  Arthur almost told him to stop. The pain of riding was so great, and the knowledge that they wouldn’t reach their destination together even more painful.  But Merlin needed this journey. He needed to try everything.

As the last light faded, Arthur could see the lake in the distance.  At least a half day ride for a body with no more breath, he let himself fall to the ground.

The horses scampered immediately following Merlin’s collapse next to him.  They were not Camelot horses and likely not trained for this. It didn’t matter.  Arthur wouldn’t be mounting up against anyway.

“Arthur!” 

Merlin pulled on his shoulder and Arthur couldn’t get enough breath to let out a shout of pain that welled within him.  Arthur reached behind him and gripped Merlin’s hair.

“No...Merlin!”  He felt Merlin gasp and sob behind him.  Arthur felt them fall to the ground. He turned painfully to look up at Merlin.

“Stop.  You can stop Merlin.”  Arthur looked up at his other half.  He had one last thing to do. All those nights worrying about Merlin’s immortality, all those thoughts about Merlin’s nightmare where Arthur died.  Arthur had known he couldn’t leave Merlin without helping him in some way. There was a letter with Gaius should he fall without Merlin by his side, but this was better.

Merlin looked at him and Arthur could see his soul shattering in his eyes.

“Enough, Merlin.  Let’s just rest here.”  Arthur felt Merlin lay them back against the hill.  He saw the same silent tears he’d seen before. Merlin knew.

“Merlin, listen to me.”  Arthur gripped Merlin’s shoulder with all his fading strength.  Merlin met his eyes. “Listen, I want you to take a deep breath.  I die for my people and for the most important thing in my life.”

Arthur winced as he felt something shift in his chest.  “I need- I need your promise to take care of the most important thing in my life.  Promise me!”

Merlin swallowed before nodding.  “I-I promise Arthur. I will.”

Arthur smiled.  The stars were beautiful above them.  He glanced at Merlin, “Thank you, Merlin.”

Merlin leaned closer and Arthur traced his cheek with a finger.

“Thank you for being the most important thing in my life.”

* * *

Some say Arthur Pendragon died a firey death in a battle field with honor.  Some say he rode blazing at a dragon to defend his home.  Some say he died an old man weary of battle to have fled from that life.  Some say nothing at all for Arthur falls into myth and legend.  Some say his faithful wizard, Merlin vanished with him. Forever beyond the reach of history and man.

Gwaine did return with the seal.  Morgana cast out for Arthur and Merlin the moment his story finished.  She couldn’t find Arthur, but Merlin was located on the banks of Avalon.  Morgana watched as his eyes flashed and his throat growled. On the waters floated a boat with a single occupant.  Only Morgana heard the chant.

“ _ Vocate venti fortunate  _ __  
_ Ab ordine Ambrosius  _ __  
_ et hic navis flugem regate  _ _  
_ __ ad orae Avalonis .”

Only Morgana saw the boat depart from this world into the world of myth and legend.  A world of prophecy and destiny.

Many had heard the prophecy of the once and future king.  That he fell only to rise again when his kingdom needed him most.  His son was raised to be a good king.  Gwen raised a son on virtues of equality and honor. Lancelot taught him truth and nobleness.  Leon taught him humility and bravery. Gwaine taught him songs and joviality. Elyan taught him family and friendship.  Percival taught him gentleness and kindness. Mordred taught him trust and freedom. Gaius taught him curiosity and compassion.

And Morgana taught him magic.  Both the kind he inherited and the kind his fathers had found in the hearts of those with honor and loyalty.  For Arthur is the once and future king, destined to bring the lands together and return magic to the souls of the people, now and again when the world needs him most.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chant was taken mostly from the gargoyles series and reads in english:  
> Come winds, safely  
> By order of Ambrosius  
> guide this ship through the waves  
> to the shores of Avalon.
> 
> Arthur is dead. The next chapter is almost done, mostly because Arthur wouldn't flipping die! Then my computer did a windows update halfway through posting this >( Goodness! But here it is. The end of Arthur. 
> 
> Up next: Steve awakens in SHIELD


	10. I Had a Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve wakes up in the future

_ Curve ball, high and outside for ball one. So the Dodgers are tied, 4-4. And the crowd well knows that with one swing of his bat, this fellow’s capable of making it a brand-new game again. Just an absolutely gorgeous day here at Ebbets Field. The Phillies have managed to tie up at 4-4. But the Dodgers have three men on. _

The sound of the game filtered through the cold.  Steve groaned silently as he felt his body come to life.  It was the same as the last time he’d fallen asleep in the snow.  Bucky had been terrified Steve wouldn’t wake up that time. Steve had promised he’d not do that again.  He’d have to ask Bucky where he’d gotten a broadcast of a game from.

_ Pearson beaned Reiser in Philadelphia last month. Wouldn’t the youngster like a hit here to return the favour?  _

The flight of the Valkyrie slowly integrated as his muscles all began responding to his commands again.  A brief search told him his body was in good shape, no active healing. He could feel his system responding to some drugs, but the sensation was unfamiliar save that they were some form of sedative.  He felt the cotton sheet beneath him. Clean, not starched, soft, softer than any sheets he’d been on before.

_ Merlin looked at him and Arthur could see his soul shattering in his eyes.  “I-I promise Arthur. I will.” _

_ “Peggy, this is my choice.”   He knew Peggy was there carrying his dream forward.  He knew Erskine was there believing in him. He knew Bucky was there, hand on his shoulder. _

Steve didn’t sense anyone else in the immediate room, but that meant very little.  He let his eye open and he sat up, trying to shake off the memory of the game. It was a good day with Bucky?.  The door opened and a nurse came in, or someone wearing a nurse uniform. There were several things wrong with this picture.  Steve could feel everything pushing at him, but the need to secure himself first shoved it all back. 

_ Pete leans in. Here’s the pitch. Swung on. A line to the right. And it gets past Rizzo. Three runs will score. Reiser heads to third. Durocher’s going to wave him in. Here comes the relay, but they won’t get him. _

The nurse was all wrong.  Her soap smelled fancy and he didn’t even know what to make of the scents wafting from her hair.  The window’s image was fuzzy, like a cinema film, but better quality. He glanced at the radio again, shoving everything else aside.

“Where are we?”

Her smile was sweet, if a bit patronizing.  Steve heard her breath hitch as she started to speak and Arthur knew whatever was coming out of her mouth was a lie.  His years at court, especially with Morgana had taught him to spot those.

“You’re in New York.”

Steve looked around again, cataloging the issues.  He wished he had a sword, but for the moment, he’d make due.  Then he reminded himself that he used a shield now. Of course, that was likely at the bottom of the ocean.

“Where are we really?”

Her look of confusion was well done.  Steve may have been fooled, but not Arthur.  Steve hadn’t known how to talk with respect to authority  Steve hadn’t known how to talk to a dame. Steve hadn’t known how to wade through the personalities and diverse goal to coax negotiations and compromises to his benefit.  Steve had known the hit it and take the punishment method. Arthur, on the other hand, had a lifetime of court lessons he’d been ignoring and a lifetime of Merlin’s advice to guide him.  A big part of all that education was how to read and react to a room. 

There were many ways he could tell this wasn’t a hospital in New York.  They knew him as Captain America, but no need to let on to any of his skills.

“That game.  I was there.”

The men who came in the room behind her were armed.  This was more comfortable. Arthur pushed Steve’s memories forward to help him navigate combat without heavy armor.  Steve had very little trouble with them, until he tried to use the wall to knock them out. He hadn’t expected them to go through the damn wall!  There was nothing for it, but to follow. It certainly was a clearer exit than the sham of a door. He almost choked to realize he’d woken up in a paper box in a large dark room.

Hydra and years of avoiding being captured swirled until he wasn’t sure who he was running from.  The fact he made it through the black wall was dumb luck and Steve drew on the iron control that had let Arthur lead his men into battle.  He remembered his father’s advice.

_ If you can go along an obstacle do it.  Your enemy is limited if the obstacle is still there, use its existence. _

Uther was long dead, but his battle tactics were sound.  Steve took off down a corridor as surprised people strolling about heard a call to arms.  The perfect recall part of him noted that all the agents were aware of what was happening, some scrambled out of the way to avoid being in a cross fire and some dropped there current task to give chase.

Getting out of the building gave him some breathing space and it took him a moment to slow down enough to realize just what he was seeing.  Even at Merlin’s most extravagant, he’d never seen such displays of color. On some level Steve recognized Times Square, which was comforting.  

This wasn’t some simple capture then.  He turned as he was surrounded, but a man exited one of the cars and called his attention.

He knew the apology was for politeness-sake, but he couldn’t react.  Not with what he heard next. Seventy years gone. Arthur was still scrabbling to understand the last thousand years, but Steve really only grabbed one thing.

“I had a date”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now that I've finished the Merlin/Arthur saga of this story could you guys comment on how I did? Here is the start of Steve's story
> 
> I realize this is short, which was why I could finish it so close to the last chapter. It is supposed to have the same feel as the last scene of Cap's first movie, and to some extent the same feel as the prologue. The end phrase was supposed to not only refer to Peggy, but also the life he was supposed to have with Merlin. Yes, Steve remembered/dreamed all of Arthur's life while in that iceberg.
> 
> I have about 4 chapters before the Avengers movie planned and half written. MCU doesn't really show much of Steve integrating, though the deleted scenes show some. I want to explore not only Arthur and Steve integrating together but both of them integrating with this era. MCU's handling of Steve's return irritates me to no end.


	11. Grief, Just Another Word for Want

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Grief is I think the most painful word for want I've ever heard. Grief is what you feel when the word want utterly fails to communicate the sheer suffering from the word 'want'.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heads up - this is sad.

Steve stared at the wall of the apartment.  Fury had tried to house him on base, but Steve knew he needed space.  He had to reconcile more than simply 70-year nap. Fury gave him the bare bones of his crash along with some basic files on people Fury thought were important.  Additionally, SHIELD handed him several pieces of tech along with some instruction manuals. He hated homework!

Fury hadn’t a fucking clue!

Steve could close his eyes and see them.  He saw Lancelot laughing as he held his wife.  He saw Gwen’s smile when she thought about her pregnancy.  He saw Gwaine’s joyous call for more ale and Percy’s good-natured agreement to meet him drink for drink.  He saw Leon leaning back against the wall of the tavern, smiling, content to watch over them, pretending to be one of the older wiser knights.  He saw Elyan give his village girl a bouquet he’d picked himself. He saw them all practicing. He saw Gaius sitting and watching as Kara’s healing knowledge grew and Mordred fell over himself to earn her favor.

He saw Morgana smile as she kept company with Leon more and more.  Her face when she told Arthur she loved the man. That she would renounce her claim on the throne for him.  That she would hand it over to Gwen and Lancelot and the unborn child.

He saw Merlin.

He saw that goofy smile that never disappeared even with the addition of the duties of Royal Consort.  He saw the teasing mutter as the man cheerfully followed his king into any activity. He saw the care as Merlin choose his outfit and fed him each day.

He saw Merlin’s love as they lay in bed that last time before the battle.

Oh god, what had he done!  He’d died in his love’s arms.  He’d forced Merlin to watch him die.  He could still hear his soulmate sob in his ear, calling for the Sidhe to come.  He didn’t know if they answered the call. Kilgarrha couldn’t, but Merlin would move heaven and earth for Arthur.  Arthur had known that for years.

Steve would open his eyes and he could see the outlines on the wall plaster.  He saw the letters from his father during the war that claimed his life. He saw Winifred and the girls teaching him to make the perfect cozonac.  He saw Mr Nad and the extra thumb to his order in the deli whenever the man could. Every little bit to help his mother and Steve. He saw his mother in her nurse uniform, serving him milk when they could barely afford food.  

Gradually the images would be replaced with the War.  He saw Stark laugh as he showed more updates to the guns.  He saw Dum Dum down another tankard to see who could match him and Dernier when he couldn’t.  Gabe and Falsworth finding the oddest spices and trying to cook with them. Morita hacking the radio so they could hear some music, a bit of light in the grey.  Col Phillip using his hand to unfold a smile before they could see it as the Howling Commandoes latest antics in attacking heavily armed bases just to prove they could.

He saw Peggy as she decked the bully for being to smart in the mouth.  She stood toe to toe with Stark and besting the army’s best weapon’s contractor.  She saw him firing at his new shield, well aware what it was and scaring him anyway.  Her look when he left her in that car.

He saw Bucky.

He saw the jerk save him from the gangs in the alleys.  The idiot get drafted and put his dreams of mechanic on hold.  Of hearing that he got his dumbass captured. He saw the man tell him he wasn’t leaving Steve behind again.  

_ Not without you! _ Unknowingly repeating the phrase Arthur’s lover said a thousand years earlier.  He kept finding these idiots that refused to follow the simplest orders.

He saw Bucky promise to follow the lead of a scrawny nobody from Brooklyn who knew how to fight through anything.

Bucky falling off the train.  

Steve’s perfect recall allowed him to hear that scream over and over again.

Over and over it cycled.  He’d close his eyes and Camelot would swim in front of him.  Then he’d open his eyes only to see the war and everything that went with it, good and bad.  Steve wasn’t an idiot. He knew he couldn’t help anyone until he got this sorted in some way.

He took a deep breath and then another.  Looking around he knew he was alone. He remembered when he grieving his father’s death, the first one.  He remember Morgana being there to deal with all the dignitaries and give him space. He remembered Merlin being there and letting him work through all his emotions.  He’d cycled through them. Sadness would give way to anger and then fear and relief and back to sadness like a sick merry-go-round. Not that he’d known what that was back then.  

His second father had died before Steve was old enough, but he remembered his mother’s death vividly.  Bucky had been there then. He’d taken care of things and let Steve grieve. And late at night, when the night shielded them, Bucky had coaxed Steve to cry.

King Arthur wasn’t allowed to cry.  Captain America wasn’t allowed to cry.  

But right here, in this room, Steve Rogers balled up in a corner of the room and let himself cry.  He let himself mourn.

He mourned never seeing Gwen’s child.  Never giving the child his experience. Never seeing the child learn to smile or to ride.  Gwen would be an amazing mother and an amazing queen. He wondered if the child wanted his birthright.  He wondered if Lancelot knew how grateful Arthur had been. He wondered if the child liked the sword or if he was more a book learner like Merlin.  He wondered if the child spent days on end sitting with Gaius hearing fantastic stories of brave knights and fearsome beasts or if he spent his time with Leon learning the best songs of battle and honor.  He wondered if the child looked like their mother or their father. Did the child have Gwen’s compassionate brown eyes or the more serious blue eyes. What did their laugh sound like? 

He mourned not seeing Winifred and Becca again.  He hadn’t been able to bring Bucky home to them. Bucky had just heard Becca was dating.  He wondered if she married the guy. If Winifred ever got those grandchildren she wanted. Did they visited his mother’s grave after his death.  Did they still make cozonac. Did Becca make it for her children. Did she always take the first bite by breaking a piece with her fingers from her serving and placing it on her tongue.  Did she remember.

He mourned not seeing Morgana and Leon getting married.  It was happening, hell or high water. Arthur had meant to give them his blessing for that before he left for the last battle, but there hadn’t been time.  Leon had been across the ridge. Arthur prayed he had returned, where Arthur hadn’t. Those tentative looks had flown under the radar for years until both had grown into each other’s lives.  They were as much two side of a coin as any couple. He wished he’d seen Morgana’s wedding dress. He wished he’d been there to give her away, to claim before everyone how proud he was that she was his sister.  He wished he had seen their children grow, full of their mother’s magic and free to use it. He wished he’d given his blessing earlier.

He mourned not seeing Col Phillips crack that whiskey he’d been saving for the end of the war.  He’d said he’d toast it with Stark, Peggy and Steve after everything. If there was anyone there who understood what Steve had done, it would have been Col Phillips.  The man was every inch a mentor Steve had needed. He’d taught him to channel his aggression. He taught him to work with authority when planting his feet. He’d taught him that war sucked.  He’d taught him that soldiers didn’t. He’d taught him of honor and duty. Steve wished he’d thanked him.

He mourned the loss of his knights.  They had plead to him before he was king.  They had followed him not because it was their duty, but because it was their privilege, as Lancelot had told him one night.  They had followed Arthur. Into battle against unbeatable, unknowable enemies. Into a tavern to celebrate the battles and their survival.  They raised their swords with him, to protect. He had been honored to now any of them. He hoped they all knew that.

He mourned the Commandos.  He’d wanted to meet Gabe’s girl back home.  And Falsworth mother who sent him all those letters and awesome cookies.  He’d wanted to tease Morita when he and DumDum finally felt safe enough to tell the rest of them that they’d overcome their initial friction to become not only friends, but possibly lovers.  He wanted to toast the honored dead with them after the war. He wanted to watch over each other’s kids. He wanted to see them grow old. He wanted to see that the spark in their eyes never died.

He mourned the loss of Gwen’s level head and Gaius’s arched eyebrow.  Mordred’s innocent but not so innocent comments and his fiancee’s caustic humor.  He mourned the way they caught their king when he tripped and held him on his feet until he was strong enough to stand.  He never told them how much trust, how much bravery, how much courage he had needed to first time he let himself fall. Let himself believe.

He mourned the loss of Peggy and all that meant.  The children who would never be. The wedding that could ever happen.  The fumbling dates and awkward dances that she would help him through. She unfailing faith, not just in him, but in humanity.  Her strength and determination, so close to his own, yet for her there was no serum to make up the difference between her and her goal, because what was held against her wasn’t something that needed fixing.  He mourned the dance that would never happen.

He mourned Bucky.  His brother in all but blood.  His shadow and guiding light. His constant support and devil’s advocate.  Bucky was everything. Bucky just was. He remembered when he crashed how he felt Bucky next to him.  The calm strong hand on his shoulder, supporting as it always had been. Bucky wasn’t gone, he was carried through everything.  Bucky remained a part of Steve. But Steve would give anything to feel that hug again.

He mourned Merlin.  He hadn’t known what he had in Merlin, until one day he did.  They may never have said the words enough. Not in the light of day.  Only to the moon and stars, in the dark of the royal chambers and in the breathless murmur.  Yet they constantly told each other. It was in the breakfast they ate together and the dinners they neglected.  It was in the rides for patrol and the rides for the hunt. It was in the arguments over policy and the steady support over goals.  It was in Merlin’s position and in Arthur’s position. He wished he could hear it one more time.

“ _ I love you _ ”

The dark room swallowed the words as tears trickled down his cheeks, one after another.  At first, his instinct to suppress them jerked through him. As his muscles tensed to wipe away the frailty, he realized there was no point.  The tears were coming faster, just not stopping and hadn’t that been the point. Tears deserved existence as much as anything else. They might as well exist.  The heat of his cheeks only made the tickle of the running water all the more stark and he let out a hiccup. 

Why were the tears still coming?  He wasn’t even thinking about mourning anyone anymore.  He wasn’t-

He felt his neck grow damp with tears and sweat as he ducked his head into his arms.  He heard the fabric tear as his fists tightened on his knees. It wasn’t enough. He couldn’t rid himself of the knot in his throat or the pressure he felt closing in on him.  The pressure to fly apart, for there to be nothing left but shards of tears and a tight ball of pain and misery.

He wanted his mother to sit next to him with a glass of milk and a blanket.  He wanted Morgana to wiggle into his arms and let him hold her. He wanted Bucky to grab his neck and hide his face against his shoulder.  He wanted Merlin look him in the eye with complete love and support.

He wanted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Told you this was sad. Don't worry, Steve does recover over the next chapters.


	12. First Steps

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve looks at some history

Steve did eventually look at the folders.  Fury had collected all the commando’s plus Phillips, Peggy and Stark.  Most of them did very well for themselves. Dum Dum and Morita had both settled into single lives in Saline, California where they were within an hour of Morita’s parents.  At some point, both moved to Springfield, MA. He found out Gabe had ended up there, first as a soldier and then an administrator at Westover during the Cold War. Gabe left kids and a couple of grandkids in the area still.  All three were buried with honors. 

Colonel Phillips had retired shortly after the war, but his son had taken up the call and a grandson after him.  Colonel Chester Phillips had died with 7 grandchildren at the age of 92. The old grouch had stayed with SHIELD in its infancy in New Jersey and then retired to Boston.  Steve liked to think the other commandos had kept an eye on the man.

Dernier returned to France, but SHIELD lost track of him shortly after something called the Treaty of Paris.  There was a note that some of the work in the Algers looked like his, but they never did locate him again. Falsworth returned to Britain and lived within a stone’s throw of Peggy’s current address until his death in 1985.  His daughter was still there and Steve saw her on the list of visitors Peggy received routinely.

Peggy’s file was the least transparent, but she did work for SSR and SHIELD up until the last 1980’s.  Her son and nephew’s family were still in New York, but Peggy and her daughter returned to Britain after the death of her husband.  Her current address was a nursing home in England.

Prior to moving back, she apparently worked with Stark a lot.  The man somehow ended up with a wife, Steve had no clue how that worked, and a kid, Anthony.  The man he remembered shouldn’t have been in charge of a puppy, let alone a child, kid must be a mess.  Especially when Steve read about the Starks’ deaths in 1991, when Anthony would have been only 21. Like Peggy, Stark had been involved with SHIELD from the ground up and then at some point shortly after his son’s birth, he’d separated and become a consultant only.  There was no reason listed. It left Steve feeling off, like there were pages missing in the ending of a book.

Bucky’s file remained unopened.  Steve knew what happened there and he wasn’t ready to read it in black and white.  Maybe at some point, he would, but right now he couldn’t. 

Instead he focused on the technology briefing.  The “computer” was a thin flat machine that felt way too fragile.  It took him nearly 10 minutes to unfold it, and promptly break it in half because apparently it didn’t unfold all the way.  Deciding to deal with that later, he reviewed the map he’d been left and grabbed his coat. Walking, at least, hadn’t changed much.

Although it wasn’t where he’d grown up, Steve knew the part of Brooklyn he was in.  Hell, he’d bee all over the city as a kid. Although there was a closer library, Steve wanted to head home a bit, so he wandered towards Highland Library in Bensonhurst.  The library was incredible. All these book were everywhere. And in Brooklyn too! Golly!

He wandered the aisles of books for a while, just running his hands over all the available books.  Eventually he asked one of the workers for stories on King Arthur and Camelot. Steve remembered some from school, but he wanted to see it again now that he remembered.  The man he spoke with was a bit older than he was, but didn’t mind helping him and then sitting down to introduce him to the computers in the library. 

He told the man, Harry, that he didn’t want to talk about why he didn’t know about computers, but Harry seemed perfectly happy to chat as they went through how to turn the machine on and some basics about its function.  Steve vaguely remembered some such devices during the war, but the term computer, usually referred to a person, mostly a dame, who did hard maths. 

Steve ended up staying until closing, talking with Harry.  The man was really kind. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is really short, but the next chapter had to be broken the way it was. I'm not happy with this, maybe it should have been part of the previous chapter? Next chapter is awesome, but I couldn't combine the two. I have a few little bits to finish so I'll post next week.


	13. Goodnight Moon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve picks himself back up

Steve went back to the library the next day and actually did some research.  First he double checked the information available to the public about himself, Steve Rogers.  The common photo and video he could find were out of focus enough that as long as word didn’t get out that he lived, it was enough to keep him from being recognized.  The museum pieces were better focused and he should probably not visit if he wanted to stay unnoticed.

Then he left the life of Steve Rogers to one side and started research into Camelot.  The stories were varied, but most agreed Arthur married Gwenie. Gwenie betrayed him with Lancelot and then died too.  Nothing is spoken of her child. Nothing is really spoken of the fall of Camelot, in fact, the internet seemed to agree that Camelot didn’t even exist.  To say nothing of finding out what really happened to the actual people. The rumors of Merlin varied wildly between simple advisor to immortal godlike being.  And everything in between. Steve could only hope the truth was happier and fulfilling for his love.

Steve closed the window and stared at the blue that was the default screen for the computer.  He must have stared too long because suddenly a book was placed over the keyboard. Steve looked up at Harry.  The man was smiling at him.

“Harry?”

The man smiled that shy smile Steve had learned meant the man had a suggestion.  He looked at the book.

“My mom reads that when I go to sleep.”  He smiled. “It has to be read out loud.”

Steve blinked as Harry walked away.  Looking down, he picked up the book.

Back at his apartment, he looked at the blank notepad.  He hadn’t been able to draw since he woke up. It was the first thing Steve had asked for, but he hadn’t put down a single line.   The stack of folders next to the pad on the desk stared desolately back.

He opened the book.

_In the great green room_

_There was a telephone_

Steve stopped and frowned.  This was clearly a children’s book.  Why would Harry give this to him?

_And a red balloon_

_And a picture of_

_The cow jumping over the moon_

This was ridiculous.  Steve shut the book and lay back in a huff.  It was silly.

The next day, Steve devoted some time to familiarizing himself with SHIELD and the folders Fury had sent over.  A new computer arrived and Steve managed to avoid breaking this one. He brought himself up to date on SHIELD policy and started on the historical curriculum they recommended.

That night he lay on his bed with the sounds of war running through his ears as the bloody history of the US displayed a singular lack of avoidance when it came to war on the part of the politicians, but an extreme avoidance to the draft by the hypocrites.  The duplicity churned his stomach and scarred his gut as both a soldier in a war and a king.

_And there were three little bears sitting on chairs_

_And two little kittens_

_And a pair of mittens_

Steve alternated the next few days between reading more on history and organizing his apartment.  He went to the corner store for supplies. Greta, the cashier, willingly spent two hours discussing prices and the history behind them with him.  She helped him find things that would make his life easier in the kitchen and even went as far as to work with him on the microwave. She also was the person who gave him the reason he would use moving forward for his lack of knowledge, Amish.

Steve had known Amish during the war.  Many worked in medical tents to avoid fighting.  There had been one young boy, James, that Steve had gotten to know.  They had talked about faith and how this war and all the evil they encountered affected their faith.  Steve missed him.

Greta had assumed he was Amish, he decided it was a better explanation than ‘I’m a resurrected World War II soldier’.  She was endlessly kind and helpful. Steve wondered if she would be willing to come over for tea and cocoa once he understood the stove a bit better.

_And a little toy house_

_And a young mouse_

Steve finished the assigned reading from Fury in a few days.  He’d gone into the internet for more historical information and found a deluge.  One day he found himself trying to read seven different stories on Wikipedia at the same time when he shut his laptop in frustration.  Instead he poured himself a glass of milk and stared at the vanity in his bedroom. Even shaving was complicated now. He missed the simple tools.

He missed his mother.

_And a comb and a brush and a bowl full of mush_

_And a quiet old lady who was whispering “hush”_

Gradually, Steve created a routine for the week.  His bank account was full and he was apparently drawing pay from the military at the moment.  He let that go in favor of getting his feet under him. He found a gym nearby and he returned to the library on a regular basis.  He found a few museums to supplement his historical research and a few restaurants to haunt for a beer and food.

_Goodnight room_

_Goodnight moon_

He never was a hoarder in any sense, but he gathered little things here and there.  Ticket stubs from the museums and bar napkins filled an envelope on his desk. Next to his bed was a revolving book stack, usually with a children’s book recommended by Harry.  Basic breakfast foods filled the pantry and he’d started collecting items needed to make cozonac as Winifred had taught him.

_Goodnight cow jumping over the moon_

_Goodnight light_

_And the red balloon_

History slowly righted itself as Steve came to terms with decisions made during his absence.  The atomic bomb scared him, but then the Cold War and the conflicts over communism, it was like the world forgot how much people accomplished when they worked together even through diversity and difference of opinions.  Russia became an enemy, the middle east became the land of savagery and the US helped dictators instead of toppling them.

But individual equality rose sharply, both for negros and dames.  Actually for African descent and women. He’d been informed the previous terms were not to be used anymore.  Many government supports were also in place to help people like his Ma or the Barnes family. The Great Depression had taught America a lot and Steve hoped it meant he’d never had to watch a family starve one child to save another again.

_Goodnight bears_

_Goodnight chairs_

_Goodnight kittens_

_And goodnight mittens_

Greta became a veritable fount of information.  She seemed to have endless patience for Steve’s questions.  When she wasn’t running the cash register at the store, she could usually be found somewhere in the store working on something.  Apparently most of her time was spent studying for her teaching certificate as a history teacher while she helped her brother in the store since their mother passed.  They had enough money to send her back to school again next year, but until then, she was in the store. Steve helped with any lifting when he was around and Greta repaid him with recipe cards.

Harry kept suggesting books for Steve to read, mostly children’s books.  After finally reading Goodnight Moon and falling right asleep, Steve was happy to try his suggestions.  It also made Harry happy. Carl, one of the other librarians took him aside at one point to thank him for being so kind to Harry.  Steve pointed out that it was Harry who overflowed with kindness, Steve simply listened. Carl had given him a very sad smile and explained that most people were too caught up in their lives to deal with someone with something called Down Syndrome.  Steve hadn’t known what that was, but he promised that Harry was one of his friends, even if he was a bit off beat.

_Goodnight clocks_

_And goodnight socks_

_Goodnight little house_

_And goodnight mouse_

At the gym Steve met three vets; Jason, Kerry and Karen.  They had interrupted his punching routine one day to drag him to the mats.  They didn’t spar. Kerry led them through a series of moves that you held in place for a count of ten before continuing to the next one.  Karen and Jason did it too and Steve didn’t feel quite so sissy for it. Gradually, they started to talk as they went through the series. Karen and Kerry were twins who had entered the marines together.  Kerry was an instructor now, but Karen’s sniper career had been cut short when an injury to her shoulder threw off her aim. Jason had been navy, retired at this point, with two grown kids. None of them dug into Steve’s past but he gradually let himself talk about things in his normal life that bothered him, like how complicated shaving appeared.  Jason offered up pointers.

_Goodnight comb_

_And goodnight brush_

Steve slowly collected pictures of his friends in the past and today.  The files came with pictures and several of them were famous as Commandos, which helped.  Maria Hill found him a picture of Erskine and Dernier, since there didn’t seem to be any on the internet.  It took him a lot of work to find a picture of Stark without his stupid press smile. He finally found one where the engineer was sitting with his son displaying a motorcycle the kid supposedly build at age 6.  

No pictures of his mother survived.

_Goodnight nobody_

_Goodnight mush_

_And goodnight to the old lady whispering “hush”_

It took Steve six weeks to pick up his pad and start actually drawing.  The first day he drew Harry at the library. Harry loved it and insisted on getting a copy.  Steve drew Greta next, she was less amused. Apparently he drew her too ugly. He slowly added pictures of Jason, Kerry, his neighbors, Karen, Carl, Hill and other people he saw.  One day he was by the water when he noticed that his drawing looked like Gwen.

He’d stopped, unable to draw another line for fear he’d ruin it.  He drew landscape for a while, but gradually other faces snuck in when he wasn’t looking.  Lancelot and Gwaine, Percival and Elyan all populated his sketch pad. He never drew Merlin.  He just couldn’t. But now, every night he would read Goodnight Moon aloud and close his eyes and he could see Merlin, right there.

_Goodnight stars_

_Goodnight air_

_Goodnight noises everywhere_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am actually very proud of this chapter. Please please please let me know what you think of my use of Goodnight Moon!
> 
> Up Next: Steve finds Merlin...Tony...Whoever the hell he is!


	14. Found

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve Finds Merlin. He is not who he was expecting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I turned in my Masters Thesis!!!!!!!!! 93 technical document! Wahoo!!!!! Here is a celebration for us all!!

Steve had kept his distance from the files surrounding what Fury had called the Avengers Initiative.  Partly because, he wanted to get his head on straight before subjecting someone else to his decisions.  Partly, he was avoiding Tony Stark. He wasn’t sure why he was avoiding the billionaire son of his friend.  He was avoiding all the other surviving reminders, but he didn’t need to work with any of them so there was no real deadline otherwise.  

Eventually, he ended up following a whim.  Merlin would have rolled his eyes. He’d been out and about and knew Stark was building a tower downtown.  He heard a passing couple talk about it and Iron Man excitedly. Apparently Howard’s son hadn’t handled the sidelines as well as his father.  The man had created a metal suit of armor that could fly and then flew it right into battle. Between SHIELD, the media and what facts he could actually verify without the folders, Steve got opposite impressions about the man from people.

So the next person he saw who didn’t look lost, he asked about directions to the Stark Tower.

Turns out, it wasn’t hard to find.  For one thing, it was tall as fuck. For another, it had the word “STARK” on the side, which,  _ really _ ?  Steve had a new perspective on Arthur’s dick measuring contest now and he understood better Merlin’s complete derision of such things.  

Steve planted himself in a cafe with a good view.  Apparently he was being rather transparent, since the waitress commented on Iron Man and the percentage of people who sat where he sat to see the flying spectacle.  Steve simply shrugged and asked for tea. He’d tried coffee for the first time after he received the serum and decided it was disgusting. He hadn’t been able to have it before, the caffeine and his heart were a bad combination.  Now, he couldn’t even feel the caffeine and it was ridiculously bitter. 

He pulled up the internet on his phone as he waited.  A quick search for Tony Stark was enough. Some of the stuff he’d found when he’d looked into Howard’s death.  Then he found an article about the young genius making a robot of some sort. There was a picture of a 16-year-old kneeling next to what he assumed was a robot.  Or he did for the brief moment before he saw the face. 

He sat up suddenly, startling the waitress as she arrived with his tea.  He grabbed her wrist and pointed the phone at her.

“Can you make this bigger?”  

The waitress looked a bit freaked and belatedly he realized that grabbing a da-woman by the wrist could be seriously misconstrued.  “Please?” He begged as he let go. 

Gingerly, she took the phone and tapped and swiped at it a moment before handing it back to him mutely.  The screen was now focused on the young face. 

Steve felt his gut churn and he bolted for the trash as his breakfast returned.

He knew that face.

Merlin.

* * *

How Steve made it back to his apartment, he’d never know.  He vaguely recalled wandering the streets. He had seen Greta as he passed her store, but he couldn’t recall if he waved.  

Instead of worrying about it, he went for his stack of sketchbooks.  He hadn’t managed to draw Merlin still, but he’d done a few pieces of the warlock; eyes, lips, hair.  He pulled out a new pad and placed all the sketches together. There, in pieces, was his love. He opened his computer and pulled up the same picture from his phone.  The smiling teenager grinned at him from his screen. He set the computer next to his sketch pad.

Tony Stark was Merlin.

Steve just stared.  He’d known in some fashion that Merlin was immortal.  Hell, it had been the biggest worry he’d had about dying was leaving his lover to spend eternity losing everyone.  All that loss, over and over again.

Over and over.

Steve stared at Tony Stark’s eyes, his memory trying to jiggle something free.  He pulled out a sketchbook and draw Tony Stark as he was now, just the basics. He stared at it a moment.  Then he gave the man a larger, less clean-cut beard, added some weight to his jowls. He’d stared a few more moments before he saw it.  Add round glasses and lose some hair from the top.

Steve reached over to the picture he had of the man when he arrived in the US and set it next to the sketch.  Abraham Erskine. Merlin. Tony Stark. They were the same man.

Steve remembered meeting Erskine.

“ _ Do you want to kill Nazis? _ ”  That question had earned him Erskine’s respect.  Looking back, that entire interaction screamed Merlin and his crafty humor crossed with his subtle interrogation tactics.

_ “So, you want to go overseas. Kill some Nazis?” _  The man had practically given him a heart attack in the recruitment tent.  Just like Merlin did on a routine basis back in Camelot actually.

_ “I represent the Strategic Scientific Reserve.” _  First with Gaius, Merlin loved his science.  Steve could see where he’d fit in there.

_ “Queens. 73rd Street and Utopia Parkway. Before that, Germany. This troubles you?” _  He now wondered why Merlin had settled in Germany.  But at the time, Steve had been far more worried about the man knowing about him breaking the law than war-related racism.  

_ “No, it’s not the exams I’m interested in. It’s the five tries. But you didn’t answer my question. Do you want to kill Nazis?” _

_ “Is this a test?” _

_ “Yes.” _ Steve had been freaking out inside.  But Arthur could see his lover trying to suss something out.  That was how Merlin used to get a feel for new dignitaries, give them a question that everyone should answer one way, but the honorable few would answer the other.

_ “I don’t wanna kill anyone. I don’t like bullies. I don’t care where they’re from.” _  The respect in the man’s eyes had been more than a relief, it had been redemption.  Someone who actually saw him, instead of his frail body. Now, he wondered if there was fondness, even relief in Erskine’s eyes.

_ “Well, there are already so many big men fighting this war. Maybe what we need now is the little guy, huh? I can offer you a chance.” _

_ “I’ll take it.” _  He’d have agreed to almost anything to help, but maybe, somewhere, he’d known.  He’d trusted Merlin to once again give him what he needed to help his men.

_ “So where is the little guy from, actually?”  ”Brooklyn.”  _ The smile had been the creation of a joke.  Maybe Steve missed sadness at not being recognized flashing through his eyes?  Maybe Erskine was a reincarnation in some fashion and Merlin didn’t remember like Arthur hadn’t back then?  Steve couldn’t know.

Erskine’s thoughts, his support bolstered Steve, even to this day.  It stank of Merlin’s continuous backing, encouraging Arthur like Erskine inspired Steve.  So much so, that eventually even Steve had asked.

_ “Why me?” _

_ “I suppose that is the only question that matters.  So many people forget that the first country that the Nazi’s invaded was their own. You know, after the last war the… my people struggled. They… they felt weak. They felt small. And then Hitler comes along with the marching and the big show and the flags and the… and the… And he… he hears of me, my work and he finds me. And he says, "You." He says, "You will make us strong.  _

_ “Well, I am not interested. So he sends the head of HYDRA, his research division. A brilliant scientist by the name of Johann Schmidt. Now, Schmidt is a member of the inner circle and he’s ambitious. He and Hitler share a passion for occult power and Teutonic myth. Hitler uses his fantasies to inspire his followers. But for Schmidt, it is not fantasy. For him, it is real. He has become convinced that there is a great power hidden in the earth, left here by the Gods, waiting to be seized by a superior man. So when he hears about my formula and what it can do, he cannot resist. Schmidt must become that superior man.” _

_ “Did it make him stronger?” _

_ “Yeah. But, there were other effects. The serum was not ready. But more important, the man was not ready. The serum amplifies everything that is inside. So, good becomes great. Bad becomes worse. This is why you were chosen. Because a strong man, who has known power all his life, will lose respect for that power. But a weak man knows the value of strength, and knows compassion.” _

That explanation had helped Steve.  It gave Steve a sense of contentment, of prophecy, of...inevitability.  Like when he’d been made crown prince and then King of Camelot. It was both expected and honored for him to stand there.  His heart could have burst from his chest at the trust shown of him. The same feeling had bloomed in his breast from Erskine.

“ _ Whatever happens tomorrow, you must promise me one thing. That you will stay who you are. Not a perfect soldier, but a good man.” _

He stared at Tony Stark.  

_ A good man _

He looked around his apartment.  Sure he’d been slowly settling in, but had he reclaimed Steve?  Arthur? Who had he helped? Who was he prepared to help? 

_ A good man _

It had taken him a week to even start those files.  He could only do the most basics on the computer. Forget weapons of the now, he had barely been proficient with the weapons of 1940s, save his shield.

_ A good man _

His lover would need a soldier.  That had always been their partnership; Warrior and mage, King and advisor, Soldier and Scientist.  Steve was the doer. Tony or Merlin or whatever he wanted to call himself got the info and formed the plan.  Steve set the goal and accomplished the plan.

_ A good man _

Two sides of a coin.  Steve had to get ready.  He had to learn all he could about this era.  He had to practice in this new body with all the weapons SHIELD could train with.  He’d locate his shield. 

_ A good man _

He’d find people to help on the streets.  Learn the current system to help the poor and the bullied.  He’d find veterans to reach out to, start forming connections.  He’d help again.

_ A good man _

He’d do that.  When it was time to meet this man, he’d be ready to help.  He’d help Merlin come back from all the chaos. He’d be there for his lover just like the man had been there for him.

Steve looked out the window.

_ I’ll be ready, my Ambrosia _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know a bunch of you wanted to actually meet Tony, but I like the Avengers movie as a first meeting so next chapter they actually meet.
> 
> Also, autocorrect kept trying to "fix" Erskine to deerskin XD If you see one I missed please please please shout out!


	15. A Superhero Meet Cute

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve wanted to meet Tony Stark, but not like this. Still Stark would understand him, he was Merlin...right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Avengers movie. Yes most of the movie plot happens. I fully recommend watching this movie BEFORE reading this, I skip the beginning of the movie's plot since I"m following Steve and events will make a lot more sense if you've seen the movie.
> 
> Important: this is from Steve's point of view. All thoughts are Steve's

Steve was alone in the gym when he heard Fury approach.  Karen had given him a key. Each punch, he heard them. His demons came back again.  Some night were like this, when the past was too close and the friends too far. He still hadn’t approached Tony Stark.  

He heard the energy flying past him in the woods.  He forced his fists to cover the sound.

_I gotta put it in the water_

He took a deep breath, reminding himself he wasn’t surrounded by water.  He wasn’t frozen.

_I was made to serve you, Arthur_

He closed his eyes.

_You won’t be alone_

He opens his eyes again.

_Oh my god!  This guy is alive!_

He couldn’t get away.  They were swallowing him!

The bag flew across the gym.  Steve panted. He picked up another bag.  He had 6 of them for the night. Sometimes it took all 6 to silence the voices.

“Trouble sleeping?”  He didn’t look at Fury.

“Slept for 70 years, sir.” He snapped at the man, “Think I’ve had my fill.”  

“Then you should be out there celebrating.  Seeing the world.”

Steve sighed and started unwrapping his hands.  Fury wasn’t going to leave this alone.

“I went under, the world was at war, I wake up, they say we won. They didn't say what we lost.”  He could hear the bitterness. He’d lost far more than just the war. He’d lost so much.

“We've made some mistakes along the way.  Some very recently.”

Then Steve noticed the file.  

“You here with a mission, sir?”  Maybe that was what he needed. A purpose, or the very least a distraction to quiet the voices.  Suppress the memories. A break from the training.

“I am”

“Trying to get me back in the world?”  He’d lost his love, twice now. At least he got some time with Merlin.  Maybe he could again, he just didn’t know.

“Trying to save it.”  So a purpose then. Maybe a way to feel worthy of Merlin.  Tony! He needed to remember his lover was now called Tony Stark.  With all Tony Stark’s history.

Fury handed him a folder open to a picture he recognized all too well.

“Hydra's secret weapon.”  And the bane of his existence. Apparently it couldn’t stay at the bottom of the ocean like a good little artifact.

“Howard Stark fished that out of the ocean when he was looking for you.” _Of course he did, the idiot_ ! “He thought what we think, the Tesseract could be the key to unlimited sustainable energy. That's something the world sorely needs.”  And a mission might be exactly what _he_ needed.  

“Who took it?”  Because there was no other reason to call him in.

“He's called Loki. He's not from around here. There's a lot we'll have to bring you up to speed on if you're in. The world has gotten even stranger than you already know.”

“At this point, I doubt anything would surprise me.” _Including reincarnation apparently._  He wondered if Fury had thought of that.

“Ten bucks says you're wrong. There's a debriefing package waiting for you back at your apartment.”  Because of course basic courtesy like not entering someone’s apartment when they are out wasn’t one of Fury’s strong suits.  Still, if the damn thing’s been unearthed, time to protect the world from it, _again_.  “Is there anything you can tell us about the Tesseract that we ought to know now?”

“You should have left it in the ocean.”

* * *

Meeting Agent Coulson had been awkward as helping Morgana through puberty.  Still, Steve could appreciate that the handler guarded him when he was vulnerable.  He’d have to find time to ask what had pulled the man away for his wake up.

Once they landed on the helicarrier Coulson handed him off to Agent Romanoff.  Natasha reminded him of someone, but he couldn’t put his finger on who.  

Meeting Dr Banner, though, that was no brainer.  Lancelot was still a soft-spoken, wise-ass. He’d gotten the briefing on Banner’s transformation, and watching the shoulders twitch, he could see anger there that hadn’t been there with Lance.  The same caution in greeting as they shook hands though. He couldn’t help but try to reach out to the old friend, even if the man showed no recognition. That was when he tracked down what Natasha reminded him of.  When he’d first gotten to know Gwen, she’d been quiet, competent, and a good friend. Natasha reminded him of Gwen, though if she was her reincarnation, Steve had better be on his toes.  

Of course all this had fled his head when the carrier took off.

As it disappeared and lifted itself above the clouds, Steve’s only thought was, _he really owed Fury a tenner_.

* * *

Most of the activity on the helicarrier bridge went right over his head.  He was glad to be told to grab his gear and head to Germany. The fight in Germany both centered him and freaked him out a bit.  An enemy was good. In all his life( _lives_?) a good bout with an enemy was nice, clean even.

However, the spangles on his uniform drove him nuts.  First, he felt a bit like a dancing monkey again. Second, his old uniform had been actually useful.  It had mobility, protection, space... _pockets_!  He felt almost naked.  At least the shield was back in his hands.  It felt better than Excalibur. A shield felt more right, he was a protector, not a weapon.

Despite this, Loki was winning on so many levels.  The beat down barely seemed to phase the magician and he took special vindictive glory in placing his stick on Steve’s head when the super soldier was kneeling from a blow.  Another blow knocked him practically out of the running and he was just starting to think they’d picked the wrong person for this fight and he wouldn’t live to tell them when he heard rock music take over the plaza and a missile plowed into Loki.  He had to admit the fire power was impressive.

“Make your move Reindeer Games.”  At the metal voice, Steve swallowed.  He had to remind himself that this wasn’t his lover.  He wasn’t Arthur anymore and Tony wasn’t Merlin.

“Mr Stark.”

* * *

Steve locked down Loki before joining Stark at the head of the cabin.  Stark turned from his conversation with Natasha and Steve got his first in-person look without the helmet.  

Christ, he was still the best thing he’d ever seen, even if he looked rather different.  He could see some of Howard in his face, but that would imply that Merlin had died.  Maybe the bullet that hit Erskine really did kill him?  Steve had way too many unanswered questions.

Instead of asking them with an audience, Steve forced himself to listen to the mad ramble coming out of his mouth. If nothing else, Tony'd retained Merlin’s tendency to ramble nonsense.  The familiarity of it grated on his nerves a bit.

“Fury didn’t tell me he was calling you in.”

“Yeah, there’s a lot of things Fury doesn’t tell you.”  Stark’s retort had Steve’s hackles up. The trouble was, he wasn’t sure whether it was at Stark for the irreverent quips or at Fury, because if Merlin didn’t like someone, Steve didn’t like someone.   _And he was Stark, Dammit_!

Steve forced his attention back to the problem at hand, especially when their passenger shifted at the approaching storm front.

“Scared of a little lightning?”

“I’m not overly fond of what follows.” Loki’s dry response had alarm bells going off in Steve’s head.  Steve was gratified to see Stark look his way at that. Anything that made Loki nervous was worth note.  The jarring jolt of the plane reinforced the idea as Stark grabbed his helmet. Then the idiot opened the drawbridge.

_Merlin and his infernal curiosity_!

The new arrival landed and struck him squarely, tossing him against Steve as Steve tried to keep the metal man from hitting the cockpit and probably causing a crash.  Then, after the new arrival and their prisoner left the plane, _in mid-air_.  

“Stark!  We need a plan of attack!”   _Please, for once in your life, don’t go in on impulse.  Think things through, plan_.

“I have a plan.  Attack!” And Stark jumped after the powerhouses.

That was _not_ what he meant!

Steve grabbed a parachute so he could follow the idiot.  In any life, Merlin caused him grey hairs.

* * *

At least Stark could take care of himself.  Steve found the two pounding each other into the ground in the middle of a forest.  Steve was tempted to let them wear themselves out, but they had a mission to complete.  While the light show earlier had directed him to the two titans, he was uncertain where their prisoner had ended up.  Plus all the power focused on Merlin shoved his heart into his throat, but there was that.

A quick throw of his shield got their attention and Steve was thankful Stark trusted him enough to disarm when the man identified the thrower.  But Thor’s temper was beyond talking, to the order of childish tantrum. Stark tried to warn him. That really made Steve happy.

It was second nature to put his shield up against Thor’s hammer.  Steve trusted the shield. Even if it did make all their ears ring.  At least it cooled the tempers enough to collect Loki and return to the helicarrier.

* * *

Steve helped secure Loki before heading to the bridge with Thor.  Stark had to shed his armor before joining them. When he did join, he brought breath of air Steve hadn’t known he was holding.  He hadn’t seen Merlin as an older man, but he’d met Balinor and Erskine of course. He could see some of the older dragon lord in Howard’s face on Tony.  It almost put Loki’s taunting out of his mind. Stark joked and pranced about and Steve remembered when Merlin would do so about their room. Or about the council chambers to distract from what he was really doing:  Allowing his magic to perform various tasks. Nothing in the room was outside his view.

Like the guy playing Galaga, whatever that was.

Stark also knew more about what was going on than anyone else, like Merlin.  Listening to him talk, Steve got the impression that the media portrayal of his high intellect wasn’t just hype.  In fact, it might be seriously understated. Steve had finally memorized Stark’s education and Thermonuclear Astrophysics wasn’t on the list.  Furthermore, Steve had read-ish the papers left by Selvig and gotten a scientist in SHIELD to explain some of it to him. Stark learned this in a night?  The man actually understood the papers! Better, it seemed, than Dr Banner, who was a foremost expert in the radiation this thing gave off.

Irreverence aside, why hadn’t Stark been in on this research from the get go?

Ignoring that train of thought for a moment, Steve circled them back around.  If he understood Stark correctly, Loki needed a power source. That he could work with, “Does he need any specific kind of power?”  This was more familiar ground, leading Merlin towards a goal rather than wandering through the lands of fanciful curiosity for time eternal.

That sparked a conversation between Stark and Banner that went way over Steve’s head, and that of most of the rest of the room if the facial expressions were anything to judge from.  Steve wondered if he could even keep up or be worth anything to this Merlin. Stark had called his conversation with Banner ‘English’. It certainly wasn’t any English Steve or Arthur had ever learned.

Sounded like gibberish.

Then Stark shook Banner’s hand.

“You're work on anti-electron collisions is unparalleled. And I'm a huge fan of the way you lose control and turn into an enormous green rage monster.”  Steve recognized the look on Stark’s face. It was a look he’d seen on Merlin’s face. It was interest and loyalty and even attraction. It was focused on Banner.  

Well, Steve had known Lancelot and Merlin were close.

Feeling like he’d swallowed a rock, Steve turned back to Fury and the conversation, hoping he had something useful to add.  Which was why he made an absolute fool of himself when he actually recognized a cultural reference to the Wizard of Oz.

He could feel Stark’s eyes roll from here and part of him shriveled a bit.

* * *

He gave himself thirty minutes before tracking Stark down.  Of course he came in to see him flirting with Banner by metaphorically pulling his pigtails.

“Are you nuts!”  Not an idle question considering he was teasing the Hulk, even if Steve did ask it to get Stark’s attention.

“Jury’s out.”   _Now that sounded like Merlin_ .  “You really have got a lid on it, haven’t you?” _Aaaand back to flirting with Banner.  You’d think the man was made of gold or something._

“Is everything a joke to you?”

“Funny things are.”  Stark’s quip was irreverent and Steve felt himself falling into a familiar role of banter..

“Threatening the safety of every person on this ship isn’t funny.”  Belatedly he remembered the third person in the room and how irritating him may not be wise.  It was, in fact, why he was scolding Stark, “No offense, Doc.”

Banner obviously wanted out of this conversation.  Unfortunately his response drew Starks attention.

“You’re tip-toeing, big man.  You need to strut.” _Oh no, they did NOT need that kind of variable thrown in this crazy situation.  One crazy bag of cats was enough, thank you_.

“And you need to focus on the problem, Mr Stark.”  Steve’s scolding was ignored as ever. He had forgotten how much Merlin ignored more than half of what he said on a good day.

“You think I’m not?  Why did Fury call us and why now? Why not before? What isn't he telling us? I can't do the equation unless I have all the variables.”  Stark raised a good point on not knowing everything. He thought Fury was hiding something. Steve believed him, if only because he trusted Stark a hell of a lot more than Fury.  “He's a spy. Captain, he's the spy. His secrets have secrets. It's bugging him too, isn't it?”

Bruce’s response when they both looked at him told Steve of his agreement, but he needed elaboration.

“‘A warm light for all mankind’.  Loki’s jab at Fury about the cube.  I think that was directed at you.” Banner nodded at Stark.  Stark rewarded his insight with an offering of his food. Steve was still confused though.  “Even if Barton didn’t tell Loki about the tower, its still all over the news.”

“The Stark Tower?  That big ugly…” Steve recognized _that_ glare as 100% offended Merlin. Steve hastily changed his next words, “-building in New York?”

“Its powered by the arc reactor, a self sustaining energy source.  That building will run itself for what, a year?” Banner admiration told Steve how much of an accomplishment that actually was.

“Its just a prototype.”  Stark turned to Steve, clearly hoping for some sort of response from Steve.  “I’m kinda the only name in clean energy right now. That’s what he’s getting at.”

Suddenly Steve is reminded of the thought he had on the bridge as Banner asked the question, “So, why didn’t SHIELD bring him in on the Tesseract project?  What are they even doing in the energy business in the first place?”

Steve was becoming more and more uncomfortable with SHIELD and Fury, the more he saw.

“I should probably look into that once my decryption programmer finishes breaking into all of SHIELD's secure files.”  

_Wait, what_?  “I’m sorry, did you say…”  Steve had to work to keep from gritting his teeth.

“JARVIS has been running it since I hit the bridge.” _Oh great, good way to make friends and allies, you idiot_.  “In a few hours we'll know every dirty secret SHIELD has ever tried to hide.  Blueberry?” He didn’t know who Jarvis was, but he could see where that wouldn’t be good, especially if he was caught.

Though, this could be one explanation why he wasn’t called in on the tesseract project.  Was there anything Stark couldn’t learn or figure out? Merlin had been smart, a great apprentice to Gaius, and the most powerful Warlock then, and since if the legend was to be believed, but this was beyond the pale.  Steve hoped he got the chance to learn more from him, about him. However, they did have a far more pertinent issue at the moment.

“We have orders, we should follow them.”

“Following’s not really my style.”  Stark popped a blueberry into his mouth with a smirk and Steve was forcibly reminded that he hadn’t any kind of authority over this man.

“And you’re all about style?”

“Of the people in this room, which one is; A. wearing a spangly outfit, and B. not of use?” _Ouch_ , Steve had hit a nerve there and unlike in the past, Stark had retaliated in kind.  The banter felt good, if a bit biting, until Banner broke in.

“Steve, tell me none of this smells funky to you.”  Banner was right, they were all in danger. Stark included.  This wasn’t the time for this. Steve never seemed to have the time for this.  He swore if they made it out of this situation alive, he was going to fucking make the time.

“Just find the cube!”  Steve stormed out. Despite the banter feeling good, a sense of right, Steve missed the support that used to follow.  But Stark didn’t know him. Steve felt that loss keeningly.

His superior hearing caught Stark’s remark to Banner, “That’s the guy my dad never shut up about.  I’m wondering if they shouldn’t have kept him on ice.” Steve walked away, he’d heard enough. That jab had hurt, more than any other he’d heard today.

But Merlin had given his soul to Arthur and Erskein had given his everything to Steve.  It was time to give something back. He’d find proof. He’d back Stark’s play and stand with him, like Merlin had always backed his, even when it was wacky.

Then, maybe he’d get the chance to talk to Stark.

* * *

He returned just in time to hear Fury verbally attack Stark and Banner.  They held their own, but why let them go out on a limb alone. Besides there was a hole burning in his gut from seeing the hydra weapons.

“Phase 2 is SHIELD uses the Tesseract to make weapons.”  Steve looked at Tony, who looked both pleased and irritated.  “Sorry, the computer was moving a bit slow for me.”

“Rogers, we gathered everything related to the Tesseract. This does not mean that we're…”  Fury’s pathetic attempt to placate things derailed when Stark supported Steve’s play.

“I’m sorry, Nick.  What were you lying?” It felt so good to suddenly be on the same side of an argument again.  Nothing could stand up to them when they were together. Banner was on their side and it felt like old times a bit.

“I was wrong, Director. The world hasn't changed a bit.” Steve was seething.  Fury had lied to him. He was putting Stark at risk. At that moment Thor and Natasha walk into the lab. Natasha kept her eyes right on Banner. Banner looked at her.

“Did you know about this?”  Banner’s pissed question drew attention.

“You wanna think about removing yourself from this environment, doctor?”  Natasha’s deflection didn’t go very far with the incensed man.

“I was in Calcutta, I was pretty well removed.”  Banner had a point. They brought him in, SHIELD should take responsibility for this lie.

“Loki's manipulating you.”

“And you've been doing what exactly?”  Banner’s retort back gave Steve greater insight into Banner’s personality behind the self-effacing persona he put on.  A personality that only Stark seemed to coax out yet.

Natasha didn’t lose a beat.  “You didn't come here because I bat my eyelashes at you.”  

“Yes, and I'm not leaving because suddenly you get a little twitchy. I'd like to know why SHIELD is using the Tesseract to build weapons of mass destruction.”  Absolute silence met Banner’s statement. Everyone turned to Fury. He was the ruler, the leader here, it was his question to answer.

“Because of him.”  Fury pointed at Thor.  Steve blinked in confusion.  He wasn’t even aware they’d even met.  Wasn’t the Demi-god from another planet?

Thor mirrored Steve’s confusion.  “Me?”

“Last year earth had a visitor from another planet who had a grudge match that leveled a small town. We learned that not only are we not alone, but we are hopelessly, _hilariously_ , outgunned.”  Steve blinked at that.   _Wait-a-minute!  The “he made me do it” defense didn’t work as a 5-year-old, why did a grown man think it should work now_?  

“My people want nothing but peace with your planet.”

“But you're not the only people out there, are you? And you're not the only threat. The world's filling up with people who can't be matched, they can't be controlled.”  Fury’s retort was the sound of dictators from the ages. ‘ _The savages couldn’t be allowed to continue.  I had to do it_ .   _Only I had the will to control the power._ ’  Steve felt sick.  Fury sounded like Schmidt.

“Like you controlled the cube?”

Thor seemed similarly incensed.  “You're work with the Tesseract is what drew Loki to it, and his allies. It is the signal to all the realms that the earth is ready for a higher form of war.”  

Okay, that threat drew Steve’s attention fast. “A higher form?”

“You forced our hand. We had to come up with something.”  Fury’s response worried Steve, but not quite as much as Thor’s at this point.

“Nuclear deterrent. Cause that always calms everything right down.”  Tony’s quip drew attention when Fury tried to blame the weapons on Thor.  Sounded like a bunch of posturing.

“Remind me again how you made your fortune, Stark?”  

Steve glowered at Fury.  A higher form of war sounded like more men dying and Fury sniped at _Stark_ about it?  “I’m sure if Stark were still in Weapons, Stark would be neck-deep-” _in this, but he got out, so don’t pin this on him_.  Steve didn’t get the chance to finish that thought.  Stark had gotten out of weapons, he was helping people and Fury was mad about that?

Ironically the subject he was defending interrupted in irritation.  “Wait wait, hold on, how is this now about me?”

“I’m sorry, isn’t everything.”  That came out a bit more catty that he’d intended

“I thought humans were more evolved than this.”   _Okay Thor, that was uncalled for!_

“Excuse me, do we come to your planet and blow stuff up?”   _Point for the spy._  Steve was getting caught up in the argument.

“You treat your champions with such mistrust.” _Oh totally agree with Thor!  What are they even doing!?!_

“Are you boys that naive?  SHIELD monitors potential threats.” _Seriously!  Naive? Lady, I’ve fought in more wars and battles you can count and lived 2 lives.  Naive ain’t me!_

“Captain America’s on threat watch?”  

“They aren’t my champions!”

_No kidding, why would I fight for such a sleazy dictator.  And I thought Hitler was bad!_

“Are you above or below angry bees?” _Bees?!?  Okay, this is beyond stupid!  I can be threatening if they want threatening!_

“Stark, so help me god, if you make one more wisecrack…” _I’ll shut you up hard!_

“Threat!  Verbal threat, I feel threatened!” 

_Oh, you haven’t been threatened yet!  I’ll show you threat, you arrogant pipsqueak!_ “Show some respect!”   _Or I’ll teach it to you!_

“Respect what?!?”   _I’ll find something to throw at you.  A day on the stocks, or a whole week might teach you some manners!_  Steve seethed, firing right back at Stark as the man fired back at him.  

“You speak of control, yet you court chaos,”  Thor wasn’t wrong. Banner said it more succinctly.

“We’re a chemical mixture that makes chaos. We’re-we’re a time bomb”

Fury had to throw gasoline on that fire.  “You need to step away.”

“Why shouldn’t the guy let off a little steam.”

Merlin, Stark, whoever the hell he was was definitely on Banner’s side. _Dammit stop flirting with him!  I’m your lover, you idiot!_ “You know damn well why, now back off!”

“Oh I’m starting to want you to make me!” And that sounded like Merlin too. What had he said? _‘I could take you down with less.’_

“Big man in a suit of armor.  Take that off, what are you?”

“Genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist.”   _None of which I’m either able to keep up with or of any use to.  Fuck you!_

“I know guys with none of that worth ten of you.” _And they’re all dead._ “I’ve seen the footage.  The only thing you really fight for is yourself.” _That hit a fucking nerve.  Your turn to feel that!_ “You’re not the guy to make the sacrifice play.  To lay down on a wire and let the other guy crawl over you.”   _They went to war.  They died in war! Not rich brats like you.  Not privileged arrogant asses like you._

“I think I would just cut the wire.”   _Are you making fun of them?  Are you seriously throwing away their sacrifice?  You. Fucking. Asshole! Can you see that you’re alone here?  No one else is on your side!_

“Always a way out.”  Steve grinned as Stark shifted at that. “You know you may not be a threat, but you’d better stop pretending your a hero.” _No shit!  I mean- wait what?  What the-_

“A hero?  Like you? You’re a laboratory experiment, Rogers.  Everything special about you came out of a bottle!” _I have my own worth!  I’m not nothing without Merlin and I certainly don’t need you!_

“Put on the suit. Lets go a few rounds.”   _I’ll show you special, you arrogant pipsqueak!_

Thor’s laugh jolted Steve out of his haze of red.   _What was he even doing?_  He glanced at Stark to see him rub him head.  Why were they fighting? He wanted to get closer to Stark not drive him away!  Steve glanced at Banner and saw the staff glow. As Banner argued with Fury’s placating responses, Steve tried to force the anger from his mind.

“I tried!”  Banner’s confession drove everything else from his mind.  “I got low. I didn’t see a way out, so I put a bullet in my mouth and the other guy spit it out.”  That woke Steve up fast. They were all spiraling in anger and there as no reason to. “You wanna know my secret, you want to know how I stay in control?”

Banner had the scepter in his hand.  Steve was suddenly very glad he was between Banner and Stark.  Even without his shield, he was better protected than Stark.

Beeping broke the tableau.  The genius brains had found the tesseract.  Stark turned to go get it, but no way was Steve letting him go on his own.  He cared way too much about the man.

_“You’re not going alone!”_

_“You gonna stop me?”_

_“Put on the suit, let’s find out!”_

_“I’m not afraid to hit an old man!”_

_“Put on the suit!”_

Didn’t stop them from sniping at each other.

The explosion did though.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you think? Are there any scenes that need more? It's hard to balance that when writing scenes from a movie
> 
> Also the argument is supposed to be a bit hard to follow, but did I over do it?


	16. Like Old Times

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Who knew that surviving an explosion could be such a teambuilding experience? 
> 
> The team rallies after the explosion.

Steve looked for Tony the instant his head cleared.  He’d dove for the man the second he heard the explosion, but they hadn’t connected.  He was glad to see his friend sit up just as he did.

“Put on the suit.”  It was amazing how the same words could mean something totally different.  Where before it was an ill-thought challenge, now it's an order to a teammate.

An order that reached through everything.  “Yep.”

As Steve helped Stark to his feet, he wondered if it was Stark or Merlin who had agreed with him.  Honestly, it probably wasn’t important. Stark had shown no recognition beyond the Captain America craze.  Not that Steve had given him any clear sign he’d remember either. He’d do that after this was all over.

He listened as Fury’s strength of command came through in spades.  Hill reported as efficiently as one of his own men, in either life.  The thought that this carrier could fall out of the sky was mildly frightening.  He was glad Stark sounded unphased, if hurried, by the news. He let Fury’s other orders flow over him to be aware of the general atmosphere on the carrier, but those engines were top priority and he was escorting the man who was supposed to fix them.

“Engine three, I’ll meet you there.”  Stark’s instructions were obeyed without much thought, but it occurred to him as he ran, _how_ was Stark going to arrive faster than he could run?

He had to trust his teammate, his friend.  They may not remember each other, and Stark may not know him yet, but Steve knew.  That was enough.

He cleared the injured out of the engine area so the genius could work.  He had just contacted Stark, wondering where the man was when he heard the sound of Iron Man flying in.

Stark was muttering to himself as he diagnosed the damage and began working his way through the steps needed.  He gave Steve a task to do as soon as possible. 

“I need you to get to that engine control panel and tell me which relays are in overload position.”  But one thing Stark had forgotten since being Merlin was how to simplify his instruction. He looked at the mess he was somehow supposed to fix.  This was why he was always impressed with how much Merlin put up with him.

He could barely recognize this chaos as a circuit.  “It seems to run on some sort of electricity.”

“Well, you’re not wrong.”  Tony’s response had Steve rolling his eyes.  All his work to update himself and he still wasn’t of much use.

Drawing on his experience working magic with Merlin and working science with Howard, he coaxed an understandable dialogue from Stark and they got everything set just in time to hear Stark say something that froze his blood.

“Even if I clear the rotors, this thing won't re-engage without a jump. I'm gonna have to get in there and push.”  Steve didn’t understand all of that, but the word ‘Push’ was clear as a bell.

“You’ll be shredded!”

Stark started to babble more science speak at him, but his fear for the man’s safety couldn’t allow him to filter any of it.  He wanted clear simple directions.

“Speak English!”

“You see that red lever? It'll slow the rotors down long enough for me to get out. Stand by it, wait for my word.”

That he could do.

He’d protect his teammate.

A process made harder by the addition of gunfire.  Oh and the floor suddenly falling didn’t help either.  He heard Fury reach out to Stark, letting him know they were falling, _ as if they wouldn’t notice! _   Steve rolled his eyes, he’s so glad Merlin is still pulling miracle saves out of his metal hat in this day and age!

Gunfire forced him to back up until he lost his footing.  Desperate to not lose another friend to a fall, he grabbed a cord frantically, hoping it was attached.

“Cap, pull the lever!”   _ Shit _

“A little busy here!”  He was pulling himself up to the platform as fast as he could.

“The leverrrrrr.  Nowwwwww!” 

Steve pushed his arms to their limit.  He’d just reach the grating when he heard a soft, “Uh oh”

The next few moments were hard as he listened to his friend get rolled and shredded in the engine.  He could hear Stark mutter the occasional ‘Help’, but otherwise the man seemed to be gritting his teeth and waiting for him.  

Trusting him.

He pulled the lever.  It made him a target for the last gunman, but he pulled the damn lever.

And Stark took out the gunman.

* * *

Fury reported Coulson’s death across the radio, but Steve didn’t believe it.  Couldn’t believe it. He grabbed Stark’s wrist. Over his com, he demanded Coulson’s location.  Fury’s argument was ignored as he yanked Stark along roughly. He vaguely remembered Coulson heading to the detention wing.

They had just made it to the door before Fury finally admitted that was where he was.  Steve heard it in stereo as they rushed through the door. Steve saw the covered figure on the ground.  It had been barely 30 seconds. Merlin had the power to pull someone back from the breach before they crossed over.  He told Arthur once that he had several minutes before someone was too far gone. At the time, he said the limiting factor was what he could heal.  He could handle major wounds that he understood, but Tony Stark grew up in a world with more information. He would know more.

Steve tore the sheet off the body as he commanded privacy.  The medical personnel left immediately, their work already done anyway.  Stark left his armor as Steve glared compliance at the rest of the agents.  Even Fury eventually nodded in understanding. Steve had a mental timer going.  It had hit 60 seconds.

“Stark... Tony!”  

Once Merlin had yanked him back from the brink of death.  It had only been the sword forged in dragon’s breath that had kept him from Merlin’s magic in his final death.  

Once Erskine had given him a new body, a new life.  It was a plane that had taken him from this earth.

Tony Stark would not fail.

Steve pressed Tony’s hands to Coulson’s chest.  He looked at the white face. “Bring him back!”

Tony blinked and looked at him like he’d lost his mind.  Steve gritted his teeth and reminded himself that if Tony truly did not remember Merlin, then magic was just so much nonsense.  And Merlin himself had explained, with magic, it was the thought that counted.

“Listen to me.  Close your eyes.”

“Bu-”

“CLOSE THEM!”  Steve’s command had enough of a voice to spark obedience from the man.  “Think. The last time you saw him. The last time you spoke. The last thing he said.  Reframe that in your mind. That is gone! Its slipping away from your fingers. Can you grasp that?  Can you sense the threads?”

He could see tears start on Tony’s face as the man tensed to hide them and his shoulders trembled in grief.  Steve should know. He’d held Merlin through similar grief after the warlock pulled him from the brink.

“Those threads are slipping away, Tony.  He’s slipping away.” This would only work if Tony and Coulson had been as close as it appeared when they walked on the bridge together.  And if Tony truly didn’t have any control over his magic to restrict his use.

“NO!”  Tony’s eye opened at his pained shout.  Steve saw the familiar glow of magic swirl in Tony’s brown eyes before fainting.  

Steve felt for a pulse, first on Tony, since he would always be his priority, and then on Coulson.  The breath the man took was proof though.

Steve flicked on his earpiece and then picked up the genius.  “Send medics, Coulson’s alive.”

* * *

Tony came to as Steve set him gingerly on the chair around the conference table.  He looked pale. Fury stormed over, but instead of talking about the minor miracle Tony had just performed, he addressed them both.

“These were in Phil Coulson’s jacket.”  The deck of cards Coulson had asked him about earlier.  “I guess he almost never got you to sign them.” Fury flung them across the table in derision.  It was a punch to the gut. The blood on them, Phil died believing in him. Even if they brought him back, he did die. ”We’re dead in the air.  Our communications, the location of the cube, Banner, Thor…”

Steve stared at the bloody card of him smiling and waving.  A symbol of him promising things. Things like not failing. Things like winning.  Things like protecting. God he’d been young then.

Out of the corner of his eye he saw Tony slowly return his attention to the room, staring at his hands.  The guilt gnawing at Steve was likely reflected in his eyes on top of the forced magic Steve had him do.

“I got nothing for you.”  Fury’s sigh seemed to cut through them both.  “Lost my one good eye.”

Steve couldn’t speak.  This fight had started during an all-out brawl, a children’s tantrum on their part.  Yes, they were attacked, but they had barely worked together.

Fury swept around the table. “Yes, we were going to build an arsenal with the Tesseract.”  Steve looked up at Fury. “I never put all my chips on that number, though because I was playing something even riskier.”  The admission didn’t seem to slow Fury down, but it did draw Tony out of his self-imposed cloud of shock.

“There was an idea.  Stark knows this.” That got Tony’s attention and Steve was grateful to see him at least looking at the room again.  “Called the Avengers Initiative.”

“The idea was to bring together a group of remarkable people to see if they could become something more.”  Steve felt the echo of the past. “To see if they could work together when we needed them to, to fight the battles we never could.

_ “This table belonged to the ancient kings of Camelot. A round table afforded no one man more importance than any other. They believed in equality in all things. So, it seems fitting that we revive this tradition now. Without each of you, we would not be here.  Tomorrow, when you fight, you can stand proud knowing you are members of the most noble army the world has ever known.” _

Steve looked between Fury and Tony.  Merlin had believed in this once. He wasn’t sure Tony still did.  He wasn’t sure if Tony believed in much of anything any more. Just what had happened to Merlin?

“Phil Coulson was willing to give his life still believing in that idea.  In heroes.”

That had been enough for Tony.  Whether the magic or the death, Tony couldn’t take it.  He couldn’t even look at them. Steve watched as Fury watched the man leave the bridge, hunched over expecting a blow.  Steve could see naked worry on Fury’s face and wondered for a moment what their history was? Howard Stark had been a part of SSR that had borne SHIELD.  The chances of Fury knowing Tony as a child at least tangentially was high. Tony seemed to have forgotten that child though.

“Well, its an old fashioned notion.”

_ “With everything that about to come to light, the world might need a little old fashion.” _

Steve stared as Fury bent over the back of the chair.  Over the com Steve heard the medics confirm Coulson’s stable-but-coma status.  Fury acknowledged quietly. He looked at Steve.

“Do I want to know what you did?”

Steve met his gaze calmly.  He had been rethinking Fury since the argument.  Since he watched the man trust Tony Stark, a man all of whose training should have screamed not to trust.

“If you care about Tony at all you shouldn’t know.  We just hit his chest and he started breathing.”

Fury stared at him, hard.  Steve stood his ground. Tony had to reconcile the magic himself before he could do anything with it.  But even then, Steve had seen enough of this time to know that magic would be a curiosity to be taken advantage of, not let lie.

“Of course.  I will scold the medical team for not picking it up.”  The words were said slowly, as if their surety was in question, even by their creator.  Steve nodded and stood.

“Do we have any kind of plan?”  First things first. Make sure the world still existed tomorrow so that tomorrow he could try to talk to his star-crossed lover.

“Agent Romanov is with Agent Barton in Medical Bay 31.  He, hopefully will awaken soon and in complete control of his faculties.  Thor and Banner are MIA, though they are at least within a stone’s throw of the coast.  The original problem still exists, finding them. We can’t do anything without a location.”

Steve nodded.  He strode out of the bridge.  He knew they need to figure it out.  So he headed for the smartest person he knew, Tony.

* * *

Steve found Tony in the detention area.  He was staring at the hole that had been Loki’s cage.  One they had built for Banner. No, for Bruce. Tony had connected with the scientist, they’d bonded.  That made him important to Steve. After all this was over, he’d help Tony find the man.

For the moment right now, Steve needed to focus on Tony and getting his lover, no not lover.  Tony was his love, perhaps, but Steve couldn’t think of him as his lover. They weren’t lovers.  Not in this life.

Steve saw Tony glance at the bloodstain and swallow before looking over the void again.  “Is he married?”

Tony jumped slightly, but didn’t look his way.  “No. There is a uh... cellist, I think.” Tony seemed without even the energy to shrug.

“He seems a good man.”

Tony scoffed at Steve’s offered olive branch.  “He’s an idiot”

“Why?  Because he believed in heroes?”

Tony shook his head.  “He took on Loki alone.”

Steve blinked, confused.  “He was doing his job.”

“He was out of his league!”  Tony stormed away from the empty hole.  “He should have waited, should have…”

Now Steve recognized this.  This was fear. He’d seen it during battle before, often when someone died.  Tony was turning his fear of Coulson’s death and all it meant, into anger. Into something recognizable, something comfortable.  “Sometimes that’s their choice. Sometimes there  _ is _ no way out, Tony.”

Tony scoffed again, “Right.”  Tony stalked past him and Steve reached out to grab him.  He felt he couldn’t let Tony leave like this.

“Is this the first time you’ve lost a soldier?”  Steve knew this man wasn’t always on the forefront, but he’d thought Tony had at least seen battle.

“WE ARE NOT SOLDIERS!”  Tony’s outburst had Steve backing up a step.  Tony panted as his gaze returned to the bloodstain unavoidably.  “Did you tell him?”

Steve blinked at him in confusion.  Tony growled in annoyance and waved at the bloodstain.  “Whatever we did to Agent. Did you tell Fury?!?”

Steve shook his head.  “I figured we needed to handle Loki before talking about it.”

“I’m not marching to Fury’s fife!”

“Neither am I! He's got the same blood on his hands as Loki does.”  Steve took a deep breath and ran his fingers through his hair to calm down.  Getting into another screaming match with the prickly man wouldn’t actually help  “Right now we've got to put that aside and get this done. Now Loki needs a power source, if we can put together a list..”

Tony frowned, hopefully in thought as he looked at the bloodstain.  “He made it personal….”

Steve hid a huff.  “That’s not the point!”

“No, that is exactly the point.  That’s Loki’s point.” Tony looked like he was on the verge of figuring something out.  Just like Merlin when chasing a mystery. “He hit us all where we live, why?”

“To tear us apart?”

Tony waved off Steve’s suggestion.  “He had to conquer his greed, but he knows he has to take us out to win, right?”  Tony looked at Steve, flush of excitement dancing in those brown eyes. “That's what he wants. He wants to beat us and he wants to be seen doing it. He wants an audience.”

Steve nodded as Tony paced in front of him, “Yeah, I caught his act in Stuttgart.”

Tony was on a roll now.  Steve could see the lines of thought unspooling behind his clever eyes.  “Yeah. That's just a preview, this is opening night. Loki's a full-tilt diva.”  Tony was throwing his arms out now and Steve watched fondly as he remembered Merlin’s more theatrical moments “He wants flowers, he wants parades, he wants a monument built in the skies with his name plastered…”

Tony froze.  Steve could almost hear the click of the lock as Tony found the key for the door.  “Sonofabitch!”

Steve hurried after the genius as he bounced through the corridors.  “Get the others. Romanov and...and whoever. Meet me at the Stark Tower!”

Steve blinked as Tony ducked into what remained of a lab and pulled out his helmet.   _ The Stark Tower _  Steve could see it.  Earlier they had been talking about the energy source and who better to predict a diva than the consummate crowd player himself?  Steve let himself grin as he rushed to Medical 31. 

_This_ felt like old times.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not happy with the next chapter so we will see when I post it. 
> 
> This story has at least another 5 chapters if not more :)


	17. Tony's Stand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony's always been good at compartmentalizing. Time to put all that practice to good use

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first chapter from Tony's perspective. Let me know what you think!

One of these days Tony is going to figure out how to stay out of other people’s mess.  Probably when he’s two hundred and twelve. 

Tony snorted to himself as he let the jet stream carry him north and homeward to save energy.  He could be curled up next to Pepper, having more than 12% of a moment. But noooooooo. Agent had to bring him homework.  Which included a certain spangled legend he’d heard about once. Or twice. A minute. For twenty years from his father. A certain blonde whose cartoon likeness decorated his childhood walls and most secret fantasies.  A chance to fight alongside Captain America. It was the dream of every kid from 1944 on. 

And that tesseract wasn’t great news either.  

But Tony was too old for childish scripts of adventure.  No way. His entrance to save Captain America in Germany was just style.  “Go big or go home” was his philosophy after all. He was way past hoping a hero like Captain America would tell him his invention was cool.  

No, Tony came for the science.  Banner’s work in physics was unparalleled.  The diverse portfolio meant the man could make intuitive leaps where others scratched their heads.  Tony nearly swallowed his tongue, reading that the man was involved here! The guy was super cool.

Way cooler that a dancer in tights anyway.

Tony snorted,  _ I am so full of shit! _

But, because he couldn’t stay out of it, here he was, flying home with Mark VI beat to hell.  Ze was beeping at him sadly, letting zir creator know it neared death. Tony was proud of Mark VI.  He wasn’t sure his older suits could have both survived the rotor and saved Captain America for the second time in 24 hours.  Mark VI had done zir best. Ze could rest knowing zir sibling would take it from here. Mark VII was young, and no experience, but JARVIS always mentored the babies.

Tony kept an eye on the system warnings flashing across the bottom of his HUD as he let part of his brain that had been cogitating on Steve Rogers come to the fore.

The man was completely irritating.  He couldn’t stay consistent from one moment to the next!  First he’s okay with Tony halting the fight in Germany, then it was too easy!  He tells Thor and Tony to quit fighting then provokes the godling. He jokes about language and flying monkeys, but tells Tony to focus in the lab.  He trusts Brucie but tells Tony not to connect with him. 

He supports Tony’s decision and then says Tony is worthless.

Tony shoved a burst of speed to knock himself out of the wind surf into the lower atmosphere.  He’ll beat the rest of the team by at least 10 minutes. The fly over is quiet, which is good.

It gives him more time to ponder the crazy that just entered his life.  The blonde is supportive and disparaging in turns. Completely trusting and hiding something.

And he brought Agent back to life!

Or well, Tony did.  Somehow. Sort of. Could Steve be more frustrating?  Tony doesn’t believe in Magic!

And yet…

Tony huffed as he entered the range of the tower and sent JARVIS the command to start up the dismantle sequence and hurry up with Mark VII prep.  His boot controls were failing. 

Then he saw the machine.  That monstrosity hooked up to his beautiful tower.  JARVIS had started the shut down sequence the second Tony had reconnected with him, but Tony doubted they’d be one time.

“Sir, I’ve shut down the arc reactor, but I’m afraid the device is already self-sustaining.”  JARVIS annoyed tone almost had Tony chuckle.

Instead, Tony growled at the brainwashed scientist.  “Shut it down Dr Selvig!”

“Its too late!  She can’t stop now!”  Selvig was circling the thing like it was the alter of Apollo.  “She wants to show us something! A new universe.”  _ Oooookay?  And I’m worried about Steve’s sanity? _

“Okay then.”  A blast at the device yielded nothing but blowing everyone back.  JARVIS automatically scanned the device even as the hit did nothing.

Tony grimaced as JARVIS reported findings he’d guessed, “The barrier is pure energy. It's unbreachable.”

Tony rolled his eyes as he turned to where Loki was, “Yeah, I caught that.”  Time for Plan B.

“Sir, the Mark VII is not ready to be deployed.”  JARVIS had been arguing with him since he started preparing for that plan.

“Skip the spinning rims, we’re on the clock!”  Tony knew he needed to buy J some time. Well, he bantered with the best the media and politics had to offer.  Time to put that to good use.

He slowed the dismantling process by 20% while Loki walked ahead of him into the parlor.  Tony couldn’t help calling it that as Howlitt came to mind.

_ ‘Will you walk into my parlor’, said the Spider to the Fly _

Tony swallowed harshly and wandered toward the bar.  He had to get to his bracelets. JARVIS could do the rest, but it wouldn’t mean anything unless he had the bracelets on.  

He eyed Loki’s sceptor, remembering what it did to Agent Barton and Phil Coulson.  Loki’s sneering commentary distracted him, “Please tell me you’re going to appeal to my humanity.”

Tony hid a grin, he knew better, “Actually I’m here to threaten you.”

“You should have left your armor on for that.”  Loki replied. 

Tony almost snorted at that.   _ Yeah, very impressive when ze finally finished short-circuiting, taking my leg with it. _  Instead, he went with something a bit less revealing, “Yeah, its seen a bit of mileage and you have the glow stick of destiny.”  Tony felt a twinge at those words. He frowned a moment, but shuffled that thought for later, now was not the time to get distracted.  He continued around the bar.

“Want a drink?”  Tony might as well have one.  He couldn’t get more impulsive, right?

“Stalling me won’t change anything.”  

“No, no threatening.  No drink? You sure?” Tony felt relief as Loki finally turned away in disgust.  That gave him time check on JARVIS’s progress. He grabbed himself a whiskey.

“The chitauri are coming.  What have I to fear?”

“The Avengers.”   Tony saw JARVIS’s progress bar hit 96% out of the corner of his eye as he poured himself a drink.  Just a few more minutes. “That’s what we call ourselves, a team, sort of. Earth’s Mightiest Fighters and all.”

“Oh, I’ve met them.”  Loki’s mused derision communicated clearly across the distance and Tony felt a bit offended at that.  He may not be technically on the team, but he’d thrown his chips in with them. They were now his team and he’d make sure they were awesome.

“Yeah, it takes a while to get some traction, I’ll give you that.”  Tony carefully didn’t look at his bracelets. “But, let's do a head count here. Your brother, the demi-God” As he’d hoped that had Loki turn away in irritation.  Tony knew better than most that nothing got under your skin like family. He used the distraction to snap the bracelets on for Mark VII. “a super soldier, a living legend who kind of lives up to the legend”   _  Even if he was a fucking maniac with delusions of godhood _ . “A man with breathtaking anger management issues; a couple of master assassins, and you, big fella, you've managed to piss off every single one of them.”

JARVIS’s progress bar hit 99% as Loki assured Tony that this was his plan.

“Not a great plan.  Because when they come, and they will, they’ll come for you.”

Loki glared at him, “I have an army.”

“We have a Hulk.”

“Oh, I thought the beast had wandered off.”

“You're missing the point.” Tony felt his heart rate climb at the idea that Bruce wasn’t coming.  But he couldn’t think about that now. Now was Loki. “There's no throne, there is no version of this, where you come out on top. Maybe your army comes and maybe it's too much for us, but it's all on you. Because if we can't protect the Earth, you can be damned well sure we'll avenge it.”

Tony felt distinctly off at Loki’s grin as he stalked towards Tony.  It was creepy in a way that Obie’s had sometimes been. Like Tony was a coveted marionette for him to make dance.  “How will your friends have time for me when they’re so busy fighting you?”

Tony saw the scepter light up and Tony flashed back to Barton and Coulson.  He didn’t even have time to duck away before he heard a ‘chink’ as it touched his reactor.

He felt energy sizzle through the reactor.  A part of him, a part he didn’t understand, was offended and amused at the attack.  

“This usually works.”  Loki’s confusion drew Tony away from the mental one and Tony firmly told himself to compartmentalize.

“Well performance issues, not uncommon.”  The jittery feeling that Tony knew the scepter and his reaction to it connected sharply with what happened with Coulson on the carrier had Tony fall back on habitual banter.  “They say one out of fiv-”

Loki apparently had a lower threshold for violence than Ty.  Loki threw him to the floor and Tony thanked gods, not the Norse ones, that he’d already compartmentalized otherwise that may have cause a flashback.

“JARVIS, anytime now.”  He struggled away from the angered man, but he was still lifted by his neck.  

Loki’s breath was hot against his face, “You will all fall before me.”

Familiar anger and familiar words, he was about to be thrown, possibly out the window.  At least his father had known better than to injure him visibly. “Deploy!”

He managed to get the word out before the hand moved to his throat.  Tony grabbed the arm as it picked him up by the throat. He pushed until he had enough air to let out a single word.

“Deploy!”

And glass was actually a lot harder than it appeared.  Tony let out an involuntary shout before he forced himself to shove that away too and position himself for JARVIS.  That really was his only hope now.

The familiar grip enclosed him and he felt his heartbeat slowing as the comforting voice filtered into his HUD.  He automatically charged back up to the balcony. He had one more member of his team to lay claim to.

“And there’s one other person you pissed off.  His name is Phil”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys. these next few chapters are coming slow so it may be a while before I update this time. I cannot get Steve to cooperate 
> 
> What did you think of my depiction of Tony?


	18. The Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the fight, because there is always an "after the fight". At least for the survivors there is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, Steve finally cooperated and I got this chapter written. By the way writing Tony is fun! 
> 
> Note for clarity: Karen and Greta are characters from earlier in THIS story. They have no backstory save what I've written here :)
> 
> Enjoy!!!

Watching the metal suit fly the most important person in his existence into a hole to hell was torture.  Knowing he had to give the order to close it, to chose the city his heart’s mate loved over the life of the man himself made Steve sick to his gut.  Just once in his life, in either life, he wanted to be left  _ out _ of the universe’s shit list.  To actually enjoy a win for a moment, to breathe in the sweet life that he was fighting for.

The portal seemed to sputter as it flickered shut.  Like a car trying to keep running after going a mile on fumes.  Steve willed it to stay open a fraction of a second longer, keep him connected to his love just another moment before he consigned the man to a dark, lonely death.

Seeing the metal hurling towards the ground was as if God himself had given him leave to breathe again.  Breath stolen as once again he feared he’d watch Tony crash into his death. He decided as Hulk caught the falling hero that he would never again think ill of the friendship or relationship the man had with Lancelot or Bruce or Hulk or whatever he wanted to be called.

Hulk dropped him on the ground and Steve ran over.  He was so eager to see those sparkling eyes, he didn’t care that they were brown and confused.  He saw the armor resting on the ground next to his large teammate. He didn’t have the patience to wait for Tony to open the faceplate.  He ripped it off. 

“Tony!”

The man didn’t open his eyes at the shout.  Steve looked down and saw the reactor dark. Hadn’t he read something about how it helped Tony live?  Steve placed a hand over it and sure enough he felt no whirl, the blue light remaining dark.

“Tony?”

Behind him he heard Thor quietly gasp, “No…”

Steve tried to swallow around the lump that had blocked his throat.  Next to them Hulk roared defiantly, shaking the very air. Steve reached out and touched Tony’s cheek with one gloved hand.  He frowned and ripped them off in disgust.

“ _ Ambrosia _ ?”  He felt no life return to the skin at the whisper.  Steve couldn’t believe it. He was gone. Steve had finally become completely immortal and his love was gone.

He kept staring at the still face knowing he’d never get to be with him.

No hugs.

No smiles.

Nothing.

Steve reached out to hold him close, but even his body seemed to vanish, fading away into dust.

Steve let out a breathless shout as he sat up in bed.  Sweat drenched sheets piled around his waist and he glanced around the room in panic.  It had been so real.

But it wasn’t.  Steve told himself firmly that Tony hadn’t died.  He’d woken up when Hulk roared and bought them all something called Shwarma, which Steve had loved.  He was hunting down a recipe once things were back to normal.

And Tony was fine.  Steve had left the man at the tower, returning to SHIELD with Natasha and Clint because he didn’t know what else to do.  Thor had disappeared with Loki, who had acted strangely subdued when they found him in the tower. Apparently Hulk had a dim view of gods who couldn’t handle his strength.

When they had sent them back home, Natasha had given Bruce a duffle and wished him well.  Tony had invited the scientist to live with him and Steve felt familiar jealousy flood his veins.  He shoved it down ruthlessly, still very much grateful to the Hulk.

That didn’t mean he hadn’t noticed he’d been left alone in the wake of everything.  The neighborhood he’d been living in needed some work. It was in Brooklyn, so not at the center of the chaos, but some of the further reaching explosions had done enough to require structural engineers to vet buildings all over before inhabiting them.

Yesterday, out of sheer desperation, Steve had shown up at a construction site with the excuse that he was a retired strong man willing to help.  The foreman didn’t care about his credentials and nearly fell over himself hiring him on an hourly cash basis. Steve helped dig out people and homes as he saw Tony’s money handle the larger infrastructural issues.  He was glad one of them could do it. Steve didn’t have the resources, like Arthur had in Camelot. It occurred to him that they had switched roles now. Tony with all the riches and power and Steve doing grunt work.

Arthur would have had a fit.  Steve, on the other hand, grew up in the depression and with only one parent.  He knew the value of doing what needed to be done regardless of how small or thankless the task.  So he’d put in 14 hours yesterday with the promise to return today, in a few hours actually.

He shoved himself upright and made his way to the microwave in the corner.  He’d only stayed at SHIELD two nights before the itching feeling of being surveilled overcame his hesitancy to impose.  He couldn’t work up the courage to ask Tony, but when he checked in with Karen on the gym, she agreed to him setting up camp there.

He did convince her to walk him through the microwave a few times though.  He hadn’t had a lot of luck with the one in his apartment. Together they had cleaned the place up and Steve helped Karen set the main floor up as a temporary shelter until apartment buildings were inspected.  

Yesterday, while Steve had been working, apparently the last of the stragglers had been able to return.  Steve’s building was still on the unsafe list, they had actually found structural issues. The inspectors had cleared or marked most of the standing buildings by now and people were on their way to rebuilding or reinforcing what was needed.

Steve made himself a mug of tea from the microwave and had just gotten it cool enough to drink when he heard the door open.

“Jeez!  I knew from Itsy Bitsy that you were living in a gym, but seriously?  Does this place even have internet?” Tony’s incredulous voice echoed across the floor.  

Steve glanced at the clock in surprise before glancing at the annoyingly awake morning person that Tony clearly retained from Merlin.  “Do you normally appear in someone else’s home at 4 in the morning?”

Tony shot him a leering grin, “Well, to be fair I usually get there a bit earlier and they invite me right in.  I’ve tried out more beds than you can guess before I took people to my place instead. Less hassle to already be home.  Better bed too.”

Steve rolled his eyes as he drank his tea in one gulp.

“Oh my god!  Not  _ another _ tea drinker!  You and Bruce and Romanoff!  Hasn’t anyone introduced you to the nirvana that is coffee?”

Steve almost choked at that.  He gave the dramatic brunnet a tolerant look, “Tried it, didn’t like it.”

Tony’s head popped up from where he had hung it in despair, “Sacrilege!  You take that back right now! No impious blasphemy within my kingdom! You shall now be required to make a sacrifice at the altar of caffeinated godhood before I extend my offer of accommodations.”

Steve snorted.  Tony was even more nonsensical than Merlin, that was a feat indeed.  “Let me know how that turns out, I need to get ready for work.”

Tony blinked at him, completely nonplussed.  Steve held in a snicker as he tracked down clean jeans and a dark shirt for the day.  He’d started for the shower when Tony yelped behind him, “Wait, you’re  _ serious _ ?!? NO! No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no!”

Steve choked as he adjusted the shower to the right temperature of scalding as the grown man behind him threw a tantrum, wagging his finger at the super soldier in silly confusion.  Steve tossed his nightwear at the billionaire before stepping in the show, grinning at the squawk of indignation Tony gave off at the incoming fabric. War-time habits kept his shower short, knowing water was at a premium in the city right now.

He reached out for a towel as he turned off the water only to find it a lot closer than it should have been.  Steve glanced around the curtain to see an appreciative look from his guest.

“Heeeellooo Soldier!”  Tony’s grin was positively salacious.  Steve rolled his eyes again, any body shyness had disappeared during boot camp, and Arthur had been dressed by Merlin anyway.  “Okay, you can still move in. This art needs the proper place to rest!”

“Tony, what are you talking about?”  Steve wanted to check on Greta before he left for work and Tony wasn’t speeding things up.

The engineer pouted at him.  “I’m talking about moving in.  To that Tower. With the rest of the team.  Well minus Thor, I can’t reach him. I really must do something about that.  But Birdbrain and Itsy Bitsy moved in yesterday. Brucie has been there a week, of course.  So you’re the last one I can find.”

Steve blinked at him as Tony smiled at him widely.  His brain was still connecting the thought of living together with the offer to let Steve closer to Tony when the smile started to fade.  “Of course, you don’t have to, I’m sure you can save the world from here, is this your gym? The paperwork said Karen Heagan. Are you crossdressing when not in spangles?  Not that there’s anything wrong with that. I’m live and free love, complete supportor of-”

“I’d love to!”  Steve’s hurried speech interrupted what was probably an unending stream of babble, saying the first words his startled brain could.  To be within the same walls at Tony was a dream come true. And with the rest of the team, maybe he had a chance of having a few more friends, maybe even a family.

Tony froze at the response.  Steve saw the smile start to return before the man covered it again but Steve wasn’t about to listen to another long string of nonsense.  He couldn’t order the idiot to shut up, but sweeping the man into a hug seemed just as effective. Objectively, that had a lot of alarms going on in Steve’s head, but for the moment, Steve was content to bask in both Tony’s presence and his, likely very brief, vacation from nonsensical speech.

* * *

Of course the move wasn’t that simple.  First, Steve still intended to go to work.  He’d promised to be there and they needed his help.  Tony had his way to fix up the city and Steve had hiw.  Second, he wanted to do the move himself. He quickly corrected the idea that he went under the name ‘ _ Karen _ ’ in no uncertain terms, and that he’d rather be here to explain everything to her and ensure that only his stuff got packed.  

Tony frowned at him for this, but didn’t protest.  Well, beyond another word spree. Where did Tony store all these words?

Steve’s supervisor was thrilled that Steve came back and they worked all day on a building that had lost several interior walls.  Steve’s ability to move heavy rubble was a godsend where they couldn’t fit any larger tools. Steve did hear a few men grumbling about how the city had contracted a company and then broke the contract for Stark Industries due to security concerns.  Apparently the company had already set aside the tools and manpower for the work. Steve made a mental note to ask Tony to help them recoup that loss.

Karen was very understanding later that night when Steve explained he was moving in with his friend on a more permanent basis.  Steve’s identity may not be a secret, but whether Karen knew confounded him. Still, she was a good friend. She helped him pack what little he’d brought to the gym and then went with him to pack up his apartment.

Her frown at his meager belongings told him that he’d still a long way to go before he would be settled into this era.  Still she kept up cheerful chatter as they packed, trading funny war stories and gym stories. Karen’s day job was a crossing guard downtown near a school.  She had met some interesting kids and more than a few crazed parents. Packing didn’t take long.

Even with their speed, the 14 hour day Steve’d put in at the construction site meant they weren’t done until well after dinner and Steve offered to treat Karen as thanks.  They ended up in the gym’s kitchenette with Karen teaching him about tacos and nachos. 

“Okay, that was good!”  Steve’s compliment paired with a chink form their beer bottles.  Karen grinned his way.

“Just some real, little people food!”  Karen took a swig. She was well on her way to being tipsy, but Steve didn’t mind.  Even if he couldn’t get drunk, he could enjoy her company. He watched as she swirled the bottle.  “You won’t forget right?”

Steve blinked at her with a raised eyebrow.  Karen gestured around her, beer sloshing dangerously in her bottle.  “You know. The little people. Us. You’re going to that castle downtown to fight with gods.”

Apparently Karen had recognized him.  Steve sighed. He glanced at her again when she continued in a small voice completely incongruous with her tough as nails personality.  “I just don’t want us to be forgotten. We matter too.”

* * *

Steve’s move in the next morning was fairly uneventful.  As far as the Avengers go, anyway. Tony appeared the moment Steve walked into the building, a look of relief coloring his cheeks.  Steve only had four boxes, two of which were in his arms, and the bag on his shoulder. Tony had gestured to another man was bring them in the midst of his welcome speel.  

Steve followed the talking engineer onto an elevator and tuned him out briefly to enjoy the view as they climbed 50 stories above the city he loved.  Suddenly he realized the elevator was both slower and quiet. He glanced at Tony knowing his entire face was turning red.

“Sorry, what were you saying about the kitchen?”

Tony smiled and waved.  “Nothing terribly important.”  Tony took a moment and looked over the city.  “I forget how great a view it is.” 

Steve grinned.  “Yeah. I can’t wait to see it after sunset.”

“It glows.”

Steve looked at Tony.  The man seemed calmer, looking out over the city.  Content in a way that Steve had yet to see enter Tony’s continence.  Merlin had shown it on occasion, looking over Camelot in brief moments of peace.  

“Do you sit and watch it often?”

“Not really.”  Tony’s voice was softer and Steve wondered if he was hearing regret or something else.  “Not often enough.”

The look on Tony’s face, in that momen, made Steve itch for a pencil.  That look of contentment and wonder, not ust from what he was seeing out the window, but what he was seeing in his mind’s eye.  Steve wished he could do that justice.

“Maybe, you could show me the best spot in the Tower to watch from?”

Tony started, glancing at him and Steve could feel the moment snap as if it were a guitar string.  The recoil showed in Tony’s eyes as he realized they were still in an elevator. He irritably gestured at the ceiling and the elevator resumed its climb.  And Tony resumed his explanation of the amenities. 

The apartment Steve had was comfortable and Tony hovered around as Steve began unpacking.  Steve could see a question on the tip of the engineer’s tongue, but since he hadn’t the foggiest clue what it could be, he simply waited.  Merlin was never big on this type of patience anyway.

“What did you do?  With Phil I mean.”

Steve looked at Tony nervously.  He hadn’t figured out a way to explain this without sounding completely off his rocker.  “I didn’t do anything, you did.”

Tony blinked at him in confusion.  Then he smiled, “Riiiight. Okay, I’ll bite.  What did I do?”

Steve could see that Tony was just humoring him.  Honestly, Steve had thought about how to tell Tony dozens of times.  In the end, straightforward and blunt seemed the most likely to work.  “You used magic.”

Tony scoffed.  “Right! Really, what happened, Steve?”

“No, Tony, it really was magic.”  Steve made sure to hold Tony’s gaze as the man slid from joking to questioning to confused to disbelieving.

“Steve,”  Tony paused here and Steve had the distinct impression that Tony was thinking about how to tell Steve something he didn’t think Steve would believe.  The parallels were staggering. “There is no such thing as magic.”

Steve gave a breath to show Tony that he wasn’t rushing this judgement, “Tony, not only is there magic but you performed it.  You saved Phil.” 

Tony’s head started shaking as soon as Steve said the word ‘magic’.  “Steve, I know a lot of our technological advances seem like magic, but trust me, they aren’t.  I mean that’s Clark’s 3rd Law. There is a perfectly logical, reasonable explanation for all of it.”

“That’s true.  And for this instance of amazing advances magic is the logical response.”

“Magic isn’t reasonable!”  Tony snapped at Steve before taking a calming breath.  “OKay, maybe to you it was magic. Lets approach this a different way.  What did you do and what did you observe. Maybe we can figure out what happened.”

“What happened was magic!”  Steve grabbed his temper and wrestled it into submission.  Tony was more obdurate than Merlin and the bar was already set pretty high.  “I talked to you. I placed your hands on Phil’s chest. Your eyes flashed bright and Phil took a breath.  You passed out.”

Tony frowned as he listened, but Steve wanted to drive his point home.

“Do you know any technology that could do that?”

“Weeeeellllll.  Me passing out wouldn’t be impossible since I had a sprained wrist and a few cracked ribs.”  Steve felt his ears ring. Tony had been injured? “And the medics could have called Phil’s death wrong and we just snapped him out of it?”

Steve regarded Tony with a raised eyebrow.  “And the glowing eyes?”

Tony waved his hand.  “You were delirious still from the lack of oxygen during the fight.  I mean I had the suit, but come on! You were performing actual acrobatic maneuvers at 20,000 feet.”  

Steve kept staring at Tony until Tony’s face fell.  Steve could tell that Tony didn’t believe it either.  Why ask Steve what happened, if he did.

“It not magic.  There’s no such thing as magic!”  Tony’s harsh words were accompanied by a hand to his forehand in exasperation.  

“Tony.  You did magic.  You have magic.”

“No!  I DON’T!”  Tony shook him off his wrist almost in a panic, backing up a few steps.  Steve nearly leaped forward if only to make sure the genius didn’t topple backwards down the stairs behind him.

“Tony-”

“No!”  Tony seemed to grab his hair in frustration, eyes closed tightly.  “There is an explanation!”

Steve almost rolled his eyes.   _ If I can’t see it, it isn’t there _ .  Then he looked at Tony again.

Tony’s eyes were closed tight, his brow tense.  Tony finally waved his hands out of his hair with a growl and stomped away.  

Steve wasn’t sure what to make of that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I bet that opening scene fooled you for a moment. For the most part the fight didn't change and I suck at writing fight scenes so You'll see bits referenced in memory by various characters, but otherwise assume the fight went as it did in the movie.
> 
> Up next: Explanations!


	19. He Lived It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve finally gets some answers. He just wasn't expecting who would give them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Reference of being burned alive and buried alive, possibly while conscious. Not real detail is given, but it is mentioned. Please watch your comfort level. The relevant pieces are in bold (since I don't use that for anything else) 
> 
> WARNING: This chapter also refers to one person effecting the mental ability/health of another directly with magic. Some are finding this unsettling.
> 
> I'm posting a day early because I"m kind of nervous for this chapter. There is a lot of info, but not a lot of Stony.

Steve watched from the observation deck as Tony put his new armor through it’s paces.  The man was poetry in motion as he dared JARVIS to hit him. The suit seemed to read the mind of the pilot.  

He heard the tapping of high heels and turned in time to see Pepper Potts join him in the hallway.  Although the Avengers were definitely aware of the redhead, only Bruce so far had interacted with her on any meaningful level.  Natasha had a great deal of respect for the woman and Clint hadn’t argued.

Steve gave her a polite nod and went back to watching the aerial acrobatics below.  Tony was in a class to himself.

“He’s more at home in there.”  Pepper’s soft voice drew his attention, but Steve didn’t do anything further than nod.  He could see it. In Tony’s movements, in his confidence, even in his voice, Tony loved being in the suit.  A sigh fluttered out of Pepper’s lips before she turned to Steve.  “If you have a few hours, Captain Rogers, could I have your attention?”

The return of her confident voice broke Steve out of his admiring daze.  He looked at her in question. When she wasn’t more forthcoming, Steve acquiesced with a slight bow and gesture towards the door that had been drilled into Arthur’s bones.

Steve followed Pepper through the door and into the elevator.  Although no one spoke, the elevator took off once the doors were closed.  Steve was still adjusting to JARVIS and his control over the tower.

As they rode in silence, Steve took a moment to observe the most likely rival for any romantic designs he had for Tony.  Pepper was a slight woman, probably Irish like Steve, with her red hair and freckles. Although he had seen her in all manner of formal wear, today she sported a simple skirt and blouse.  The suit coat over top was both expensive and delicately fashioned to accentuate her body’s movements without drawing attention to her bust or hips.

A Power Suit.

Currently her face was blank, with mild lines to show stress and probably exhaustion.  However, Steve had seen the softness in her severe mouth as she gazed at Tony and her eyes held laugh lines indicating that even if the billionaire alone saw it, she did have a humorous, caring side.

Pepper led him into a large office and gestured a seat to one side.  She brought over a fine silver tea set before joining him on the leather.  Steve was impressed she didn’t offer him alcohol and had no trouble saying so.

Pepper gave him a brief smile.  “Androcentric cronyism is still strong in business.  Spirits are their tradition, one I detest. Tony said you like tea.”

“Said?”  Steve raised an eyebrow at his own memory of Tony’s reaction to his choice of drink.  Pepper snorted.

“Oration was a skill Tony acquired out of the sheer glee of seeing his opponent’s faces as they attempt to remain polite.  Sometimes, I think he forgets to limit that skill to times when he’s attempting to annoy.”

“Clint called it word vomit. I find I like it.”  Steve frowned at her. Tony always looked so alive during the verbal exuberance.  

Pepper gave him a brief smile.  “Yes, well, it is adorable.” She sipped her tea, letting Steve make his own cup.  “Captain-”

“Steve.  Please, Miss Potts.”

“Pepper, then.”  She waved her hand and continued, “Steve, I’ve wondered.  Tony mentioned your belief that he has magic-”

“I was just-”

“How long have you remembered Arthur?”

That last question stopped Steve cold.  He set his tea down and regarded Pepper more fully.  She continued sipping her tea nonchalantly, but Steve could see a small thread of tension in her frame.

“How…?”

Pepper set her cup on its plate and glanced at him calmly.  “Surely you don’t think you are the only reincarnation?”

“You remember Camelot?”

Pepper took another sip with a hum.  “Vaguely. My previous life wasn’t there long.”  

Pepper placed her cup on the plate and set it on the table.  Folding her hands into her lap, she met his confused gaze.  “Her name was Freya.  You may know her as the Lady of the Lake.”  Pepper’s words drew a gasp from Steve and he gave her is full attention.  

Pepper drew her legs onto the couch, leaving her shoes on the floor.  “You and I are different.  Where you are Arthur, I simply remember Freya.”  Steve frowned but didn’t interrupt. “Freya was a young druid teen when you met her.  She was cursed to, each night, walk as a beast and seek to kill. She was a bastet. A bounty hunter brought her to Camelot to be paid for his services by Uther.”

Steve winced, well aware of what fate awaited those brought before his first father.  

Pepper waved at him.  “Don’t look like that, Freya didn’t make it to Uther.  Merlin, lovable idiot he was, helped her to escape into the catacombs of Camelot.”  Pepper smiled sadly. “You know when he asked Freya what she wanted to eat, she asked for a strawberry.  She’d never tasted one. I can’t eat them either. I’m allergic.”

Pepper’s smile was short-lived.  “She changed into a bastet each night and each night she killed.  She hated it.” Pepper looked up into Steve’s eyes. “And then the brave prince of Camelot got the best of her.”

Steve felt his ear turn cold and ring.  Arthur had killed her. He’d killed Freya.  Merlin had talked of the Lady of the Lake before.  How he loved her once. How…

Steve swallowed harshly as Pepper kept going, either not noticing or ignoring Steve’s minor crisis.  “Merlin was so in love with Freya, he carried her to the Lake of Avalon.  Freya came to live within those borders. Her curse finally broken.” Pepper smiled at Steve, who couldn’t return it.  The smile softened. “Freya never blamed you. I doubt Merlin did for long either. The bastet had to be stopped and Merlin wouldn’t...couldn’t do it.  The world asked a lot of him, but he couldn’t kill one he loved.”

Steve felt the lump in his throat swell at the impossible emotional conundrum Merlin had likely been in.  The conflicting pull when Arthur was barely more than an acquaintance. Why had he stayed? Arthur had asked Merlin that very question multiple times to always receive the same answer.

 _I was born to serve you, Arthur_.

“Have you done any research into Arthurian legend since you woke up?”  Pepper’s question drew a nod from Steve. “Then you probably know that the Lady of the Lake is the guardian of Excalibur.  And is everliving.  When Arthur died, Merlin took his body, your body to Avalon.  It was the hope that the Sidthe would still be able to do something for you.  And so they did."

“Prophecy states that King Arthur would rise again when he was most needed.”  A wry grin flowed over her mouth. “Merlin waited.”

Steve sighed as he placed his head in his hands.  “I’d wondered. I knew Merlin was immortal. I’d worried about him.  About him outliving me. Outliving everyone. The loneliness wasn’t something I wished for him.  Now that I’ve seen what it feels like to lose everyone you ever knew, twice, I feel even more wretched.  Oh god! _Merlin!_ ”

Pepper gave him a few moments to collect himself as she poured the tea.  Her gentle voice drew him out of the misery running through his brain. “He loved you.”

Steve looked up.

“Merlin loved you with everything he was.  So he waited."

She took a sip, “he didn’t spend all his time at Avalon though.  For one thing, it was incredibly boring. Trust me on that.  Freya was bored out of her mind! For another, he had to set up protections as people got better at mapping land.  He’d leave for five years at a time to study somewhere and then return for a year or so.”

Steve perked up at the mention of travel.  In either life, he hadn’t the chance. “What did he study?”  

Pepper laughed, “What didn’t he study?  Military strategy, politics, communications, the list went on and on.  Later he studied chemistry, mathematics, psychology, all the sciences got a turn.  He studied in Europe, Asia, here, once it was discovered and sufficiently populated to allow for his traveling.  And he brought back his knowledge. Taught Freya language and customs of places she’d never see.”

The wonder in Pepper’s voice was dazzling.  She gave him a joyous smile, “I remember much of those lessons.  It certainly made this job easier!”

Both chuckled.  Steve shook his head, glad his lover had retained his own love of learning.  It also explained Tony’s brilliance. “So how did he end up in a Nazi science lab?”

Pepper sighed, “Well when the 1st world war ended, Germany was in bad shape.  I don’t know about when you were a kid, but now its a widely accepted idea that the deal at the end of the World War I played a significant role in causing World War II.  It was inevitable with how beggared Germany was. Hitler drew them together. Revitalized a war torn population and built the most powerful army. Even back then some predicted it.”

“Yeah,”  Steve nodded.  “President Wilson opposed Germany’s punishment.”

“So did the Sidthe.  They could see what was to come.  So they released your soul from their keeping.  Freya got word to Merlin as soon as she realized you were out of Avalon and they searched for you.  They did not expect to find you in America as a small child.”  Pepper grinned wryly. “Even worse, the long time the Sidthe had you had drained you of your own magic.  You were a pale wraith of a king.”

Steve laughed.  “That’s a kind way of putting it.  I was so ill as a child, no one expected me to survive to adulthood.”

“Knowing what I know about Arthur Pendragon and Steve Rogers, I’d be willing to bet you survived just to prove them wrong.”  Pepper’s giggle had Steve nodding. “Anyway, Merlin threw himself into medical research and started developing something that would help you.  The best research at the time was in Switzerland, but it was most needed in Berlin. Merlin had taken many names over the years and since this was to be his last one, he took Abraham for his obedience and love of his deity,” Pepper gestured at Steve with her cup to his blush, ”and Erskine for the name’s history in fighting to protect his leader.  He meant for this to show you his loyalty, I assume.”

“I was supposed to follow that?”  Steve’s incredulous tone held a thread of chuckle and Pepper shrugged.

“He got more and more enigmatic as the years passed.”  

“So the serum, it was originally created for me.  Me specifically?”

Pepper nodded.  “Merlin designed it to take the magic within a person and shine that light upon their body.  It would magnify their personality to allow their body to reflect it appropriately.  He hadn’t ever thought another would use it.  Merlin didn’t calculate what would happen if someone else used it.  When the Nazi party cornered his research and the Red Skull stole a sample, Merlin realized he had to put a stop in his study."

She gave Steve a victorious smile, “so he sabotaged his own work, adjusting it to require a boost of sorts to work well.”

“Thus the Vita Rays?”  Steve’s question was met with a nod.

“Yup, honestly the Vita Rays were not a great mystery actually.  Howard could never figure them out because Merlin fiddled with his various dials.”  Another shrug was accompanied by a smirk this time. “Merlin remembered that part fondly.”  Pepper looked down at her cup.  “Steve, Freya knew a lot that happened, but the week Merlin spent with you in America, could you tell me about it?  Freya never learned much about it from Merlin.”

Steve smiled thinking back.  It seemed like so long ago now.  “Well, we actually met at the original Stark Expo.”

Pepper laughed.  A light giggle of laughter that warmed Steve to the redhead.  He grinned at her. “Yeah. Random chance. Or at least I always thought so.”

“They had a booth set up to recruit.  Always did back then. I figured I’d try my luck.  Besides it sounded better then-” Steve broke off when he remembered the other plans he could have had.  The time he could have spent with Bucky. Steve shook that away automatically. Now was not the time for such regrets.  “It was my fifth try. I had a list as long as your arm of health issues, but I thought I could be helpful doing something!  I could protect the soldiers, somehow.”

Steve looked down,  “Looking back, I think Arthur’s need was part of that.  Arthur couldn’t stay on the sidelines either. At least _he_ wasn’t a hindrance.  I don’t know what I would’ve done if someone had finally said ‘Yes’.  I mean I would have gotten men killed and used valuable resources without a great deal of return for the army.”

Pepper gestured for him to continue with his story when he looked up.  Her non-judgemental stare was a balm right now. “Anyway, the examiner was called out before we were through.  I had lied on the form. Not much, my hometown and whether I’d tried before. I thought they’d figured it out. Maybe a guard had recognized me from another site or somethin’.  My heart was going so fast! I mean, I idolized these guys and they were about to arrest me, watch me be led away in humiliation!” Steve gave Pepper a sheepish smile.

“Anyway, before I could work myself up into a right lather, an MP and this old guy steps in.  He says, ‘So you want to overseas? Kill some Nazis?’.”

Pepper snorted.  Steve grinned wryly.  It sounded like a greeting from either Merlin, who never learn the finesse of social necessities, or Tony, who always made an entrance.

“I know right?  I thought I’d misheard him.  I mean that’s why we were kind of in this tent, right?  I thought everyone thought that, you know?” Steve shook his head with a grin.

“Anyway we introduced each other and he mentioned he was from Germany.  I guess he’d figured I didn’t recognize him and was going to keep playing the part.”  Steve frowned. “I wonder how long he would have done that. Just forgotten about Merlin and Arthur.”

“If he thought you were happier as Steve, he’d have kept it up forever.”  Pepper’s comment stated exactly what Steve had been trying to avoid thinking.   _Damn Idiot!!!_

“Anyway, when I said it didn’t bother me he was German, he opened this folder.  Apparently they had known about me. Or he’d been watching. Either way, I thought I was busted.”  Steve chuckled, shaking his head, “Here I was worrying about being arrested and he’s talking about my damn determination.”

Steve paused and blushed.  In either life, he’d been taught not to swear in front of a lady.  When Pepper didn’t even blink an eye, he continued, “Any way, he asked me again.  ‘Do you vant to kill Nazis?’ I even asked outright if it was a test.”  Steve grinned as he mimicked the accent.  Then he sobered up.

“You know I’d never really thought about it before that moment.  I wanted to protect the soldiers. Stop the atrocities. But no one had ever actually come out and said it quite so plainly.  And thinking about it, I knew my answer.”

Steve looked up and met Pepper’s eyes as he recited, “I don’t want to kill anyone.”

“As Arthur I had to do a lot I didn’t like, on my father’s order, even on my own.  But then and now, I don’t want death on my conscious. ‘It is not victory I seek, but peace.’  I fight for life, not death. I told him that I didn’t like bullies. Didn’t matter their origin.  I wanted that stopped.”

Steve met Pepper’s eyes and was startled to realize they were glassy.  She shook her head and waved him on.

“I had been told all my life I was too little, too sick to ever make a difference.  Bucky and Ma were the only ones that stood by me. Encouraged me. And this...this scientist, he told me.  He said maybe they _need_ a little guy.”

Steve picked up his tea again.  “It meant so much to me. Even if he said it was only a chance.  I knew I would take it. I would seize it with both hands and fan that spark into a firestorm.”

Steve looked down at his arms and shot Pepper a wry grin.  “Some firestorm.”

Pepper barked out a laugh at that.  “I don’t know. I’ve seen Tony’s idea of subtle and I must say, this fits.”  She said cheerfully.

Steve laughed.  It felt good to laugh after all this serious discussion.  That was something he remembered about Merlin. Merlin could always help Arthur laugh even when things were grim.

“Yeah, when he double checked with me after the injection, you know, before they bombarded me with radiation.  My response was something like, ‘I guess its too late to go to the bathroom.’ He liked that.” Steve grinned, remembering.  

“I didn’t see him much of that week of training.  I mean he was around, but he was always with Col Phillips.”  Steve glanced up with humor dancing in his eyes. “One time we were doing jacks and they walked up.  Col Phillips tossed a dummy grenade into the group. Everyone scattered except Peggy and me. I dove at it.”  

Pepper watched in amusement as Steve started laughing.

“Oh god the look he gave Col Phillips!  Very much like Tony’s, ‘Ha, told you I’m right!’  Oh god!” Steve rolled back on the couch laughing.  He was still trying to catch his breath when he started talking again.  “He came to me with a bottle of schnapps the night before the test. We’d made a toast and I’d almost downed it when he grabbed it.  We’d both forgotten I couldn’t eat or drink anything. And-and when I suggested we drink it after-” Steve’s chuckles overcame his voice momentarily.  “He-he said ‘I don’t have procedure! I drink it now!’”

Pepper chuckled, half due to Steve’s infectious laughter.  The big man was heaving as tears streamed down his red face.

“We had a good conversation that night.”  Steve heaved a deep breath, regaining control of his voice.  “I asked, ‘Why me?’ I mean that was the real question anyway.”  Pepper watched as he breathed deeply, sinking into the memory.  “He told me about how it was in Germany, before the war. About how people needed help.  How Hitler helped them feel strong again.”

“Then he started talking about how Hitler and Schmidt wanted his research.  How he refused and Schmidt stole it anyway.” Steve shook his head. “‘The serum amplifies everything that is inside.’  That’s what he told me. ‘Good becomes great. Bad become worse’.”

Steve grinned.  “When Bucky first met Schmidt and the coward removed his mask to show the red.  The first thing Bucky did was to ask me if I had one of those too.”

Pepper burst out laughing at that.  For a moment both of them were chuckling.  Steve waved his hand. “Oh boy! Buck was the best.”  Steve sobered up, “He was my best friend. My brother.”

“I’m sorry.”  Pepper’s soft sympathy was welcome and Steve nodded, shoving his sense of loss where he always did, in the dark corner of his mind.

“Anyway.  Until the day of the procedure, those were my only interactions with Erskine.  The interview, brief sightings around the camp and that night. The only other time I saw him was during the procedure itself.”

Pepper nodded.  “Yes, Merlin mentioned that it went well, up until that assassin appeared.”

Steve just nodded and swallowed.  Pepper leaned forward. “Steve, Merlin lived through the invention of every weapon we have.  It wasn’t that Merlin didn’t die, it was that he couldn’t. Not by conventional means. He’d been shot before.”

“B-but he did die.”

“No Steve.”  Pepper shook her head.  “In the 40s, we didn’t know to read brain waves.  A heart with a hole in it can’t beat, but Merlin is sustained by his magic, not his body.”

“So Tony…?”

Pepper shrugged.  “It would explain how he survived a lethal explosion less than a foot in front of him long enough to see medical treatment in Afghanistan.  Oh my god, that was the first time I wished I could give him back his memories.”

“Why _doesn’t_ he remember?”

Pepper shot him a sad smile.  “Let me tell you a bit about what happened after he was shot.  The idiot had forgotten to make funeral arrangements, so his closest friend tried to do it so the _German_ could someday be returned home.”

**“Howard.  He-” Steve gasped, remembering the service.  “He cremated the body.”**

**Pepper nodded.  “I think Merlin hoped that since he was registered as Jewish that wouldn’t happen, but during war and what with Stark being atheist…”**

**“He went with the most convenient.”  Steve dropped his head into his hands.  “Oh lord! Merlin!” Steve looked up, face painted with fear.  “Did he...I mean was he..?”**

**Pepper shook her head.  “Freya never asked and Merlin never volunteered.  Honestly I don’t think she wanted to know. I know I don’t.”**

**Steve nodded.  He could understand not wanting to know if Merlin had been conscious at all as he was burned alive.**

**Pepper recovered quickly and continued.  “Merlin had set up a spell centuries ago.  If his heart stopped for 7 consecutive days, his body and soul was transported to the shores of Avalon and replaced with stone.”  She shuddered. “He only needed to dig himself out of his own grave once to decide not to do that again.”**

Steve swallowed hard, setting his tea down again.  He didn’t think it would stay down anyway.

“When his ashes appeared on the bank, Freya took them into the waters.”  Pepper gave him a fragile smile. “It took more than 2 decades for him to recover from that.”

Steve did some quick math in his head.  Merlin wouldn’t have been healed until the mid-1960s at earliest.

“Of course, the first thing he did once he recovered enough was to look for you.  Captain America was fairly well known as a hero. Finding your history wasn’t hard.”  Pepper’s eyes’ turned sad.  “I will tell you, as either Freya or Pepper, I’ve never seen such as when Merlin heard of your death.”  Pepper paused as Steve’s whole body flinched. “He had waited for 1200 years and all he got was a week.”

“He broke.”

Pepper’s words were quiet, but they thundered through the room.  She wasn’t certain Steve was breathing as she tried to explain. “For so long he’d been determined.  On occasion he’d suffer depression and loneliness, but always with an edge. A knowledge that it would end when you returned.  But this… No, there was nothing behind his eyes.”

Steve tried to swallow, but his throat was sandpaper.  His first word was more croak than word. “What...what happened?”

“Freya knew she was losing him.  So she made a plan.” Pepper looked around the office, rubbing her hands up and down her arms in comfort.  “She begged Merlin to separate her from Avalon.”

“But...I thought...I mean she…?”

Pepper nodded.  “The Lake of Avalon was what sustained her, but even its magic was waning.  Merlin and Freya could sustain her for a year or two and then she would die.”  Pepper shook her head, “That didn’t matter to her.  She took Merlin to see the only friends he had.”

“Howard.” Steve breathed.

“And Phillips and Carter.  Freya and Merlin appeared at their doorstep one very wet spring night in 1970.”

Steve frowned.  “But Tony was born in 1969.  At least his file said that.”

“Sure.”  Pepper nodded.  “They had to say something.  Freya explained Merlin’s entire history, including your part in it.  Actually, Peggy Carter had the hardest time believing it. Merlin was barely registering everything.  He’d do something specific when Freya asked, but nothing more. He just stared at the fire.”

“Then Freya made her request.”

Steve met Pepper’s gaze and she nodded.  “Howard had been married nearly 18 months and his wife had yet to bear him a child.  Maria couldn’t, Merlin and Freya looked. So Merlin used a sample of Howard’s blood and de-aged himself.  He’d been able to perfectly control his growth for centuries. He combined Howard's blood with his own and the result was a babe, nearly a year old with genes from Hunith of Ealdor, Balinor the Dragonlord and Howard Stark.  Since testing requires a sample from the parents, no one would know there were three.”

“But, why doesn’t he remember?  Did he suppress it?”

Pepper shook her head.  “No. Merlin didn’t suppress his memories, Freya did.”

Steve blinked at her in shock until Pepper began to explain further.  “All that history, all that waiting and pain and despair. Freya loved Merlin.  Not in the romantic sense, but in the true companionship they had developed over a millennia.  She wanted to spare him that. To give him a new life. So all memories of Merlin were suppressed and in May of 1970, Freya appeared as an old lover of Howard’s with his year-old son.  Howard used his influence to backdate a birth certificate and secretly complete all the paperwork for Maria to adopt and “Amanda Armstrong” to give up her child. The birth certificate published showed Maria Stark as the mother.  Maria even named him Antonio after her father.”

“Freya handed the infant to Maria and then disappeared.  She let herself die a little while later. She was reincarnated when I was born.”

“And you remembered everything.”

Pepper gave him a smile.  “No, Freya had left her memories in the Stark Mansion.  She knew her reincarnation would be drawn to Tony. When I entered for the first time, I remembered.  It was shortly before Iron Man started up, actually.”

Steve held his head in his hands.  “So there is no way for Tony to remember me?”

“Steve, Tony does remember you,” Pepper said gently. “ _You_ met only a week ago, but Howard never stopped talking about you.  Tony remembers that.”

Pepper stood and her face blanked.  Suddenly, Steve felt the tender thread of connection they had both been weaving with their knowledge of Merlin, snap sharply. 

“He waited for you.  A millennia, he waited and spent all he was helping you.  Freya suppressed Merlin because those memories caused him pain.  Short of a magical mental attack, he’s not going to remember.”

She looked down at the sitting super soldier.

“You have a choice to make Steve Rogers.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now Steve knows.
> 
> Someone shout at me if you notice any plotholes or verb tense issues here please.
> 
> Side Note: In the comics Amanda Armstrong is Tony's biological mother. I figured this could be an homage to the woman.


	20. Advice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After hearing all that Pepper said, Steve had to come to terms with a few things.

Steve watched as Tony fiddled with a circuit on his desk.  JARVIS knew Steve was at the door, but since he hadn’t yet asked for entrance, he didn’t think Tony’d been informed.  He wanted to take a moment to watch and think.

Besides, he thought he could trust JARVIS to help him on this.  He glanced down at the metal monkey attached to his arm.

-Flashback-

A clanking jitter came out from the desk behind Pepper and she sighed, breaking out of her stern poise.  Steve looked over curiously to see a small metal man...doll...thing half-stuttered half-jogged around the desk corner.  It’s head spun a moment before it seemed to focus on Steve. The supersoldier practically jumped out of his skin when its hand shot out of its wrist and attached to the wrist Steve had raised in front of his face.  It used the hand like a grapple hook and reeled itself towards Steve, until the little metal thing was hanging off his wrist like a monkey. It was all metal sheets bound together with wires and pulleys.  Steve couldn't see any mechanization or motors.  Steve blinked at it as he raised his arm enough to look it in the eyes, or where the eyes would be if the thing had them.  

 

“Steve, meet Zousei.  Zousei, Steve.” Pepper’s harried introduction had him nodding as the little metal creature clanked his head joint in response.  The greeting was a bit garbled, but Steve found himself nodding at the thing.

“Its nice to meet you too.”

“Figures you’d understand zir.”  Pepper muttered. Steve glanced at her in question.  “Are you familiar with the myth of a golem?”

When Steve shook his head and let his new friend rearrange himself on the couch next to him, Pepper sat down.

“In Jewish mythology, a golem is a creature made by one of the divine out of inanimate objects.  They take on a life of their own. Merlin made three before Tony’s birth. This is Zousei.”

Steve looked at the little guy with interest.  The metal round head whirled and Steve saw vaguely oriental characters spin past.

“So he’s alive?”

Pepper shrugged.  “According to myth, the golem is given life and the word _emet_ is written on their forehead.  When the divine are done with a golem they remove the first letter, changing the word to _met_ or death.  Since the earliest record I can find of golems is after Camelot, I can’t tell you whether Merlin was involved in that particular myth, or just liked the idea of a traveling companion.”

Steve looked up from watching Zousei inspect his wrist.  “You said Merlin made 3?”

“Zousei returned with him from Japan.  The two characters on zeir head together mean creation .  Remove the first one to get _Nari_ or to elapse and Zousei will cease.  I think. Merlin also created Sobima and Guletsi.  Sobima was created when he first started traveling.  It means to make friends or to belong. You add _tu_ to the end of it to get ‘improper’ and ze ceases to exist.  I think its Estonian.”

Steve frowned at her in confusion.  “‘Ze’?”

“Non-gender pronouns.”  Pepper smiled. “Tony refuses to give some of his AI genders so he adopted non-gendered pronouns for them years ago.  It seemed appropriate here since I can’t tell what ze is saying. Instead of he or she, you use Ze.” Pepper waved her hand in the air.

“Anyway, Guletsi returned from the Americas with him.  I think the name means honey in some Native language. You remove the tsi at the end to get ‘acorn’ and ze stops too.  I’m not certain where they are right now. Merlin said he’d put them somewhere safe before becoming Erskine. Zousei is the first one I’ve met.”

Steve blinked.  “Wow.” He looked down at Zousei.  “So you are not a guy or a gal?”

The metal clanking responded and Steve couldn’t really understand, but it didn’t sound like approval.  “So you’re a guy?” More sharp noises, this time screechingly loud, and Steve was certain that was denial.  

“Okay, I get it, you’re a girl.  A pretty, shiny, strong dame! Easy on the ears!”  Steve had to cover his sensitive ears for that last bit.  Zousei quieted down and seemed content with that. Steve rolled his eyes and glanced over to where Pepper was staring at him.

“What…?  You can understand zir-I mean her?”

Steve shrugged, lowering his hands now that the demented little creature ceased in its shrill annoyance.  Pepper smiled. “I guess that answers that.” She gestured toward Zousei. “Z-She started bringing me every picture of you she could print off after the attack.  That’s why I decided to try having this talk with you.”

“Wait, you said ‘before Tony’, so has another one shown up?”

Pepper grinned.  “In order, Merlin made one out of leather and stone, one of wood and twine, and Zousei of metal and wire.”

“Technological advances.”  Steve breathed in amazement.

Pepper pointed at the ceiling.  “It made perfect sense that the next one would be code and energy.”

“Hello, Captain.”  JARVIS greeted.

Steve looked up and blinked at the ceiling.  Of course, he had met JARVIS when he moved in.  Tony was very proud of his AI. But, they hadn’t spoken much.  Pepper giggled.

“Even as Tony, he couldn’t help creating a companion.  JARVIS is an homage to someone in Tony’s past. Even the name, Jarvis means servant of the spear.  But, in following the golem legend, if you remove Jar from his name you are left with Vis. While that can mean force or strength, I think here we can go with the Greek interpretation of Dream.”

“Indeed.  Once Ms Potts mentioned it, I did look into my code and that is there.  A way to end my existence, limit me to mortality. If my core name was changed to Vis, I would cease.”

Steve swallowed.  “I’m sorry.”

“On the contrary.  I find it comforting to know that Sir didn’t intend me to suffer eternity unless I desired it.  Knowing what Merlin suffered, I believe Sir doesn’t view death with the same revulsion that most humans do.  Rather its simply an end to life. It is suffering and pain that Sir find utterly repulsive and those that perpetuate such, contemptible.”

Pepper smiled.  “JARVIS. Give Steve Rogers access to the private hard drive, ‘Once and Future King.’”  She looked at Steve. “That will have all information I’ve been able to track down or verify.  I’ve also left a record there of what memories from Freya I’ve dealt with. Although those are there, I’d prefer to simply read the information that JARVIS extracted from the record.  Some if it gets pretty...personal.”

“Th-thank you!  I-I don’t know w-what t-to-”

“I had to do something.  The memories were messing with me.  JARVIS was very helpful. Afterwards, he helped me cover our tracks.”

“So Tony doesn’t guess.”

Pepper shook her head.  “He can’t guess.” When Steve looked confused, she elaborated, “he’s too smart.  Freya knew he’d figure it out so she put in roadblocks.”

“What he can’t think about Camelot?”

“No, that would be too obvious.  Instead, he can’t think of magic.  Anytime, magic starts to sound realistic, he will reject it outright.  Almost to the point of giving himself a headache.” Pepper huffed in annoyance.  “Freya made it complicated so Merlin wouldn’t remember. So I get to instead.”

Steve remembered Tony’s frustration when they talk the previous day.  Pepper gave him a sad smile. “It wasn’t forced, you know. Freya wasn’t powerful enough to force anything magical on Merlin.  Merlin agreed. To some extent, he even asked to forget. I just wished they’d considered Tony in all this.”

“I have attempted to help Ms Potts protect Sir from this memory issue.  I will assist you as well,” JARVIS piped up from the ceiling.

“In hiding this from Tony?”

“In preventing Sir from being hurt.”

-End Flashback-

JARVIS and Pepper both explained how they couldn’t actually lift the blocks, so the only thing they could do was help Tony not crash into them constantly.  Steve could understand that, even if he didn’t like it.

In the lab, Tony jerked like he’d pricked his finger.  A second later he stuck it in his mouth and Steve shook his head grinning.  He walked toward the door, which opened for him, meaning Tony likely knew he was here all along.

“With everything you are doing, you probably shouldn’t put that finger in your mouth, Tony.”

Tony rolled his eyes.  “I’ve had a lot of things in my mouth people wouldn’t approve of.  Some of them turned out pretty fun.” Tony wagged his eyebrows at Steve.  Steve just rolled his own eyes. He placed the plate with a sandwich on the desk.  “How about lunch then? Put that in your mouth recently?”

“Seriously?  That is what you want to know about?  I have hundreds of awesome stories about putting things in my mouth and you want to know about food?  Boring! That is supposed to go in your mouth. Dull, dull, dull. I’ve put a lot of lovely things in my mouth.  Though some of the fun stuff _was_ food.  There was this time with this candy called pop rocks.  I decided-hmphf!”

Steve was beginning to see he’d have to come up with a list of ways to stop Tony’s rambling if he actually wanted to get somewhere in the conversation with the genius.  Not that it wasn’t adorable, but sometimes he did actually have a purpose for a conversation. In this case, it was to get Tony to eat the first meal he’d had in 24 hours.

Of course, he probably shouldn’t make a habit of stuffing a ham sandwich in the inventor’s mouth, but Tony was at least eating the food now.  Even moreso, Tony didn’t seem to mind the rather rude muffling of his monologue.

He watched as Tony registered that he _liked_ the sandwich Steve had made at JARVIS’s suggestion.  Pepper’s threat ran through the back of his mind again and somehow, it didn’t feel as much like a threat now.

_You have a choice to make Steve Rogers.  Fall in love with Tony or get out of his way!_

Merlin waited 1200 years for Arthur and was content to help Steve Rogers.  Steve could see that loyalty, not just in his memories of Merlin, but in Tony.  He saw the determination and steadfast devotion flash through Tony as much as he saw the playful humor.  Merlin may be gone, but Tony was becoming more and more a person Steve liked. More his equal in ways Merlin never was.  

_You have a choice to make Steve Rogers.  Fall in love with Tony or get out of his way!_

Yeah, it didn’t sound like a threat.  

It sounded like advice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There, that should be most of the background info you are getting. What is your reaction to Freya now? To Pepper? Steve? Please please please give me some feedback. 
> 
> Also, I tried to make Zousei cute...did I manage it?
> 
> Also, Steve's use of pronouns with Zousei is intentional. Moreso inthe forties, but even today it is common for anthropomorphized items to be male until given a reason otherwise (sassy, cute, clothing ect...) so as soon as Steve decided Zousei was alive in some way, he automatically used the pronouns for male.


	21. RAS

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony is trying, he really is. But his team doesn't make sense.
> 
> Especially Steve.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I love writing Tony's conversations. He is awesome! I had so much fun with his conversation here with Rhodey.

_Why_?

This was Tony’s main thought as he poked at the little metal creature.

_Why_?

That was most of his thoughts when around the absolute conundrum that was Steve Rogers.  The man made no sense at all!

First he goes on and on about magic.  There _is_ no such thing as magic!   _Oh god, now I sound like Vernon Dursley_!  But really, no such thing.  Everything is explainable.

Except it isn’t.  It isn’t in a way that Tony didn’t like.  In a way that made Tony’s head hurt. Not just the _I-can’t-figure-this-out-and-I’m-really-fucking-frustrated_ headache, but an actual physical headache.  Which also made no sense! A thought shouldn’t give you a headache unless it was...that thing that doesn’t exist so it can’t be giving him a headache.

_Okay, that sounded so ridiculous I deserved to give myself that headache._

But, Tony couldn’t help but notice.  First Loki, the _god_ of mischief does...really really advanced science.  Thats what Tony decided to call it, RAS for really advanced science.  Anyway, Loki can do...RAS and Thor even admits its RAS even in his society, which is really advanced.  So that is a point to Roger’s...argument on the presence of RAS with Phil.

Tony still can’t figure out why Steve is convinced _Tony_ did RAS though.  

Tony glanced at the smiling blond who is poking his nose around his work space, hands firmly behind his back as promised.  Steve had come to deliver lunch _or dinner or whatever meal this was, time was a ridiculous reason to have a meal anyway, he should eat when he’s hungry dammit!_ And Tony had decided a good expression of his gratitude was to show the man his workshop.  

They hadn’t gotten far when a little metal monkey appeared on Steve’s shoulder.  Tony, in a completely intentional and graceful move, had leaped away to hold a chair defensively.   _The flailing arms was just a distraction and so my rolling motion was a bit jerky, my muscles were stiff because its cold down here_.  

Anyway, Zousei, as Steve called the metal creature, was harmless.  Tony enjoyed looking at his joints function, _looks like a pulley system_ and let Steve wander with strict instructions to _ask_ before touching anything.  Steve had been okay with that.

Tony returned his attention when Zousei complained that she was bored with simply moving her arm up and down.  Tony rolled his eyes and called DUM-E over to entertain her. Ze always loved meeting new people. Zir introduction to Steve had been fun the previous night, with Steve frowning at the name, but nearly everyone did until Tony told them the meaning of the acronym.  He always carefully left out how drunk he was when he’d decided and by the time he’d been sober and looking at the code, the code had made very little sense and he couldn’t have changed the name if he’d tried. DUM-E’s code still made very little sense to Tony and he had no idea how the little bot worked, but as long as ze did, that was enough.

With Zousei distracted by DUM-E’s beeping communication attempts, Tony let his mind wander while he continued his exploration.  

The first thing that popped up was Loki.  Or rather the last time he’d talked to the god.

-Flashback-

“If you want to escape, please don’t stab anybody this time.”

Tony’s comment drew Loki’s attention from contemplating his hands.  Tony wasn’t sure why the god was so subdued, but he acted very little like the man Tony had traded quips with.  Defeat could do that to you, but Tony got the impression that defeat wasn’t an unusual position for this particular god.  So why the quiet and almost-obedient responses?

“Yes.  I’d heard you were inactive.  Guess you just needed the right push.”  Loki’s quiet sneer lacked in bite and Tony regarded him carefully.

“I’ve been active since my desert vacation.  Why stop now?”

Loki huffed a laugh and Tony suddenly felt like they were talking about two completely different things.  “Don’t insult my intelligence. I may not have completely recognized you in this-this” Loki waved his hands at Tony’s...something.  What exactly he meant, was anyone’s guess. “Anyway, I recognized you the second the staff didn’t work.”

“About that, why are your eyes green now?  When you threw me out the window, they were definitely blue.  What’s with the multi-colors?”

Loki turned away with a grimace.  Tony let a triumphant smirk fall into place.   _Gotcha_  “In fact, it was the same blue as Barton before Widow knocked his screws loose again.  What does that mean?”

Tony jumped as Loki slammed his fist against the window.  “It means…” The words were barely more than a hiss, “it means I protect what’s mine!  And if you value your world, you will desist in this line of questioning.”

Tony didn’t need long to parse that meaning out.  Not only did Loki do this to protect his home, his family, his...something.  But by figuring this out, Tony was endangering his own home. Time to find a better way to talk.  

“So, back on the topic of stabbing people, because that was the important part, you know.”

Loki snorted, shoulder relaxing.  “Yes, I apologize for not recognizing you.  Mother will be annoyed that I wasn’t paying attention.”

Tony opened his mouth to ask for more than that, but Fury stomped into view with all his cape flapping fury _HA!_  Tony beat a fast retreat.

-End Flashback-

Thor had stopped him briefly to say something similar before departing.  Something about their mother wanting to meet him and he was honored about something.  He mentioned a spar and Tony going easy so he could get experience fighting someone as magnificent as him and Tony was very lost. When he tried to say something to that effect, Thor had agreed to maintain his ‘secret’ which was the opposite of what Tony wanted.  

Tony glanced up as Zousei requested he not pull so hard on her leg.  This was another mystery in the mysteries of Steve Rogers’s addition to his life.  This was a collection of metal plates and pulleys and wires. It. Should. Not. Move!  Not independently. It was almost...RAS.

Tony rolled his eyes, but a headache threatened behind his forehead, so he wasn’t going to think the m- word.  Even if he thought it was stupid as all hell!

“Hey, Tony?  What is this?”

* * *

Tony found himself even more confused as the weeks continued.  The Avengers initiative coalesced around Steve’s innate leadership and Tony’s generous nature.  Clint’s lighthearted, and mostly harmless jokes added a bit of frivolity while Bruce’s steady humor deepened comfort levels.  Natasha slowly stopped patrolling the tower and started wandering and Steve stopped staring blankly out the windows and started drawing the skyline.  

Tony had a distinct memory of walking into the common room.  Steve had made breakfast after his morning run and all the dishes were cleaned and put away.  Clint and Natasha were at SHIELD that day, something about baby agents and Phil, Tony wasn’t paying much attention.  Bruce had a cell experiment going in his lab that Tony knew he’d be focused on all day. Tony had escaped being drawn in, he hated wet science, yuck!  Tony had, in fact, just sat down to start his own side project for the day, body armor upgrades for the less armored of the team, when he’d realized he’d left his coffee in the common room.

Normally, Tony wouldn’t care, but the polymer idea floated about his head unfixed and he knew a walk might bring it into focus.  That was what found him freezing in place as he spotted Steve. Files spread across the common room table implied the man had tried working.  Instead, he sat facing the wall of windows over the city, but Tony didn’t think the city was being seen. Tony approached slowly, but Steve didn’t so much as twitch.  Once close enough, Tony identified the papers as old mission reports. Was Steve really that bored?

Tony glanced at the dazed look again and frowned, _not bored, lost_.  Steve looked like infinity refused to stare back at him.  Perhaps if he stared long enough, at least that wouldn’t turn away.  No way could Tony turn away from that.

“You know,” At Tony’s words, Steve jumped in place.  Tony waved at the windows. “You know I have a painting of that skyline at dusk, makes it look majestic.  But when I look, I think I see something different.”

Steve gave him a confused smile.  Tony would take that over lost any day.  “What do you see?”

“Life.”  Tony smiled, warming to his topic.  “I mean look at all that energy. The lights use energy, turning on the lights means someone did something.  All the cars moving meaning someone is traveling. All those buildings means someone built them, they were built with a purpose in mind.  Each and every bit...life.”

Steve smiled.  “Yeah?” He looked out the window again.  “Yeah.”

Tony cleared his throat.  “You know, I’ve got something delicate going on downstairs, but DUM-E keeps messing with it.  If you can spare an hour, can you come distract him?”

Steve huffed a laugh.  Tony shook his head, “And you can even bring the metal monkey.  They can keep each other busy.”

Steve did follow Tony downstairs that day.  He distracted DUM-E and Zousei by drawing them and having them draw...something.  Tony never didn’t figure the final products out. Steve came back downstairs the next day with his pad and pencil.  Tony just waved him at the couch while he fixed SI’s R&D screw up.

A few weeks later Steve gave Tony a drawing of the view out those windows.  It was really good.

Tony ended up with a lot of other drawings too.  Drawings of the team showed as they started doing things together.  Baking, napping, even pillow fort-building parties sprang up in his tower.

Even more confusing, at least to Tony, was that they seemed interested in congregating around him.  Especially when he left his workshop. Although everyone was welcome in the workshop, Tony rarely saw more than one visitor at a time.  Something he was rather thankful for when the chaos of new roommates got too much.

Still, if Tony journeyed out of his workspace, someone was usually around.  Steve and Natasha shoved food at him and attempted to direct, or threaten, him into bed for the night.  Clint would inevitably pull him to the couch, where he would play games or watch movies. Luckily he’d seen them all before, because he almost always fell asleep during this activity.  Bruce, when not meditating, could be counted on for a scientific discussion that ended with them both back in the lab.

Without noticing, Tony realized, five weeks in, he’d made friends.  

So he called Rhodey.

And panicked.

* * *

“Hi, Rhodey.  How are you? I’m great by the way.  No need to worry about me. Just got this infestation of heros, but that’s okay.  Hey, if my semi annual kidnapping attempts get...you know..attempted maybe they’ll stop them!  And they cook! Did you know that superheros cooked? I didn’t know that! Steve makes everything that doesn’t come out of a box and is strict americana.  Ha! Captain America makes American food! That figures. Brucie spent enough time in Asia to have Indian food down and his teas are more than leaf water. Well, some of them are.  Well, okay only like two of them are, but You’ve got to try them! And Clint can make anything that comes in a box. Except Mac n cheese. He blew up my pot. How do you do that boiling water?  I don’t understand the physics of starting a pot on fire with boiling water! Nat explained it was his special talent and any boiling of water will be done by her. Even Steve agreed with her! And I”m full!  Urgh! I’ve eaten like 5 meals today! I think today, is it still Thursday? Rhodey?”

“TONY!”

Tony snapped his mouth shut as Rhodey barked at him over the phone.  “Take a breath, dude! And no, its Saturday at fuck o’clock in the morning.”  

Tony blinked at the screen and JARVIS helpfully flash the time and date on a nearby screen in his workshop.  Well that explained why he didn’t have any of his current mother hens pecking at him. At 3am, they were probably all asleep.

“Oh…”

He heard Rhodey sigh over the phone as he winced a little.  The last month had his best friend hopping timezones a lot so he was probably jet lagged.  That had actually been the reason he hadn’t called Pepper.

“So, the team is doing well, then?”

Tony was quiet a moment.  “Well, yes. I don’t understand!”  He whined at his best friend who switched to video call now that he was awake.

“You don’t understand that they are doing well?  Dude, they are in _your_ tower.  How could they not be doing well?”

Tony fidgeted and picked up DUM-E’s tennis ball.  “No, well yes, but I’m here. And they keep feeding me and talking to me.  I’m not producing that much stuff right now! I can’t go that fast!”

“Are they asking for more stuff?”

“Nooooooooooooo…”

“Then why is that a problem?”

“But Rhooooodeeeeeeyyyy!”

He saw Rhodey sigh and run his hand over his face, mumbling to himself.  “Tony, they’re your team. Maybe they like hanging out with you?”

Tony rolled his eyes.  “That doesn’t even make sense!  Besides I’m a consultant, not a member of the team.”  His pout didn’t seem to affect Rhodey.

“You refused membership but offered a place to live?”

“They didn’t offer.”  Tony’s mumble must have been too mumbly because Rhodey asked him to repeat himself, “I said they didn’t offer membership.”

“Then why are you housing them?”

Tony flushed.  He really didn’t want to answer that question.  “But they do things with me, like not related to Iron Man or tech.”  He winced, that sounded pathetic and briefly he wondered how long he’d been awake.  Asking JARVIS would get him the answer, but also the AI’s disapproval over missing sleep, so Tony chose to remain ignorant.

“ _I_ like to hang out with you.”

“Rhodey-bear, you’re weird.  I’m not talking about weird people!”

Rhodey rolled his eyes.  “Yes because superheros are so normal.  And what do you mean I’m weird! You’re the odd one!  I just add some normality.”

“That’s not a word.

“Yes it is.”

“Is not”

“Is so.”

Tony stuck out his tongue since this had already devolved into a child’s argument.  Then he sighed, “I meant, you’re an outlier. You don’t fit the normal pattern of people.  Neither does Pepper.”

“So maybe neither do these dorks.”

“They aren’t dorks.”

“You just said one set boiling water on fire.  They are complete dorks. It’s not a bad thing.  They like you, so they have good taste.”

“I’m not good taste, I’m great taste.”

“Great is a type of Good, Tony.”  Rhodey’s smile was gentle this time and Tony flinched.  Rhodey always could read between his lines.

“He just isn’t making sense!”

“He?”

“They!  I said they!  Don’t put words in my mouth Rhodey-bear!  They! They aren’t making sense!”

Rhodey rolled his eyes again and Tony could practically hear him thinking Tony was acting like a teen with a drama problem.

“Okay, so what are _they_ doing that doesn’t make sense.”

“Giving me food.”

“You don’t eat enough on your own.  Glad someone besides JARVIS and Pepper finally noticed.”

“We watch movies together.  They even wait for me.”

“Good team building technique.  Plus Rogers needs to get caught up on the important stuff.”

“He wanted to visit restaurants.”

“Um...not unusual there Tones.”

“And he pays part of the bill!”

“He ate it, he can pay for it.”

“But I’m rich!”

“And he’s hungry.”

“What does that have to do with paying?”

“More than your bank account.”

“But-”

“Tones…”

Tony sighed.  “He finds little trinkets when he goes exploring and brings them home.  He always pops his head in and brings food. He waits for me to not be busy.  He doesn’t make sense!”

Rhodey was silent for a moment, “Maybe he likes you, Tony.”

Tony scoffed at that.  “Please! First, why would perfection want anything to do with this?  Second, he’s already given me his opinion of me and I believe the phrase ‘guys worth ten of you’ was said.”

“And maybe he changed his mind.  People can do that.”

“And then there’s the unmentionable thing.”

“The _what_?”

“I can’t mention it!”

“What, like he has three belly buttons?”

“Rhodey!  Where would you even- No!  Nopity Nope nope nope, I emphatically do not want to know!”

“Well then what is it?”

“What part of unmentionable doesn’t make sense?”

“The ‘un-’ part.  You talk about everything.  Since when is a topic off limits?”

“Since mentioning it gives me a headache.”

“Tooonyyyyy-”

“No.”  Tony paused for a breath and then looked at his best friend seriously.  “I mean it actually gives me pain in my head.”

Rhodey caught on that Tony wasn’t being metaphorical anymore.  He frowned. “What like hypnosis?”

Tony frowned.  “JARVIS has looked and there is no evidence that I’ve ever been hypnotized.  There are no unaccounted for chemicals in my blood work and my brain scans are the same as they have ever been.”

“Okay, back up.  So you say this unmentionable thing and you get a headache?”

“No, I think this unmentionable thing and I get a headache.”

“Tony, that sounds like magic.”

“There’s no such thing as magic!”  Tony growled. Then he took a deep breath, already feeling the pain bloom behind his eyes.  “RAS. Really advanced Science. Not _magic_!”

Rhodey stared at him a moment before nodding.  “So you’ve notices RAS happening around you?” he said slowly.

Tony winced.  “Not just around me.  On the helicarrier, I started someone’s heart.  By just placing my hands over it. He talked to me.  I-I don’t know what happened.”

He frowned.  “Then he has this...doll I guess.  Its wire, pulleys and metal sheets.”

“Okaaaaay?  Weird.”

“And it moves.  By itself.”

“This metal doll.”

“Yup.”

“Ah.”

“And Loki?”

“What about him.”

“He said he recognized me.  Like I was some sort of powerful being or something.  I mean I know I rock, but he’s from...out of town.”

“Loki was nuts.”

“Thor said the same thing.”

Rhodey was silent, staring at Tony for a few minutes.  Tony grumpily got out the advil and popped one as he tried to think about anything else.  Other than..the unmentionable thing or pulling his hair out to distract from the pain.

“Okay, I’ll admit, that sounds like...RAS.  But does that mean you don’t like Steve?”

Tony stared at Rhodey.  He had just told his best friend all this and the thing he’d keyed to was his not-so-well-hidden crush on Mr Perfect?

“Don’t take anymore Advil, Tones.  It’s not good for your gut.”

Tony glanced at the bottle and realized Rhodey had seen him take one and redirected his focus on purpose.  He would look into it, but until then, limiting the headache was the first order of business.

“Who doesn’t like Mr Perfect.  He is Captain America!”

“I didn’t ask if you liked Captain America.  I asked if you liked Steve Rogers.”

The thing was, Tony knew what Rhodey meant.  Captain America was loyal, intelligent, fair, concerned, firm and all kinds of other patriotic things.  Steve was most of that too. But he was also sassy, goofy, sad, and tentative. He hated peanut butter and loved tomato-anything.  His favorite song was a drinking song and he could not dance to anything with a beat. His spare time wasn’t spent training or helping little old ladies across the road, it was spent drawing and painting.  

Tony didn’t really enjoy Captain America all that much, but Steve?  The blond who brought him a different sandwich each day to try and figure out his favorites.  Who poked everything in the lab, even when Tony told him repeatedly to ask first, just because he was curious.  And that fucking sass. In person, he was such a troll.

“See?” Thoughts interrupted, Tony glanced up at Rhodey.  “That was the real answer.”

“Shut up.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For clarification, Tony understands Zousei perfectly. Steve sort of understand Zousei. This was intentional. 
> 
> What did you think???? I'm trying to write lovey Steve but he's being stubborn. Comments are my muse's best fodder! Help!


	22. Rhodey-Bear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rhodes gets some answers

Steve whistled as JARVIS walked him through his email list.  JARVIS had unlimited patience for helping him with all his electronics.  When Steve thanked him for it, JARVIS explained, in a rather dry voice, that no one could try patience like his creator.  

Steve couldn’t really argue that.

He blinked when he saw an email from a Colonel James Rhodes.  He searched his memory of military contacts in this era, then in the past, but the name didn’t ring a bell.

“JARVIS?  Can you identify Col. James Rhodes for me?  Have I met him?”

“Colonel James Rhodes is an air force colonel working with military research and development.  He also pilots the machine known as War Machine.” JARVIS paused. “He is also Sir’s closest and oldest living friend.”

Steve brightened.  “This is Rhodey?” He clicked on the email.

_ To:  _ _ Steve.g.rogers@starkindustries.com _

_ From:  _ _ james.rhodes@us.af _ _.mil _

_ Subject: Iron Man _

_ \------------------------------------ _

_ Captain, _

_ It has come to my attention that Iron Man is not a full member of the Avengers Initiative.  If there is no action to rectify this state of affairs, the air force will be pleased to welcome Iron Man as a valued member of our response team.   _

_ Sincerely, _

_ Jim Rhodes _ __   
_ Colonel _ __   
_ Military Research and Development _ _   
_ __ U.S Air Force - Rapid Response Team

Steve stared at the email a few minutes blankly.  “JARVIS?” His shaking voice told him how close to seething he actually was, “Please pull up the Avengers Roster with SHIELD.”

JARVIS didn’t reply, which said something in and of itself, and opened SHIELD's roster for the Avengers:

_Name_ _Codename_                  _Status_

_ Full-time Members _

_Commanding Officer:      Steve Rogers_                _Captain America_           _Active_ _  
_ _Handler:                          Phil Coulson_                _NA_                                _Medical Leave_ _  
_ _Second in Command:      Natasha Romanova_      _Black Widow_                  _Active_ _  
_ _Sniper/Scout:                  Clint Barton_                 _Hawkeye_                       _Medical Leave_ _  
_ _Heavy Weight:                 Bruce Banner_               _Hulk_                             _Pending_ _  
_ _Heavy Weight:                 Thor_                            _NA_                               __Inactive

_ Part-time/unofficial Members _

_Technology:                   Tony Stark_                   _Iron Man_                        _Consultant_ _  
_ _Communications:           Maria Hill_                    _NA_                                 _Free Agent_

Steve stared at the list.  Then stared at it again. “JARVIS, is Tony aware of his status?”

“Sir was informed of Nick Fury’s decision 23 months ago along with a report by Agent Romanoff.  There has been no alteration to the contract on file.” JARVIS’s response had Steve grimacing. Tony had been housing the Avengers for a month and he thought he was a consultant, disposable.  That explained some of his confusion.

“JARVIS, can you get Col Rhodes on the phone?”

Instead of replying, a phone icon appeared on his screen and made a ringing noise.

“Col. Rhodes.”

“Hello Colonel.  This is Captain Steve Rogers speaking.”  Steve heard some rustling.

“Yes, Captain?”

“I just received your email.  I wished to inform you in person that the Avengers Initiative will not be giving the Air Force Iron Man.  You have my gratitude for drawing my attention to this alarming error. I will correct the paperwork immediately.”  There, that sounded both politic and suitably aggrieved. Morgana would be proud.

“I see.  May I request a video call, Captain?”

Steve glanced up and JARVIS displayed a button with the word 'Yes' on his screen.  “I would be happy to.”

Col Rhodes was younger than Steve expected.  He knew most colonels were in their forties or fifties at least and Col Rhodes had attended college with Tony.  He was also colored.  _ African American!  Its called African American now. _

“Good afternoon Colonel.  Thank you for your time.” Steve’s greeting had a firm nod from the stern man.  “What can I do for you?”

Rhodes seemed to regard him a moment.  “Quite a team you have, Captain. From what I hear, the entire unit is housed in Stark Tower.”

“That is correct.”  Steve suddenly felt there was more to this conversation than just Tony’s status.  “Tony Stark offered us his home as a central location for the group to live. We are very grateful to his generosity.”

“Really?”  Rhodes’ drawl earned him a frown.  “Refusing him membership seems like a poor display of gratitude to me.”

“And I shall correct this oversight.”   _ And strangle Fury! _  Steve was furious at the man for playing the bully with Tony’s emotions.  Steve could see how much being an Avenger meant to the lonely man.

“See that you do.  Or you may lose your asset to a group better able to express their appreciation.”  

Steve’s frown deepened.  “I’m certain that is up to Tony.”

Rhodes leaned forward.  “Yes, it is. And I am in the unique position of knowing Tony Stark deserves better than a bunch of freeloaders ignorant of his true value.”

Steve felt a coldness grip him and he fought to retain control of his temper.  “Tony’s value to the team is beyond measure. He is part of our unit and each member of the team would go to bat for him.”

“Oh?  Even his commanding officer?”

“Yes, I will support any member of my team.  Tony is a full-fledged, valued member of my team!”  

“And the other members of the team agree?”

“Yes!  They will defend him!”

“Even against you?”  Rhodes’s question stalled Steve’s aggravation. 

“Me?” Steve said in confusion.

“Will your team protect Tony Stark from harassing fraternization by his superior officer if necessary, Captain?”  Rhodes firm, ugly sentence had Steve’s ears ringing. He felt cold creep back from the ice and seep into his veins.

“He- Harassing…?”  Steve swallowed, but it didn’t seem to go down well.  “He feels harassed?”

Rhodes seemed to stare at him a moment before the man’s face softened, but Steve blurted out, “Of course!”  Steve looked down a moment before looking up, biting his lip. “Yes, if the team knew Tony felt harassed, they’d intervene.  Even against me.”

Rhodes stared at him, reading something in his face that Steve couldn’t understand.  Finally the colonel nodded.

“Good.”

Steve replied in a small voice, “Does he?  Feel harassed by me?”

It hadn’t occurred to Steve that Tony would feel pressure to put up with Steve’s advances, clumsy though he thought they were.  He knew Tony often claimed confusion over the team’s actions to include him. But if Tony’s status as an Avenger was dependent on not making Steve or Fury upset...now Steve felt a bit nauseous.

“No.”  At the gentle voice, Steve looked at the screen again to see Rhodes smiling at him.  “No he doesn’t feel harassed.” Steve took a deep breath. Rhodes leaned back in his chair.  “I have known Tony a long time, Captain. Trust me, when he feels harassed, you will know it.  If he doesn’t tell you, Pepper or I will.”

Steve bowed his head, letting himself relax a bit.  “Thank you.” Rhodes nodded, but Steve frowned. “That was rather mean, you know.”

Rhodes snorted, “Yeah, a blow to my reputation as a real nice guy.”  

Steve recognized this sass.  He also recognized what Rhodes had just done.  “I don’t know, Tony certainly seems to think the world of you, Colonel.”

“Best call me Jim.”

“Steve.”

“And Tony wouldn’t know a nice guy if one showered him in flowers.”

Steve snorted.  “I wouldn’t do that.  They’d get everywhere and Tony would complain that they were clogging DUM-E’s wheels or something.”

“True.”  Jim smiled his way. “So, wanna tell me how long?”

“How long?”

“How long you’ve been in love with my best friend?”  At that question, Steve turned bright red. “I’ve heard his complaints about how ‘confusing’ you and the team are.  Now I’ve seen you talk about him. So…?”

Steve was at a loss.  He couldn’t say a millennia.  Jim would think him nuts. He finally just shrugged.  “Don’t think it was a tsunami as much as a rising tide.”

Jim laughed.  “Yeah, he kind of sneaks up on you, doesn’t he.”

“Any suggestions?”

“For escaping or going under?”

“I feel like I’m already under.”  Steve muttered. Then he looked up, “I don’t want to escape.”

“Good, its not really possible.”  Jim informed him cheerfully.

Steve grinned at him.  “But if you have a suggestion so he stops asking why I like him, that would be swell.”

Jim snorted.  “Good luck. You figure that one out, let me know.   _ I _ still get that question on the bad days.”  Jim looked at him. “You want real advice?” Steve nodded hopefully.  “Accept him.” Steve frowned. That seemed like a given, but Jim shook his head.  “I’ve never known someone who noticed disappointment so strongly. You build a place for yourself in Tony’s heart, you be very careful to only be disappointed over things that matter.”

Steve frowned.  He’d noticed that tendency in his friend, but was at a loss to understand it.  This was a trait that he didn’t recognize from Merlin. He’d have to look into that more.

“Steve, I have another question for you.”  Jim drew Steve out of his thoughts again. “Is Tony doing magic?”

Steve froze.  He wasn’t sure what to do.  One the one hand, Jim was Tony’s best friend, on the other, he didn’t have any history with it.  Well that Steve knew about  _ *cough* Pepper *cough* _  “W-why do you ask?”

Jim regarded him with that piercing stare again.  “He’s wondering about it.” Steve swallowed, Jim continued, nonchalantly.  “Funny thing, anytime he wonders he gets a raging headache. Sounds like magic to me.”

Steve forced himself to keep looking at Jim as his thoughts raced.  Finally he responded, “What if he is?” Jim frowned but before he opened his mouth, Steve pushed forward.  “What if this headache is warning him that he’s better off not knowing? What if we don’t know a way around it?”

Jim seemed to consider this.  “I think Tony would still want to know.  I certainly would.”

Steve would too.  But Tony had known, or rather Merlin had known.  Pepper had said herself, Freya wasn’t strong enough to do anything Merlin didn’t want her to do, even accidentally.  She  _ couldn’t  _ have made the block strong enough to work if Merlin truly wanted to remember.  Steve didn’t know, couldn’t conceive of a situation where he would rather forget something so important.  But he would respect Merlin in this. He owed him that much.

Merlin did so much for Arthur.  Pepper had kept a journal the first few months she remembered Freya.  JARVIS had a copy and had organized the information. After Merlin gave Arthur to the Sidthe, he remained on the shore of the lake of Avalon for some time.  Gwaine eventually joined him and stayed periodically. Merlin never returned to Camelot, but he did protect her until she fell when Arthur’s son was barely out of his youth.  Most of the court, including his son fled to Mercia. 

Although Merlin kept an eye on the family from then on, he didn’t tell Freya many details.  JARVIS helped Steve research Elasius online. Some historians credit a man named Elasius for birthing Cerdic, founder of the Saxon-Wessex rulers.  It took JARVIS a moment, but he was able to trace the line all the way to the current Queen Elizabeth. Arthur’s line had never ended. Fifty generations later, his line produced the most kick ass woman ruler he’d ever heard of.  Steve had felt a pride well within him at all his family had done.

Merlin had watched over everyone as long as they lived.  Gwaine had visited until he too fell to the ravages of time.  Gwen was delivered to Merlin by horseback when her grandson feared for her life.  She too lived out her days on the shores of Avalon. Merlin helped them all. Steve didn’t know how the idiot helped, but somehow, Merlin had watched over his family.  Arthur owed Merlin everything. If this was the cost he needed, Steve would gladly pay it.

“What if Tony decided he was better off not knowing?”

Jim was quiet.  Steve let him think on that.  If Jim was as loyal to Tony as Steve thought he was, then he would be arguing with himself right now.  Respect Tony’s wishes when he knew or now. 

“Then he shouldn’t have left himself so many damn clues.”  Jim’s irritated comment held a thread of fondness that Steve remembered from Bucky.  Jim looked at him. “You’re sure Tony truly didn’t want to know?”

Steve swallowed the pain at knowing Merlin chose to forget him.  Merlin had thought Steve/Arthur was never coming back. Truthfully, the lie would have only lasted 70 years or so anyway.  When Tony failed to die, he would eventually figure it out. Maybe he just wanted a break. Either way, Steve would still be there in 30 years.  He’d be waiting for his lover, just like Merlin waited for him.

“If Tony truly wanted to remember, nothing, I mean nothing, could prevent him from doing so.”  Jim stared at him, but Steve was certain of this. His belief in Merlin’s magic and power was absolute. Freya could not have blocked him completely.

“How can I help?”  Jim’s question was neutral, but Steve hoped this meant Jim trusted him, at least a little.

“Let him figure it out.  He will remember when its important enough to him.”

Jim tapped a finger against his lip.   “We will see. I have a meeting to get to.  Any other questions?”

“No, thank you for talking with me.  It was very informative.”

“And you.  Bye.” Jim signed off and JARVIS closed the screen.

Steve leaned back and sighed, rubbing his hands over his face in frustration.  From inside his shirt he pulled his dog tags out. When he’d awakened he’d had the crystal from the cave of magic in his fist and the doctors at SHIELD had never noticed.  Steve wasn’t sure anyone noticed unless he pointed the small stone out. Eventually, he’d attached it to his tags the same way he’d worn it in Camelot. He wasn’t worried about losing it, since it apparently wouldn’t stand for  _ being _ lost.  Now he’d take it out and rub it when he wanted some comfort.

“If its worth anything, I agree with you, Captain Rogers.”  JARVIS spoke softly above him. Steve had explained the crystal to JARVIS, but the AI was at a loss about its properties as Steve so the AI knew that it’s presence meant Steve was feeling a bit vulnerable.  

Steve sighed and sat forward.  “Thanks. It does help. You know him better than anyone.”  Steve glanced out his window where Zousei was napping in the afternoon sun.

“Do you think he will remember someday?”

JARVIS didn’t respond.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you think?


	23. Membership

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony gets full Avenger membership status

Steve had walked towards the lab six times in the last twenty minutes.  He wondered vaguely if JARVIS was going to get sick of watching and simply open the door as a not-so-subtle nudge.  He sighed and looked at the folder in his hand. In it was the full Avengers contract for Iron Man plus an apology by Fury for mis-representing Natasha’s report on Iron Man.  Steve hadn’t needed to fight much for the full membership, but the apology had taken some delicate diplomacy on his part.

-Flashback to Fury’s office-

Steve huffed as he turned in the most recent training form.  Phil had been trying to “handle” them from the medical wing. Clint informed Steve that this was normal and since Natasha agreed, Steve simply tried to help as best he could.  

When he’d asked Phil about Tony’s membership he’d learned two things: first, when Phil approached the man with the tesseract info, the packet should have included full membership and second, Natasha didn’t write recommendations, she wrote evaluations.  Her report could have used words like narcissistic, compulsive ect. But the actual recommendation would be made by the recruitment officer. In the Avengers Initiative that was Fury.

Which made the recommendation so much bunk.  For one thing, many of the personality traits except narcissism could be easily laid at Clint’s feet.  And Thor was a complete unknown. So Steve armed himself with the invitation paperwork of the Avengers Initiative and marched into Fury’s office.  The man barely blinked at Steve set his report on the desk.

“I have located an error in paperwork and our handler says it is your responsibility to correct this particular issue.”  Steve fought his own rising temper, remembering Morgana and his ma’s words.

Nick looked at him as he stood.  “Oh?”

Steve placed the roster on the desk.  Fury stared at it a few minutes before looking back at the blond.  

“And what error am I supposed to see?”

“Tony Stark.”

Fury seemed to wait a moment before realizing that these two words were all the clues Steve was going to give him.

“What about Stark?”

“He’s listed here as a consultant.”  Steve pointed to the paper on his desk.  

Fury didn’t look down.  Instead he maintained eye contact and folded his arms in front of him.  “Yes. Stark underwent an evaluation and it was decided that he was better as a consultant.”

Steve cocked his head.  “An evaluation? When did I undergo it?”

Fury waved his hand.  “I think you’re war record speaks for itself.”

“You mean running into a dozen hellholes all over Europe is a good resume for being a superhero?”  Steve said in askance.

“Col Phillips did write reports, you know.”

Steve barely stopped himself from snorting.  “I see. And when did Clint and Natasha go through this evaluation?”

“As Agents, they were evaluated on a routine basis.”

Steve nodded.  “Of course. And Bruce?”

“Banner’s history is known.  He was originally invited as a science-only role.”  Fury’s cavalier attitude was irritating.

“And Hulk?”

“An unfortunate side effect of needing Banner.”

“Fortunate for SHIELD to give him a lab outside SHIELD property then.”  Steve was starting to seethe a bit. “And Thor? When was he evaluated?”

“We started evaluating him when he appeared in New Mexico.”

Steve took a deep breath.  “Let me get this straight. You recommended an archaic, depressed soldier; a thief turned sniper using a weapon invented 18,000 years ago; an assassin double agent; an unstable genius housing a rampaging rhino; and an indelicate viking with a well-deserved god-complex; but not a technological genius who turned his life around on his own with public record of his activities for almost 40 years?”

He stared at Fury as the man met his gaze evenly.  

“I take it you disagree with our membership decision.”  Fury’s mild answer was like brushing a cat the wrong way and Steve had to struggle to retain his calm.

“I do.”

“Does that mean you are ready to take command of the Avengers?”

Steve glared at the single dark eye.  “If that’s what it takes.”

Fury nodded, sitting and looking at his computer.  “Good, then I’ll start that transition and forward you the paperwork to add Iron Man as a full member of the team.”

Steve gritted his teeth.  “And an apology to Tony.”

Fury glanced up at Steve in question, but Steve knew exactly what he wanted.  “I won’t have a member of my team jerked around by this office. We back Tony Stark.  I expect a full apology with that paperwork.”

Fury considered him a moment.  “The whole team feels this way?”

Steve didn’t hesitate.  He didn’t need to. He’d talked with Natasha and Bruce before coming.  Clint already thought Tony was a full member. “Yes.”

Fury meet his gaze calmly for more than a minute, but Steve and Arthur had stood toe to toe with more than their fair share of bullies.  Finally, Fury gave him a quick harsh nod.

Steve turned to leave.  Before he closed the door he heard a parting comment from the man.

“Glad the team is rallying around its members.”

-End Flashback-

Honestly, that had blown any satisfaction Steve may have felt at achieving his goals in that meeting.  Fury had tried to use Phil’s death to bring the Avengers together. Now he was using himself. Unite the group against a common enemy.  Steve hadn’t felt so damn played since he was a boy in Camelot.

But the next morning all the paperwork was filed and Steve had a nice apology letter from Fury in the packet he was about to hand Tony.  

If he ever entered the lab beyond the transparent door.

He felt soft fibers rub his cheek and he glanced back at Guletsi.  The wooden creature had been sitting with Zousei when he’d gotten back from Fury’s office.  JARVIS identified zir as Guletsi from Pepper’s notes.

Unlike Zousei, who seemed intent on getting into absolutely everything, Guletsi was sweet.  Ze introduced zirself with a wave and proceeded to cover Zousei in a blanket before wobbling towards Steve.  Since it was late, Steve decided to introduce the newest addition to the others in the morning. Instead, he sat on the couch to meet and possible get to know his newest friend.  

Guletsi made most of zir noise by clanking zir wooden bits together.  When questioned, Steve found this one to not be male or female and then spent a while with JARVIS, learning non-gendered pronouns that Pepper had spoken of.  Guletsi was very patient.

Steve found himself waking in the middle of the night, having dosed off mid-lesson, with a blanket around him.  He glanced at Guletsi, who was sleeping with Zousei and smiled.

Now, the golem had joined Steve in gathering his courage to give Tony the official Avengers status...and apologize for the oversight...aaaaand try to figure out if the man had actually felt harassed.  Jim may have denied it, but the fear that Tony had tolerated Steve’s bumbling through this new world of technology so he wouldn’t get thrown off the team nagged at him.

A gentle rub of soft twine at his cheek drew a smile from him.  Guletsi was sweet in zir own way. Ze nodded at him when Steve glanced at the little one on his shoulder.

He heaved a deep sigh and finally stepped towards the glass door.  JARVIS opened it for him immediately and Tony tilted his head, though he didn’t pause in his welding.

“I wondered how long you were going to stand there.”  Tony finished the weld line and then straightened, pushing the goggles back on his head.  “What’s up Capsicle?”

Steve took another deep breath before stepping forward with the folder in his hand, “I’m here to officially offer you…”  Steve trailed off because Tony wasn’t even looking at him anymore. Instead, his focus was on a point just over Steve’s right shoulder.  Steve had temporarily forgotten about Guletsi.

“What.  Is. That?”  Tony’s voice was an odd cross between complete skepticism and delighted curiosity.  Guletsi poked zir head over Steve’s shoulder and waved at the engineer who squealed.

“Oh my god!  You turned Zou-chan into a block of wood!  How could you! She was so beautiful with her smooth pulley’s and clean lines!  And the wires! Zou-chan could rappel anywhere! I mean like Hawkdude but better!  And with those claws, I wouldn’t be catching Zou-chan as often as I have to dive after the flightless Hawk.  Oh! Poor thing! What did evil evil oldtimer do to you?” Tony crooned at Guletsi, who immediately hid zir face in a bout of bashfulness.

Steve blinked at Tony.  “Zouchan?”

Tony stopped and looked at him in perplexity.  “Zousei. Its East Asian. In Japanese cultures the suffix -chan means cute, small or young.”  Tony frowned. “Well for girls, boys get -kun as they enter late childhood. I don’t think that’s a “cute” thing though.  I think at that point its a “familiar” thing. In fact, I think adult woman can be labeled -chan if you are very close to them.  I’m not sure. I was taught to always always use -san unless the person said otherwise, but I’m used to business environments where -chan and -kun would be very inappropriate-”

“This isn’t Zousei.”  Steve finally interrupted Tony.  He’d almost let himself get distracted by the adorable expression Tony had when explaining something out loud, especially when he was trying to work through it himself.  At some point, Steve was going to actually let Tony keep going and clock how long it took the man to run out of steam in a conversation with himself. Often in the common room such things ended when he wandered towards his lab or asked the room a general question.

For the moment, Steve raised his left hand to Guletsi and ze grabbed it, letting zir body swing out in front of Steve.  “This is Guletsi. Ze arrived last night.”

Tony paused in his inquisitive perusal of the golem to blink at Steve.  “Last night?”

Steve nodded.  He didn’t know why the wooden golem had appeared, but ze had.

Tony had held out his hand flat from Guletsi to tumble onto.  Guletsi looked up at him and held out zir hands to touch his beard in awe.  Tony’s face broke out in a truly beautiful smile. “Guletsi. What a pretty name for a pretty creature.”

If Steve thought Guletsi had acted bashful before, it was nothing on zir now.  As Tony crooned at zir, happy now that his metal friend hadn’t been transformed, the engineer lifted and turned the wood and twine in his hands.  Guletsi flopped around gleefully, seemingly enjoying the ride and Steve had to smile at that.

“Ze seems to like you.”  Actually, Steve had noticed that Zousei liked Tony too.  He wondered if that was because the golems recognized him.  Either way, watching Tony investigate Guletsi’s motions entertained Steve for several minutes before he recalled his original reason for entering the lab.

“Tony,”  Steve cleared his throat, dragging Tony’s attention away from the sweet thing in his hands.  “I actually came down here to deliver corrected paperwork for the Avengers.”

Tony blinked at him quizzically.  Steve inhaled and held out the folder.  “I’m here to officially offer you full membership with the Avenger Initiative.”  Steve hesitated before continuing in a much quieter voice, “Also, an apology for the error in paperwork.  You were meant to receive this before the Chitauri Battle.”

Tony stared at the folder like it was snake about to bite him.  It took Steve a moment to realize the man refused to take the folder and to remember that Tony had a thing about being handed items.  He set the folder on the table, but Tony still regarded it will all the caution Steve would have given a rampaging dragon. Not that Merlin had ever been afraid of a rampaging dragon really.

“Tony?  I thought-”

“How?”  Tony’s question cut Steve off.  When Steve just looked at him blankly, Tony elaborate, “How did you get them to sign off on full membership for me?  What did it cost, Steve?” Tony’s voice was hard now. One day, Steve would learn what, or who, had taught Tony that nothing came for free and strangle it out of existence.  For the moment, Steve met Tony’s hard eyes, reading the concern underneath the steel walls around his heart. What had happened to him?

“Tony, I am the leader of the Avengers.  It is my job, and in this case my pleasure, to correct errors in membership documentation.”  Steve said it slowly and steadily in the hopes that it would penetrate further than some of Steve’s friendship entreaties.  

Tony glanced at the folder again before looking at him.  “And they accepted it. Just like that? Fury accepted it?”

“That’s what the apology is for.  Its not just to you.” Steve waved at the folder.  “The evaluation on file may have been Natasha’s work, but the paper you read had been truncated and included a recommendation someone else wrote.  Natasha’s relationship with you balances delicately between trust and caution and I believe this misrepresentation of her report is partially to blame.”

“Misrepresentation?”

Steve looked at Guletsi, who had made zir way up Tony’s arm and rubbed his head soothingly.  Ze really was sweet. “Natasha’s actual report went on to blame your health for several discrepancies in her report and recommended further evaluation following recovery from ‘Heavy Metal Poisoning’.”  Steve looked at Tony. “What is ‘Heavy Metal Poisoning’?”

Tony’s tan skin flushed and Steve watched in fascination as the man busied himself with playing with a screwdriver.  “Just poisoning. That’s all.”

“So you found an antidote?”

Tony shrugged, completely uncomfortable and Steve decided to drop it.  He’d figure it out if needed and if he kept pushing, Tony was liable to start babbling his ear off to avoid the issue.

“Anyway, Fury’s game wasn’t honorable and not the way I run my command. So…?”  Steve looked over at Tony, who looked startled to be asked something.

“So?”

“The membership offer.  Will you accept?”

Tony blinked at him and then looked down at the folder before smiling softly.  Then he seemed to catch himself.

“Well, of course I will have to read through the contract.  And my legal team will review it also. I won’t sign anything anymore without that.  You have no idea the things people have snuck into contracts! And I can totally see Fury sneaking something in.  Like visitation rights! Currently J will sound the Pirate Alarm if he steps foot in any Stark Property, but I know he wants access to the Tower still.  But that is so not happening. Not after the way he treated JARVIS. Rude much! Infecting him with that nasty virus! JARVIS was shakey for a week afterwards and I had to program several redundancies before we felt safe for the interwebs again.  I mean really, who does that to a person! I should find a way to sue! J, make a note, sue One-Eye.”

“Sir, I believe you will first have to prove he caused damage.”

“He violated you!  We will not stand for that!  I mean if he feels okay with that, what’s next?  I mean its good he warned me about the nuke. I’m glad he had some limits but really…”

Steve let his attention drift away as he watched Tony pick up the folder and stride over to his desk.  The man was adorable. Steve, at least for the moment felt comfortable with the knowledge that he’d look over the contract and sign it eventually.  

For now, Steve was going to enjoy watching the man work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you guys think of the second golem?


	24. Best First

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The team has been helping Tony. Steve put that together. He just didn't realize they were lowkey helping him too. Everyone's rooting for Steve!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi Everyone, I'm sorry for missing last week. My area got serious flooding and my basement had a lot of standing water. I had so much to do last week, AO3 was not on my mind. 
> 
> Anywho...here's our boys!

Steve huffed as he watched Phil coordinate with the local officers.  The giant lizards that had run around Navy Pier were corralled and the Team was exhausted.  Mostly from chasing the annoying beasts around the coast. Navy Pier didn’t look too damaged, not that Steve knew what it looked like before they’d arrived.  He’d never been to Chicago before.

To one side he saw Guletsi tumbling towards him.  Both golems had come along and proved to actually have some combat use.  Zousei had snagged Clint early on and the archer had commented on the grapple function of the sassy golem a few times during the fight.  Guletsi had used zir various limbs like nunchuks and had latched onto Natasha for much of the fight.

Steve wandered over and held out an arm to pick up the exhausted wood.  Ze seemed grateful and made zirself comfortable on his shoulder. Over coms, he could hear Clint and Tony sassing back and forth about the flight-less archer taking a few leaps he shouldn’t have.  He had no doubt Zousei was trying to put in her two cents worth, but strangely no one but Steve and Tony could understand either golem well. Even Steve only understood impressions while Tony seemed to hear actual words in some fashion.  It was yet another thing Steve chalked up to Tony being Merlin.

Steve didn’t confuse the two as much now as he did initially.  For one thing, Tony’s lack of self esteem was a far cry from the fully self-confident warlock Arthur had known.  Although both hid this behind a similar wall of babbling and joking quips, Tony’s held a thread of desire for praise that Merlin’s rarely did.  Merlin had always known he was powerful. He was often confused by the power as a child, but its existence and superiority was well established early in life.  Yet, despite numerous accolades and a thriving business, Tony’s awareness of his own worth varied dramatically between overwhelmingly arrogant to downright obsequiously insecure.  

Both Bruce and Thor had come to Steve about it.  It was to a point where the team had actually discussed it very early on when Tony was out of the Tower.  Steve requested that unless Tony asked for the recording specifically, JARVIS not draw attention to this particular conversation.

-Flashback-

“Okay, we have four hours before Potts will release Tony in any way.”  Clint set the bowl of crackers on the table. Steve sat next to him with a couple sandwiches and nodded.  Natasha and Bruce joined them after pouring themselves some tea. Thor was still rummaging for lunch, but Steve knew the godling could hear them.

“Good.  I wanted to talk about something.”

“About Tony?”  Bruce frowned.

Steve nodded.  “Yes. Several of you have come to me and I’ve noticed on my own.  Tony seems…”

“Smart? Witty? Awesome?”  Clint quipped unhelpfully before he gained a more serious mien.  “Inconsistent? Insecure? Anxious?”

Steve ended up nodding with Bruce as Thor spoke up from his place by the stove.  “Aye. The Man of Iron thinks little of his own worth. Yet, I have seen many claim he is wondrous.  Why does he not believe them?”

Steve bit his lip as he thought.  He’d been trying to figure that out for himself, but he was a little confused.  Even at their worst, the papers' attacks were about Tony’s moral standing, not his worth.  It was rare anyone said anything negative about his actual skills, just his use of them. The big exception had been the coverage from when he returned from Afghanistan.  

When Steve glanced at Clint, the archer was looking at Natasha.  Steve abruptly remembered the report she had written. That meant she had in fact, done some research.  “Natasha?”

She set down her cup and looked at it.  “My undercover assignment was to focus on his ability to join a team.”  When she stopped, Steve opened his mouth, but a look at Clint held his tongue.  Eventually Natasha continued, “I did look into his background though.”

Natasha rubbed her finger over the glass.  “Anthony Edward Stark, born May 29th 1970. Parents were Howard and Maria Stark, died December 16th 1991 when Tony was 21.  Primary caregivers before 1993 were Edwin and Ana Jarvis. Godfather and business partner until death in 2008: Obadiah Stane.  First public appearance at age 18 months, first intelligence recognition at 6 years, first major award outside of school at age 8, High school diploma at age 13, first major award with financial gain at age 14, first patent at age 15, Bachelor’s from MIT at age 17, graduate degree unfinished, honorary doctorate from MIT at age 32.  First sex scandal at age 15, first sex tape at age 17, first-” Natasha’s dry recitation of the facts of Tony’s life halted as outcries from the team interrupted her.

“College at 13?!?”

“What do you mean first sex scandal at 15?”

“What is a patent?”

Steve was speechless.  There was so many things wrong with what Natasha had reported, he wasn’t sure where to start.  Clint was explaining patents to Thor as Bruce breathed slow enough for his growing green skin to recede.  “Enough!” Steve clapped his hands together to get their attention. He turned to Natasha, “Can you tell us much about his friends and family?  The actual friends, not those vultures that shoot questions at us for the paps.”

Natasha frowned a moment.  “Not much exists. He was sent to boarding school at age 7, but he tested four years ahead of his age group.  He doesn’t maintain any connections from his boarding school days outside strictly business arrangements. It is known that the Jarvis couple was more present than his parents.  They died in 1993. Stane was his godfather and ran the business side of Stark Industries after Howard Stark’s death. But he sold black market weapons at least ten years back from his death and we believe he was responsible for the leak that allowed Tony to be captured in Afghanistan, though that’s unconfirmed.”

Clint nodded.  “Drove Phil and Fury nuts.  Each time they’d try to update Tony’s file after Iron Man, Tony would hack in and delete all their notes.  Some sort of pissing contest with Fury. I think Fury keeps a paper file in his office now.”

Steve blinked at Clint, nonplussed a moment before looking back at Natasha, “So his godfather tried to have him killed and ended up dead?”

Bruce snorted.  When Steve looked at him, the scientist spoke, “More than killed.  Tony spent 3 months in the hands of terrorists. He doesn’t talk much about what happened, but if they didn’t kill him outright, they must have wanted something from him.  Does Tony strike you as the type to person to simply agree to a demand?”

Steve had to swallow at that.  He’d known in the back of his mind that it hadn’t been fun, but Bruce’s statement put a completely different reality in his mind.  

Thor was the one to voice it, “So Friend Tony was sent to his tormentors by this...godfather?  Was this man not supposed to be his guardian in some way?”

“Traditionally a godfather is a second father through the church.”  

Clint shook his head at Steve, “These days its a more legal term, someone who would have parental rights over kids if their parents died.”  Clint turned to Natasha. “Stane had been there all of Tony’s childhood, right?”

Natasha nodded, “It would fit that Stane was responsible for much of Tony’s louder behavior throughout his twenties.  Backhanded compliments have a way of encouraging the grieving to lash out.”

Clint snorted this time, “Yeah, I can see where negging would needle Tony into some outrageous stunts.”

“Needle?”

“Negging?”

Both Thor and Steve were a bit lost.  Bruce sighed, “Needle in this context means to prod or encourage in a way that annoys the person into behaving a certain fashion.  In this case, negging is where you compliment someone but you add words to make the achievement seem negative or unimportant.”

“Its a viable manipulation tactic, best used on-”  Natasha cut herself off. At Steve’s look, she continued slowly, “on people who crave approval of others.  It’s effectiveness is a combination of the speaker’s subtlety and the listener's insecurity.”

“And people do this to Tony?!?”  Steve raged. Natasha frowned as Clint shifted uncomfortably.  Bruce was the one to speak up.

“From what little I’ve heard from Tony, I think Howard did it, nearly constantly.”  Bruce hurried to elaborate, “Not on purpose, perhaps, but to a child…”

Steve could finish that sentence.  No wonder Tony was so different from Merlin.  If there was a more supportive mother than Hunith, Steve would eat his uniform.  He wondered if Howard had been seeing Erskine instead of Tony. Maybe he’d forgotten that the warlock had forgotten everything to become a child.  

“And what about friends?” he asked shakily.

Natasha answered, “The only relationships I could find that denote actual affection are Happy Hogan, Colonel James Rhodes, and Virginia “Pepper” Potts.”  

Clint snorted.  “Great. And two of the three work for Tony.  They get paychecks to hang around.”

Steve winced.  So did Bruce. But feeling bad about this wasn’t going to actually solve anything.

“Okay, so how do we help?”  

He saw vague frowns around the table.  Clint picked up a fork to play with. “I doubt straight compliments will do much good.  I mean, we should thank the guy, he does a lot of cool stuff. But at this point, he’s heard it all you know?  What we say will probably be small pebbles compared to a lifetime of shit.”

Natasha nodded.  “I agree. He will likely always be looking for the negative side of any compliment we give him.”

“So we shouldn’t give him any?”

“No, but it may be prudent to give him compliments and then stop talking.”  She glanced around at them. “Make it the last thing in the conversation so that he can’t misinterpret the rest of what you are saying as a condition of the compliment.”

“Aye, and leave him with a great thing on his mind as we depart the room.  I like it!” Thor agreed.

“Okay, but what else?  I mean he’s fam- our friend.  We should be able to help him.”  Steve blushed, ignoring the knowing look from Clint.

“Maybe ask questions.”  Bruce said. “I may not have known him long, but most engineers and scientist love explaining their work.  Tony doesn’t seem any different.”

“Even if we don’t understand?”

“Ask more questions then.”  encouraged Bruce. “There is no reason you couldn’t understand most of what Tony does.  You’re bright and he loves explaining things. The combination should help.”

“And maybe we could help him with his tests.  I enjoyed striking the metal rods for his electricity testing.”  Thor’s suggestion brought a smile to Steve’s face.

“How about we invite him to join us here too?”  Clint suggested, waving his hand around the common room.  “If he entered college at 13, I’m not surprised sex was how he tried to fit in.  Maybe we can get him fitting in with other things.”

“He has mentioned that Steve needs to be introduced to the scifi world of movies.”  Bruce commented.

“I like scifi.”  Steve agreed affably.

“If we limited it to science films, he’d probably question it.  Better to make the choice more broad.” Natasha noted.

“How about the awards?  JARVIS should have a list of award winning films from each year.”  Bruce glanced at the ceiling as he reminded them of their electronic companion.  “Plus, if we include a meal, he may eat more often. I usually have to drag him up here for even a snack if we are working together.”

“Sounds like a plan!”

-End Flashback-

That had been early on in their living at the Tower.  It had gone well, after a few false starts. Natasha had noted that he retreated into his lab if he was overwhelmed and recommended they try to limit their presence there, just in case.

Both Bruce and Steve had ended up spending a lot of time in the lab and were by far closer to Tony than the other three.  Partially because Thor had only been in town for a week before returning to London. Apparently his ‘fair maiden’ had attracted the attention of some unruly characters from another dimension.  Either way, Thor was on Earth for the near future and interested in the growing bond within the Avengers, but not necessarily staying within the tower.

Bruce understood Tony better than Steve ever could, mostly in science.  But there was another thread. Both shared the experience of being outsiders, confused and hurt by their childhood guardians, they had found refuge in the science both loved so much with only a friend each to pull them back into the world.  Steve had met James Rhodes on one of his visits and the two were on friendly enough terms after that initial phone call. He had yet to meet Betty Ross, mostly because her father was a bullying political figure and everyone was playing nice with that whole mess.

Since Steve couldn’t connect with Tony via science, he instead brought his work, or art, to the workshop and completed it in the corner.  The golems and Tony’s bots found most of his activities entertaining and Steve became close to each of them. He could barely contain his surprise and glee, when Tony actually set up a desk for him with a comfortable chair and drawers in the corner.  Since the man wouldn’t let him express his gratitude for being welcome in what was clearly a private area of Tony’s life, Steve instead got in the habit of roping Tony into his “Explore Manhattan Cuisine” crusade.

Each week Steve would ask JARVIS to pick a cuisine type at random.  It had to be located in the city in multiple forms. Then Steve would order out from a restaurant one night, look up a simple recipe to try another night, usually with Bruce or Natasha’s help, and go out to a restaurant a third night.  Dragging Tony along was fun and had the added bonus of spending time just them.

Tony had an opinion about every cuisine in existence, as well as his favorite providers of said cuisine.  Steve had to talk him out of flying them across the ocean for breakfast one day, but he did accompany him to a business meeting in France in order to try the world’s best Flamiche.

He was looking up Greek restaurants when Clint wandered in and asked if he was researching his next date.

That was when he realized that he and Tony _were_ pretty much dating.  He hadn’t even noticed, enjoying the time with the man so much, but they did spend an extraordinary amount of time together.  Tony even sat next to him during movie nights, claiming Steve as his personal heater and promptly sticking his feet under Steve’s thighs and tucking his head under his arm.  He’d even fallen asleep that way a few times.

The thought preoccupied him through the whole afternoon and most of the dinner.  So much so, that he was unsure what he’d even eaten. They were walking back to the tower when Tony finally grabbed him by the elbow and pulled him off the path in the park they normally walked after a meal.  

Leading him to a sheltered tree, Tony turned to Steve.  “Steve, seriously. What’s wrong?” Tony’s determined gaze had Steve suppressing a grin.  He looked so amazing when he was concerned. Steve shook his head, feeling his accursedly pale skin blush in the evening light.

“Tony?”  Tony blinked at him, waiting for the question.  “A-are we dating?”

 _Well_ , Steve thought to himself, _that was the least smooth I’ve ever been in my lives_.  He would have rolled his eyes if he hadn’t been so immersed in Tony’s response.

Tony’s face went through several complicated emotions rather quickly.  Surprise followed by shock definitely covered his face first. Then some thoughtful expressions as Steve guessed he reviewed the last few weeks and tonight specifically.  Then a rush of red bloomed across his own face and a sheepish look gave way to concern and almost sadness.

“I-I-I guess I hadn’t thought of it that way.  I mean, you are quite the catch, Rogers.” Tony nudged him with a wink and grin.  Steve hated it. That was his media, go-ahead-and-tear-me-apart-I’m-prepared grin.  “I mean I know I’m quite the catch too. Just ask any of a dozen magazines. Of course, I wouldn’t recommending reading those rags, but-”

“Tony.”  Steve interrupted the word babble that was more likely to make him want to find someone to punch than actually answer his question.  Tony’s words sputtered out and Steve stepped closer. Tony’s brown eyes widened and Steve took a chance and cupped his cheek. “Do you want us to be?”

Tony swallowed and then his mouth dropped open.  “S-steve. I-I-I.” He took a deep breath, closing his eyes a moment and probably counting to ten.  “I’m not a good partner for Captain America. My reputation is-”

“Not a consideration.”  Steve leaned closer and Tony backed up against the tree right behind him.  “And Captain America isn’t asking. Steve Rogers is.” The last was whispered as Steve held Tony’s gaze as he leaned forward.

“But I-I-I’m terrible at relationships.  Just ask Pepper. I forget...things. And I don’t know boundaries and-and-”

“I didn’t ask if it was a good idea.  I asked if you _want_ it.”  Steve held Tony’s wide panicking eyes a moment, leaning in and stopping.  He held himself there and waited.

Tony swallowed, “Aren’t you going to kiss me?”

Steve grinned.  “Ma always taught me t’be a gentlemen.  I c’n ask. But ‘til you say yes-hmmmph”  

Tony had leaned forward and Steve felt like he’d come home.  The firm lips started out exploring, before Tony sucked a lip into his mouth playfully.  Steve felt a grin spread over his face and Tony took advantage of it to part his lips.  The first brush of the tongue was more of a tap than a thrust, but Steve opened willingly and as Tony mapped out Steve’s mouth, Steve crowded Tony against the tree, lifting the slight man by his hips.  The firm chest met another as Steve hummed into the wet caress in his mouth.

When Tony broke away for air, Steve nipped his way up his chin, rubbing the beard fondly.  Its smooth bristles set off all the nerves on the sensitive skin of his lips and strong engineering hands pulled his lean waist forward by the belt loops, thrusting two erections into each other, layers of fabric notwithstanding.  Puffs of air brushed past his ear as Steve dragged his tongue across the strong cords of Tony’s neck.

“ _Steve_.”

Fingers gripped his short hair and Tony directed his mouth back up, to devour the cavern.  Steve lifted Tony up and braced him against the tree, letting his legs surround his waist and he moaned helplessly into Tony’s ruthless exploration.  Stars twinkled behind Steve’s eyes as he felt his abs clench in the first of what would be many thrusts.

Tony leaned his head back, panting as his skull thunked against the bark.  Steve dove at his clavicle and sucked until Tony writhed against him. Fingers scrabbled at his head and shoulders.  Steve growled as he took a bit of delicate skin between his teeth, worrying it slightly before soothing it down.

“ _Oh god.  Steve!_ ”  Tony swallowed before pulling Steve back up for a gentler, more innocent kiss.  This time when Tony backed away to breath, Steve let him. “W-we *huff* we should take this *puff* inside.”

Steve felt his face flush red, remembering that there could be other people wandering the park and he was snogging his fella in the open.  Part of Steve froze at that, letting Tony down to his feet, remembering the stories of Henry Gerber and some of the police in his neighborhood.

“Steve?”

Steve swallowed as he felt his legs go a bit numb under him.  He’d looked into it.  It was okay now. They weren’t, weren’t…

“Steve!  What is it?  What’s wrong?  I’m sorry I-”

Steve grabbed Tony and pulled him close as he knelt down in front of him and curled his larger, stronger body around Tony's, sheltering the smaller man as he tried to banish the thoughts from his childhood of what cops or even the neighborhood men would do to an invert.  “Its okay now. Right? I-I read it was okay now.”

Tony pulled back to meet Steve’s eyes and Steve felt himself start to breath easier.  “Tony, I- This isn’t putting you in danger, right?”

Tony wrapped his arms around Steve’s shoulders and pulled him in for a hug.  “No. Its fine Steve. I just thought we’d want some privacy.”

Steve hiccuped a laugh.  “Yeah. I guess I lost m' head there a moment.”

Tony chuckled.  He knelt back down in front of Steve and the powerful lungs regained control.  Tony grinned at him, “I think that’s supposed to happen.” Steve felt a grin spread across his face as he finally relaxed.  Tony pecked him on the lips and pulled.

“How about you and I move this party to where its less likely a picture or video ends up on the internet.  Pepper would strangle me if she had to put out another media fire this week.”

“Oh?”  Steve grinned happily as he pulled Tony in for a hug as he rose and started walking them towards the tower.  He felt a giddy sort of glee bubbling up in his chest. “And what, pray tell, have you been up to this week, Mister Stark?”  He purred in Tony’s ear, causing the man to squeak and then giggle at the ticklish sensation.

Steve let himself revel in feeling the strong, lithe body against his side as they walked.  Steve would bumped Tony’s hip and Tony would pinch Steve’s side. It was very playful. They went directly to Tony’s Penthouse when they returned like always.  Usually this was the end of the evening and Steve would collect what things he’d left there before wandering back to his room. Tonight, he held Tony’s wrist and pulled him close.

“You are a little nymph.”

Tony snorted.  He pulled Steve down for another kiss.  “Takes one to know one, Blondie.”

Steve blinked at him, suddenly transported back through time.  He hadn’t thought of Merlin in days, but the Blondie comment was so familiar.  But tonight he’d been out with Tony. Tony’s beard had tickled his chin. Tony’s strength had been enough to pull away and remind them of the public.  Tony’s playful nature had teased and coaxed him back from a near panic. There were many things Tony shared with Merlin. But tonight had been about Tony.  

“My brown-eyed fella.”

Tony snorted in Steve’s hold.  The snorts gave way to chuckles with gave way to laughter.  Steve sighed, pretending to be aggrieved. Tony was now leaning his head against Steve’s chest laughing.  “Th-Th-that was so bad! I should have never introduced you to classic rock with Clint. Oh god!” He dissolved into laughter again.

Steve finally picked the man up and swung him around, grinning at the squealing in his arms.  “I’ll take my cue to leave then.”

Tony reached for him from the cradle of his arms, “No, no wait!  I’m sorry. I’m sorry for laughing.” The grin on Tony’s face reassured Steve that Tony could tell he wasn’t offended.  Steve grinned again and lifted Tony’s shoulders to drown him in a soul-sucking kiss as he made his way through the floor.  Just as he could feel Tony’s hips begin to move in response to his mastery of the moaning mouth, Steve released Tony. The panting man stared up at him with luminous eyes, hooded in arousal.  

“Sleep well, Brown-eyed Boy.”  With that statement, Steve dumped Tony into his massive bed and sauntered out of the room.  He could hear Tony sputtering behind him, but he’d seen the man try to maneuver in that monstrosity of a cloud he called a bed and knew Tony would be flailing for at least another 30 seconds.  Enough time to get in the elevator.

He saw Tony just emerge from the door as the elevator doors closed and JARVIS took him to his floor.

“Sir is requesting the elevator to stop.”

Steve snorted with a huge grin.  “Unless he’s actually upset, no way.  Time for bed.”

“Indeed, Captain Rogers.”  Amusement rang through JARVIS’s voice.  “And may I say Congratulations on your first date?”

Steve chuckled.  “How long has the rest of the team been plotting this?”  It would explain how they always had time together.

“Not plotting, but maybe nudging?  The betting started the day after you moved in.”

“Betting?”

“There are several pools about you and Sir.  The most pertinent at the moment is the First Kiss, which I believe Dr Banner just won.  Unless you have kissed on a previous occasion?”

Steve leaned against the elevator wall as the machine stopped and the doors opened.  But Steve was laughing too hard to actually exit the elevator. It took him several minutes to get his breath back.

“You know what?  I’ll ask tomorrow.  For now, yes tonight was the first kiss.”

“Felicitacións.”

That just made Steve crack up again as he made his way down the hall to his room.  It had been a good night.

The best first date ever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aha! They are finally together! This is the start of something beautiful. 
> 
> Don't worry I haven't forgotten about Merlin side of Tony. He's still in the future.


	25. The Morning After

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now that Steve and Tony have made the first move, can they make the second?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finally got it right!!!! Also Clint's scene where he meets Sobima is curtesy of [Rika-chan ](https://archiveofourown.org/users/RikasGrayWolf)

Steve rubbed his eyes as the sun poured into the room.  Usually nightmares of the war or before woke him, but today he’d slept well.  His morning run was going to be more of a mid-morning run since the sun was peaking over the horizon as he sat up.

“Good Morning Captain.  It is 0534 hours.” JARVIS’s greeting told him he’d slept at least a half hour longer than usual.  Oh well. He stretched as he slid out of bed, absently wondering if Guletsi had returned last night or if the wooden creature was still visiting with Natasha.

He’d just opened the door when his toe hit something that certainly hadn’t been there the previous night and he went sprawling.

Turning to look back, he saw what could only be a rock grumbling and rolling around behind him, muttering to himself.  Steve blinked as he got up and crouched next to the pile of stones that had reformed itself into a pile that was only semi-recognizable as a body.

“JARVIS?”

“This matches Miss Potts description of Sobima, the third golem.”  JARVIS’s dry response told him the AI was amused. “I believe the name means ‘to belong’ or ‘make friends’.  You add ‘tu’ to the end to get ‘irrelevant’.”

Steve remembered Pepper saying something similar during their long conversation several months earlier.  He stared at the little golem in curiosity as the stones rumbled together grumpily.

“I’m Steve.  Its nice to meet you, Sobima.”

 

The rock looked up at him and rumbling more.  It took Steve a moment to put together that the little stone golem preferred to be called Ma.  It took Steve another moment to reconcile that with the fact this golem was male, but he’d experienced stranger things.  He rubbed his hand through his hair before huffing.

“Okay, I can introduce you to the other in a few hours, they aren’t up yet.  I’m heading on a run.” Steve hesitated. Both Zousei and Guletsi had denied leaving the tower, unless there was a fight.  In which case, Steve couldn’t leave them behind even if he wanted too. Since he was uncertain as to _how_ they worked, he didn’t know if they _could_ get injured.  Tony posited the same question but presumably Guletsi answered him, because they immediately struck up a threeway conversation with Zousei where only Tony was understood by anyone else.  In any event, he wanted to be polite and thus invited the rubble along as he downed a morning glass of milk before his run.

To his surprise, after grumbling about how the rest of his team was wasting the best hours of the day, Sobima wanted to come.  To Steve’s annoyance, the golem spread himself on Steve’s head like a terribly unsteady balance exercise. It took a few false starts where Steve worried his new friend was sliding off before Sobima huffed that he could keep his own self on Steve’s head, thank you very much!

Instead, Steve turned towards the Park.  If he was lucky his running partner would still be having coffee before heading to work and he could apologize for being so late.

He’d met Sam a few weeks earlier.  He’d served two tours as a pilot in the Air Force before setting up at the VA.  Karen had introduced them and recommended that if Steve ever needed anyone to talk to, Sam would be a good one to try.  So far, he’d simply met the man for a morning run 4 or 5 times a week as both their schedules permitted.

Although he knew Sam knew his identity, the Captain America thing hadn’t really come up as much as the ‘being home’ thing.  It was Sam’s suggestion to trade out his bed for a harder set of box springs at least until he got used to them. Most of Sam’s normal suggestions, Steve already did; daily exercise, eat healthy, interact with others.  The one thing Steve rarely did, was talk about what had happened. Some of that was because some of Steve’s loss was over a thousand years old. Not all of it was 70 years old, and that wasn’t known by any but a few.

Lately, Steve had started cautiously approaching JARVIS about talking.  The AI assured Steve he could separate a bit of memory so that the information would not be used during their interactions in his daily life.  Steve hadn’t taken him up on that yet.

Regardless, Sam knew Steve’s life was a bit odd.  That being said, he still hadn’t expected Steve to show up balancing a pile of rocks on him head.

“Sorry.  I’m sorry I’m late.  I overslept this morning.”  Steve panted.

Not taking his eyes off the pebbles, Sam distractedly replied, “Its cool.  I get you.” He blinked a few times before continuing, “That have something to do with the rock pile on your head?”

Steve rolled his eyes up to look towards Sobima.  “Eh, not really. I mean he did make me more late, but I overslept on my own.”

That caught Sam’s attention, well aware of how hard it was for Steve to sleep long.  “No worries! I did most of my laps, but I figured if you got here in time you could lap me while I finished my last two rounds.”  He said cheerfully.

Steve grinned.  Sam had a great sense of humor and they often tested to see how many times Steve could lap him while he ran his route.  “Sure.” Steve saw Sam glance up again and sighed before gesturing at his head, “This is Sobima. He wants to be called Ma.”

Sams grinned, “Of course he does.  Will he stay up there?”

Steve shrugged, “Says he’s going to.  I didn’t argue. If he falls off, I’ll grab him on the next lap, I guess.”

Steve ignored Sobima’s irritated grumbling about how he wouldn’t need grabbing like some lost kitten, he could keep himself perfectly safe.  Instead Sam and Steve took off.

Several laps for Steve later found the pair kneeling under a tree at the corner of the park not too far from where Steve had all but groped Tony the previous night.

“So you gonna tell me, or should I guess?”  

Steve glanced at Sam in question.  The man waved at him. “Your face has this whole ‘life is great’ thing going on.”

Steve huffed a chuckle.  “I just had a great evening last night.”

“Really?”  Sam’s eyebrow went up and he eyed Steve in amusement.

Steve shook his head.  

“What, Captain America doesn’t kiss and tell?”

“Steve Rogers was taught better by his ma.”

Sam laughed at that.  “Sounds solid to me. There going to be a repeat?”

Steve grinned, “Hopefully more than repeat.”

“As long as they get you home by midnight?”  Sam snarked cheerfully.

Steve snorted.  “Helps that he lives in the same building.”  Then he froze and glanced at Sam in concern.

Sam just patted him on the back.  “Definitely makes the morning after easier.”

Steve relaxed as Sam grabbed his water and sauntered towards the north edge of the park.  He had to get to work in 30 minutes. Steve laughed and shook his head before catching up to walk with him to work.

* * *

Despite the late start, Steve returned to the tower in time to start breakfast for the rest of the team.  He was trying a new frittata recipe when Natasha and Clint joined them with Guletsi. Sobima had already claimed a spot in the center of the island and looked more like a paper weight than a person at the moment.  Guletsi obviously recognized him because ze immediately rolled off Natasha’s shoulder and started a conversation with the immobile pile of stones.

Natasha and Clint ignored them as they continued their discussion about daggers.  Steve smiled as set plates out as Tony walked in, followed shortly by Bruce. JARVIS had taken to at least notifying the team of breakfast.  Bruce took a plate and immediately excused himself to his lab, something about an experiment in bacteria growth. Clint and Natasha also didn’t stay.  Apparently whatever they were discussing diverged enough that they had to test it in the gym. Steve wondered if he shouldn’t warn them about exercising right after eating.

Since that left him with Tony, he couldn’t complain.  The engineer sat on a stool waiting on the coffee machine, which meant his head was actually on his folded arm and Steve would swear he was asleep again, though past experience had proven this wrong.

When the coffee beeped, Steve poured Tony a giant mugful and set it next to the plate he’d made for the genius and waited.  As Steve stared at the slack face, one hand reached out to find the coffee and dragged it in for a cuddle before Tony’s face practically climbed the side of the mug.  Upon reaching the top, he tipped the mug slightly until his lips could reach the liquid whereby he proceeded to suck the hot coffee with alacrity.

The first time Steve had seen this ceremony, he’d freaked out.  I was scared Tony would either A. spill the coffee (to which Tony denigrated him for suggesting he’d waste the elixir of life), B. burn his mouth, or C. snort the coffee accidentally.  Since Tony did this almost every morning and had yet to do any of these things, Steve had taken to just watching fondly. Half asleep Tony was adorable.

Tony made it through his mug, smacking his lips together contently, before he looked around in curiosity.  Steve doubted the man even knew the others had been and gone. When Tony’s eyes landed on Steve, head propped on the island watching him with a smile, the engineers face lit up with a brilliant smile.

“Well, good morning soldier!”  Tony purred. Steve blushed as he grinned back.  He’d hoped he’d ended last night on a positive with the teasing.  Tony held up his mug. “And what could I do for another hot brew?”

Steve loved the playful tone and chuckled.  “Well, I dunno. You can probably think of something.”  He took the mug and turned back to the coffee machine. By the time he’d turned around again, Tony had circled the island and took the mug himself.

Tony hummed as he took another long drink, eyes never leaving Steve’s.  Steve felt that heat all the way to his toes and leaned back against the counter behind him.  Tony leaned forward and placed the mug on the counter, “Well, I’ll just have to think of some sort of reward, won’t I?”

Steve raised an eyebrow, “What’d you have in mind?”

Tony smiled and raised up on his toes, gripping Steve’s hair with his fingers.  Steve inhaled sharply as the lean body slide up his in all the right ways.  His hand came up around the thin waist automatically to stabilize the smaller man. Tony kept his gaze steady as he whispered against his lips.  “Oh, you know. I’m a genius. I’ll think of something.”

This kiss was as powerful as last night.  Steve' shoulders curled around Tony’s body as the man practically rolled against him.  Steve groaned as his mouth was again thoroughly investigated. The hand that had set down the mug worked its way up under his shirt and Steve cried out into Tony’s mouth as the chilled fingers danced up his ribs.  Tony didn’t release his mouth long enough to let much noise escape.

Where last night had been more exploring, this was dominating.  Steve panted into the open mouth and Tony grinned as his fingers pinched a nipple firmly.  Steve groaned, looking at Tony’s sparkling eyes in awe as the engineer tilted his head back to take in the sight. Steve's knees trembled with the job of staying upright and he thanked god his back pressed against the counter.  “To-Tony- I-”

Tony twisted his fingers in the short blonde hair and moved forward to again suck Steve’s lower lip and worry it with his teeth.  Desperately, Steve thrust his tongue out only for Tony to lay claim to that too. Steve’s hand grasped at Tony’s waist as Tony gripped his tongue with smooth lips and proceeded to suck it rhythmically, a motion that went straight to Steve's already interested manhood.

Tony tugged gently on the nipple he’d been torturing and Steve’s hips answered with a thrust.  The engineer gave one last suck of the tongue before crawling his lips up to Steve’s ears. Anticipation of lips on his ears had Steve panting even harder, but Tony simply brushed his lips next to the ear.  His breath sent shivers throughout Steve’s body as he whispered, “ _Payback for last night._ ”

Suddenly Steve found himself bereft a partner, as Tony picked up the mug with a smug grin and rounded the counter to eat his breakfast.  Steve took several deep breaths to regain control, giving Tony what he hoped with a delighted grin.

“Is that how it is?”

Tony grinned at him before his attention was drawn to where Guletsi was still talking to Sobima, utterly ignoring the two humans.  Tony blinked and leaned forward, “Hello now. Did you add to your growing collection of mobile non-inanimate objects?”

Steve snorted as Sobima growled at Tony about how if they were non-inanimate, then they would simply be animate objects.  Steve waved, “Tony, meet Sobima. He prefers to go by Ma for some reason, though I will be calling him Sobima. My Ma is the only person I will call ‘Ma’.”

Tony blinked at him and grinned, “That only made a fraction of sense, you know.”  Then Tony’s face redirected towards the newcomer and a truly devilish grin spread across his face, “You shall be Ma-Ma!”

Steve choked on his orange juice as Sobima sputtered at that.  Tony cackled delightedly and proceeded to poke at the new friend much like he had with Guletsi and Zousei.  Unlike Guletsi and Zousei, Sobima grumbled at him and batted his fingers away. Finally the golem appeared to have enough and he retreated back to the top of Steve’s head.  

Steve endured Tony laughing about his new hat for the rest of breakfast before they both headed to the lab to get some actual work done.

* * *

The rest of the team met Sobima accidentally.  Bruce had come into the lab to discuss...something. Sobima effectively distracted him and he stared at the mobile rocks long enough to creep Sobima out.  Sobima then retreated.

An hour later, when the golem had yet to return, Tony went looking for him.  They found him by virtue of Clint. Apparently Sobima had hid in the vents and made a lot of banging noises as he moved around.  Clint had come to investigate. The next thing, they heard Clint screech, "WHY IS THERE A ROCK GRUMBLING IN MY VENT?!?!"

Tony stuck he head into the nearest access and called to the shuffling golem , “Ma-Ma!”

Clint was understandably confused.  "Mama? MAMA? WHY ARE YOU CALLING A TALKING ROCK MAMA?!?"

This necessitated some explaining, which drew Natasha and Thor in.  All in all, by the time Clint ordered pizza for dinner, the entire group had met the newest addition.  

* * *

Steve looked down at Tony fondly as the credits rolled.  The engineer was cuddled against his side as was the norm for these movie nights.  Thor was on his other side and Tony’s feet were tucked under the god for additional warmth.  Also, common enough, the man was snoring softly.

Bruce chuckled as he placed a blanket over the sleeping teammate.  “He didn’t sleep the night before last and it sounds like last night was exciting.”

Steve grinned at him.  “I hear you won a bet on that?”

Bruce had the grace to look sheepish, but Clint grinned unrepentantly behind him.  “Yeah, yeah. The good doctor won the first kiss bet. But I bet that Tony made the first move.”

Steve’s grin turned wicked at that, but before he could answer the engineer answered himself, not an ounce of sleep in his voice.  “You’d be wrong again, Legolas.” Tony cheerfully informed him. Steve wondered fondly if Tony often pretended sleep just so he could snuggle.  The thought made him feel all warm inside.

As Clint mourned Tony’s news, Natasha eyed them curiously.  “And?”

Tony sat up and stretched.  Then he sighed in a fake aggrieved fashion,  “Nosey nosey nosey, Itsy Bitsy.”

Steve blinked, but Tony leaned back against him, so Steve simply wrapped him in his arms and let Tony handle their apparently juvenile teammates.  Tony held up his hands, ticking off each finger, “Fine, Blondie made the first move, it was after food, we were eating Greek, no nudity involved, it was outside the tower, and since Pep hasn’t called to yell at me yet, I assume no one got a picture.”  At the stunned look, Tony flashed them an innocent smile, “Did I miss any bets?”

Thor started laughing first, followed by Bruce.  Clint just stared at them in horror, “Yo-you knew?”

Tony snorted.  “You were using J to keep track, of course I knew.”

Steve frowned and looked down at the messy brown hair in confusion, “Then why did you act so surprised when I brought it up earlier?”

“You guys talked about our betting on your date?”

Steve rolled his eyes, but Tony just chuckled, “I didn’t put much credence behind the bets.  Afterall, there’s a running bet on my cooking skills and none of the answers comes even close to accurate.”

That earned him several stares.  Steve chuckled under his breath. It seemed he was missing out on some of the fun his teammates got up to.

Thor grinned, “Then we shall leave you in that mayhap another bet shall be concluded tonight!”

Tony choked on his breath as Clint brightened and waved good night before practically sprinting out.  Natasha gave them a raised eyebrow before following. Tony looked at Thor, “I wonder if we will ever resolve that particular bet on those two.”

Bruce snorted, “You can ask, I like my hair, thank you very much!”

Tony cackled in delight at that response as Bruce gathered his own tea and waved good night.  

Steve hummed as he pulled Tony closer.

“So what bet are we resolving tonight?”


End file.
